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Don’t Worry, You Guys, Chael Sonnen is At Least Two Wins Away From a Title Shot at 205

(Realizing his impending doom, Chael signaled to his wife that her weekly sandwich quota would be doubling in the near future.) 

When it was originally announced that Chael Sonnen would be returning to the light heavyweight division to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 155, we took it as a classic case of a fighter changing weight classes in order to save his career. He had come up short in both his title shots at middleweight, and as Josh Koscheck would tell you if he was aware of it, the chances of any 0-2 fighter receiving a third shot against the same champion is next to impossible. And being that Chael fraking Sonnen is not a man who fights anything but marquee fights these days, his chances to make waves at 205 were clearly better than his chances at 185. The fact that he could barely even make the announcement without drawing Jon Jones into a Twitter war only confirms Sonnen’s devious intentions.

And as is usually the case, Chael was successful in drawing us out of the woodwork to throw his name in with the phrase “title shot,” whether it was in agreement or bitter disapproval of the idea. Because Sonnen is like the entire cast of a heist movie packed into one person when it comes to hustling in the MMA game, capable of releasing more red herrings, smoke signals, and false MacGuffins than Ocean’s Eleven through Thirteen combined. Hell, I immediately launched into a vast conspiracy theory in which Sonnen became the number one contender and Jones possibly faked injury in order to set up a fight between them down the line.

But I live in a world of paranoia, delusion, and fear. One that apparently many of you are living in as well, because in a recent appearance on Las Vegas’ “Dave and Mahoney” show, Dana White addressed the concerns that a lot of us are sharing, another undeserved title shot for Sonnen.

Well, we can all rest assured that it will be at least two more fights before rumors of Sonnen vs. Jones gain any ground, at least according to The Baldfather:

He’s a long way away. He’s not coming off the (Anderson) Silva fight and just talking his way into a 205-pound world title shot. [Sonnen] is going to have to beat a couple of the best in the world.

If he beats Forrest Griffin, we’ll shoot him right into the top five and let him fight some of those guys there, and we’ll see what happens.

Although I’m relatively surprised that a win over Griffin nets you a top five spot these days, this revelation shouldn’t catch many of us off guard considering how desolate the light heavyweight division has become. We’ve already used the latest scientific technology to predetermine the outcome of Sonnen vs. Griffin, but the fact that Sonnen is currently listed as a 3-1 favorite over the former light heavyweight champ doesn’t exactly agree with what Dana is saying.

It’s a minute issue, I understand, but it’s also an unfortunately slow news day, and I can’t be here all fraking day. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, he’ll have ridden the division of all the challengers he actually wants to face at the moment, so with that, I’ll turn the question to you. What does Sonnen have to do at 205 to rightfully earn a title shot in your eyes?

Granted, Jones hasn’t even gotten past Hendo yet, or Lyoto for a second time, but fevered speculation is basically all that keeps us MMA diehards entertained in between fight cards, so just get wild with it.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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LesnarsIntestine- August 23, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Please go die.
LesnarsIntestine- August 22, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Also, Fesjizzeo.. Choke on Cris "Guy-borg" Santos' fat lady-dick, sir.
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm
If she was squatting on my face I would position my nose on her sweaty rectum, and tongue that engorged mini phallus like it belonged to any female relation of your family. That's just 'if'.
LesnarsIntestine- August 22, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Deal Chael,

Please hurry the fuck up.


Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Do you really wish death on someone? Sick cunt.
Null Kuhl- August 21, 2012 at 10:54 pm
I'm pretty sure you guys weren't supposed to use "You Guys" in article titles anymore, you guys.
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm
That's right! Those mother fuckers...
JohnyBonezNmoans- August 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Fest- settle the fuck down and how nice of ya to drop in...

DISSS site hurr for peps who want a daily dose of major MMA news, along with, niiice Ring girl layouts, fucking 1v1v1 and Arm wrestling MMA matches, and goddamn hilarious gifs of savages. (plus there is an easier shot at free tee shirts and such ;) )... A little variety never hurt.

I want Sonnen to fight the likes of Bader win or lose. Not because I think it will be entertaining. Because I wanna see Sonnen's hands when fighting a much bigger, possibly equal-quality wrestler as himself. They are still a mystery to me...
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I settled down, I feel embraced by this new and exciting community. I only want to be loved, and outside of the church, the internet ( specifically this site) is the only way to become whole once more.
I'd rather see Cheal Sonnen fight Stephan Bonnar, especially since he's been spreading rumours of his retirement. Fuck wrestling quite frankly, I bet those two would beat each other into a soft red jelly.
J.Jones- August 21, 2012 at 8:07 pm
You got me there, Festizzeo, I overlooked one word while scanning through the 10,000 or so I type a day. You can't figure out a log-in system that was built for monkeys and give thumbs ups to your own comments. Do you really want to go tit-for-tat on this?
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm
I will quite happily go tit for tat, just on that comment alone... When I read it, I thought what the fuck is this guy going on about? A log in system built for monkeys so I could thumbs up my comments? Sounds pretty good to me, I'd be prolific! But I guess after typing 10,000 words a day ( awww ) you're probably fatigued, going into the championship rounds... But here's an idea! Fix the log in system.
I'll go tit for tat if you like mate, no worries, I expect others might want to join in, if they could be bothered.
Pen Fifteen- August 21, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Don't let the door hit your ass Festizzeo, you whiny little bitch.
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm
It hit me so hard I swung back in!
algiersheadkick504- August 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm
please joe silva!! make him fight texiera. its been awhile since we seen chael subbed at 205. seriously doubt forrest can no matter how much trt he recieves
Festizzeo- August 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm
Well I tried, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to give this website a miss. Apart from acting as an editor ( OUR!) It's such a stupid log-in system that I just can't be fucked.
Best of luck in the future, I suspect you're going to need it.
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Yeah fuck off you drunken moaning pissflap. All you do is bitch and type shit! Save up, spend that money on a place in Australia and build a house! Have a pool, swim with sharks and admire the sky with no light pollution... Or Canada, whatever's right.
Ricardo Guitardo- August 21, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I bet when you went to school you had to take classes like "developmental reading and writting" or "Remedial English 101".
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Festizzeo- August 21, 2012 at 4:20 pm
I knew that when break took over Nothing Toxic, the entire Internet was fucked.
Festizzeo- August 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm
What the fuck is with the login system on this site? I came to troll the writer, now I'll just fucking moan about this stupid work up.

“Dave and Mahoney” show, Dana White addressed the concerns that a lot of us our sharing, ie. another undeserved title shot for Sonnen.

Our sharing?
holeeball- August 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm
And by heritage I obviously mean ancestry. What?
holeeball- August 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm
What Sonnen has to do?

All he has to do is to badmouth the champ. Maybe even his heritage. Heavy usage of the n word along with carrots.

He's a fucking racist felon anyway so why the hell not.
RSparrow- August 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Ban: The word "fraken"
Festizzeo- August 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm
I'm fucked if I know what it means, but I'm all for banning more words.
And I thumb upped you by the way, despite what they said about you.