(Team Nog smears sardines on the hearts that Tom Lawlor spent all week airbrushing. Seriously, though, what is up with this goddamned room? Does Abigail Breslin live in the TUF house too?)

During this week of The Ultimate Fighter you all got to see the final reaction with Junie jumping the cage and calling me out. What a disaster. Upon coming on to the show I knew that I had to be calm and level-headed. There was no way in hell I would throw my career away for a stupid fight over pride. That was the only thing that was going through my head when he jumped the cage. So I just kept cool and collected and no hard feelings — after all, it’s just Junie.

After that episode of Junie TV, I decided to continue being me and doing what I was doing. So I put on my smirk. After my fight with Shane the guys pulled a prank on me and put my underwear in the freezer. Which at the time I thought was pretty funny, nothing but a harmless prank. The Red Team and I searched high and low all over that place, and finally found them in the bottom of the freezer. Good one, ha-ha, but soon things escalated and went a little further. They put itching powder on the Red Team’s beds which was horrible. After a long day and an even longer hunt for my underwear all I wanted to do was sleep — then my body starts to itch along with Kyle and some of the other guys. Needless to say we were upset. Messing with a fighters underwear is one thing but messing with his sleep…not cool.

After that it was time to hit the old laundry room. It took me about an hour to get my sheets clean and I was pretty pissed about that. After the itching powder scene, Kyle and the gang decided to get sardines and put them all over the Blue Team’s room. It smelled horrible. Mir’s team gets home and they were not very happy about it, especially Vinny. Vinny definitely took it the wrong way and for some reason I got the worst end of it. The man PISSED on my pillow. To be completely honest it was not a big deal for me, it was like whatever. Once again I have to make sure I keep my head — no way I am going to blow my shot at the UFC. I just ordered a new pillow, no worries. However, just the fact that he pissed on my pillow was pretty bad in itself. I decided not to retaliate and stay focused on my game plan.

Now the light heavyweights have to match up, and Nogueira picks Shane Primm to fight Eliot Marshal. Both these guys have incredible ground games, so I thought that it could go either way. But it wasn’t too much of fight — Eliot got Shane to the ground took his back and got the choke. After the fight I was pretty upset because I could have never pictured it ending in the first round. I expected a chess match. Besides Shane losing I was also pretty upset because we lost control of the fight picks. However, there was one thing that got me in high spirits again. I got pumped because Eliot did the worst thing he could have ever done in the house: CALLING OUT RYAN BADER.

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Other notes on last night’s episode…

— According to Dana White, Junie would have gotten kicked off the show for jumping the cage if NSAC executive director Keith Kizer was there. “This kid’s got nine lives,” Dana said. And who’s supplying him with these lives, hmmmmmm? Junie says that going on TUF was “the worst fucking decision I made.”

— Anderson Silva shows up to school Team Nog in Muay Thai. The guys love him, even as he kicks the crap out of them. There’s a great moment as Silva lets Bader haul off on him full-strength during a sparring session. Even Stankie watches in amazement.

— Eliot Marshall, who is half-Jewish and half-African American, discussing his childhood: “I was a geek, nobody liked me, I didn’t really fit in too well.” It’s possible that his unpopularity had nothing to do with his ethnicity, and more to do with the fact that he’s an abrasive dickwad who had the audacity to mouth off to Nogueira when Big Nog politely asked Team Mir to cool it with the pranks. Marshall and K-Sos are just getting started, prank-wise.

— When informed about the sardine prank, Stankie goes on a brief and terrifying rant about sardines. He offers $100 to anyone who will eat sardines with him. I think. It’s hard to understand him when he gets excited.

— After the Marshall/Primm fight, Eliot gives Tom Lawlor a high-five which seems to shatter Tom’s limp wrist. While all the other guys wear different colors of TapouT shirts, Tom has taken to wearing pink polo shirts exclusively.

— Vinny is a hothead who takes everything very personally. Eliot makes a comment about meeting K-Sos in the finals, and Vinny won’t let it go, even after E apologizes. “I’d beat them both on the same night if I had to,” he says.

— On the next episode: Junie finally gets to fight. Mir chooses the mild-mannered Roli Delgado as his opponent. Roli’s BJJ black belt credentials are called into question. Junie says Roli bought his black belt from McDonald’s. After what looks like a grueling weight-cut, Junie shoves Roli and spits at his feet. Clips are shown from the fight and it looks like a war.