(Kind of a strange thing to ask someone on the way to the grocery store.)
Last night’s episode of the Ultimate Fighter was one of the more foul shows airing on this week’s television lineup. By this time in the house everyone was getting tired of each other and going a bit insane, so of course since there is nothing better to do, the pranksters in us start to come out. For a few days now Lawlor had been getting these fruit platters delivered to him. So we decided it would be a good idea to eat it all before he got a chance to have any. Everyday we would get back from practice, rush to the fridge, and grab Lawlor’s fruit, and I must say it was delicious. This was no ordinary fruit platter…this was Tom Lawlor‘s fruit haha.
This was going on a for a few days and Lawlor wasn’t too happy. So while we were at practice Lawlor decided it was time for a little revenge. We all had come to an understanding while in the house and agreed to not mess with each other’s food. Lawlor was thinking like a lawyer on this kind of revenge, finding a work around. Nowhere did we say you couldn’t mess with your own food, so that’s what he did. The blue team went a few rounds pissing in the fruit tray. So after our practice we got back to the house and opened the fridge and there it was, so Bader got the tray, took it up to the room and a few of the guys went to town on it. They were eating piss fruit.
I would like to set the record straight I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE FRUIT WITH PISS IN IT!!!! Let me repeat: I DID NOT EAT ANY OF THE FRUIT WITH THE PISS IN IT!! The editors did a hell of a job making it look that way, but if you notice the fruit I was eating was not in the same room. I guess that’s why SPIKE pays those guys well, but one more time I did not eat piss fruit haha. Philippe was pretty disgusted by it. Kingsbury wasn’t bothered by it — he was cracking jokes. It was pretty funny since it didn’t happen to me.
So fight announcements come and it’s Phillipe vs Kaplan. I think Kaplan is all talk, so it should be interesting to see how it plays out. Back at the house, the messing with other people’s food saga continues to roll on. For quite some time Phillipe has been ordering sushi and people continue to eat it
before he gets a chance. Phillipe is a pretty quiet guy and doesn’t make a fuss, but this time you can tell he was upset so he addressed the issue but didn’t get too bent out of shape. We all knew the bandit was Kaplan so I gave Phillipe the heads up.
Kingsbury came up with a plan to get the thief. They decided to prepare the sushi with some of Kyle’s secret sauce..which has been in the family for centuries. After a few minutes in the bathroom Kyle whipped up a batch and they put it on the sushi nice and careful. They put the sushi back in fridge and low and behold, Kaplan had a few rolls!!! Kyle started bashing him a little bit and finally told him what happened. Dave got pissed, saying his revenge was going to be way worse than anything they could imagine. Which I think is kind of weak…there was no rule against messing with your own food. So if you want to take the chance, you know anything can be happen. If they had purposely done it to Kaplan’s food, there would be an issue — but since he was a thief he got some punishment. He should
consider himself lucky. “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”-Wayne Campbell
So it’s fight time…the fighters come out and Phillipe drops a few bombs on Kaplan and he crumbles. Nover keeps the pressure on Kaplan until he gives up his back and gets the choke. Kaplan said his strategy was to take Nover’s best shots…I think he knew it was going to be a hard fight so he took the easy way out.
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***
Other notes on the episode…
– Dave Kaplan, a former Division I wrestler, spent seven months in Holland being trained in kickboxing by Ernesto Hoost.
– Mentally, Phillipe Nover is “ready to die” when he enters the cage. He’s also a fan of almost-hatched duck eggs, which kind of look like boiled testicles.
– Junie is not to be trusted. Ever.
– Phillipe Nover reminds Dana White of a young GSP. “He has so much potential it’s scary.”
– The capital of Zaire, which is now the Democratic Republic of the Congo, is Kinshasa.
(John Polakowski isn’t dying of AIDS; he’s living with AIDS.)
(“Wellington.”)
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Comments
Wed, 11/05/08 - 01:41
"He’s also a fan of almost-hatched duck eggs, which kind of look like boiled testicles." Damn that was disgusting! I almost barfed just looking at it. Then he puts salt on an eyeball looking thingy. Just plain nasty! The fight was awesome, Nover has some crazy skills. Good show, good shit!
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:01
man that balut looked good. Im glad red team finally got another win, Im starting to hate the black team more and more.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:03
@ Old, Bald and Irish: there was a reason they made sure the california rolls already had some white stuff in it.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:04
I missed last nights show. Will someone make this clear to me: "Kingsbury came up with a plan to get the thief. They decided to prepare the sushi with some of Kyle’s secret sauce..which has been in the family for centuries. After a few minutes in the bathroom Kyle whipped up a batch and they put it on the sushi nice and careful. They put the sushi back in fridge and low and behold, Kaplan had a few rolls!!!" What EXACTLY was "Kyle’s secret sauce"? Is it what I think it is? Is this pee... ...or something else. I'm getting sick of hearing about the gross-out shenanigans. If I want to see disgusting eating contests, I'll go back and re-watch Joe Rogan's Fear Factor.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:05
It's a little messed up when the grossest thing eaten isn't the piss fruit of jizzy sushi but late term aborted duck eggs.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:09
LOL@ the piss eater. That's amazing! HAHA! I hope they go to the next level soon. OHH can't wait for that. I will lol @all shit eaters lol
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:14
Nah old,bald and Irish, he rubbed one out in his sushi lol
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:15
As much as I'd like my professional athletes to be professionals, watching Kaplan eating Kyle's baby batter was hilarious. The fact that he tried to say he was innocent was pretty funny too, especially when he is on camera stealing the sushi, and eating more than the one piece he said he took.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:19
Just wait... rumor has it that next week, somebody eats a stolen Baby Ruth Bar.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:21
I almost fuckin puked when the dude put the salt on the eyeball and took a bite. Everyone is pissing and jerking off in the food, then you get to the fight and it lasts all of 30 seconds. WTF. Complete waste of time unless you really enjoy the whole soap opera side of the show.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:22
I don't understand how everybody took this so well, I almost puked just watching it. If any of this had happened to me I would go crazy and maybe kill someone. Although it would be allot easier to get over the piss one then the other.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:33
If I went in there as a professional athlete I'd have the hump BIG TIME with some of the guys pissing about (quite literally). In actual fact if I was dead set on becoming the next UFC star I would have walked off the show in protest yelling something about grown men acting like a bunch of toddlers... or should that be tossers!
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:42
@ "jube3" and "matt" Thanks for the disappointing confirmation, guys. I think that this is just BS and has nothing to do with MMA. This makes the weak crap on MTV look highbrow. TUF has just lost a viewer for good. I hate to say it, even "Iron Ring" was more serious than this seasons TUF.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:45
I love how Kaplan after the fight was all "And I'm so much better than him.. It's just so disappointing.." I was thinking: Can you seriously feed yourself that line of bullshit and actually believe it? Not only did he get knocked out, but after Nover knocked him out, he CHOKED him out.. There was absolutely nothing in that fight that said to me that Kaplan ever had a snowball's chance in hell. Nover fucking DOMINATED that bitch.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 02:49
IMO, last night's show was disgusting and off-putting. Crazy food like the duck eggs is fine. (Watch the Travel Channel and see that crazy bald guy eat insane shit ... no biggie). Bodily fluids in food? That's just wrong. In all honesty, it's starting to turn me off to the show. If I want to see juvenile behavior for 45 mintues with a 5 minute beatdown, I'll watch some of that crap on the steaming pile of dung they call MTV.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 03:03
So I'm assuming that Nover is the "next anderson silva" dana white was speaking of. which is good because he isn't a douchetard like some of the other fighters. where can i get an order of those kingsbury sushi rolls? *barf* i wanted to puke throughout that entire episode...and Balut OMFG that shit...and I'm half pinoy too...sick.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 03:21
Ok, time for a fucked up what if. If you had to consume one would it be man milk or shit? I think shit would taste way worse but if I knowingly had man milk I think it would screw me up in the head.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 03:35
Screw them, if they weren't thieving other people's food they would not have anyone else's bodily fluids in them.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 04:08
Geez..."Jason" has come up with "Sophie's Choice" of manly bodily excretions. While I would not like to ingest either, I guess, IF I HAD TO (like, there's a gun at my head and reasonable chance of escape)...I'd eat the poo. Man-batter? Forget it. Pull the trigger. That's not my bag, baby.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 04:17
Gunny said it true. The moral here is : Don't be a fucking thief, if you do, you pay! I would have no fear, cause I wouldn't take whats not mine. And someone needed to get up and LOUDLY tell kaplan that all his big talk about everyone having his shit on, and in their mouth will get him sent to the hospital, cause HE is the thief, not the others.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 04:30
if you watch the background closely about 15 minutes into the episode you can clearly see bader taking a dump directly into effrains mouth
Wed, 11/05/08 - 04:58
The first picture's caption is one of the funniest I've read. haha And that episode was hilarious -- I don't see why so many of you are pissed off.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 05:06
Funny how most of you are discusted with the piss in the fruit salad but not with some semen. It is probably an every day thing for most of you idiots. Regular people get up, take their roids and eat waffles you guys wake up, play the rusty trumpet and eat semen.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 05:21
Hey TUF gay, you talk a good game, I have yet to see apicture, or a video or any proof that you are so bad ass, in fact all your talk about roids makes me think you are a skinny little boy who lives in his moms basement playing war games. Look mouth you always post some fake address of some gym, as if someone is going to actually go into a public gym, and just find you and start a fight, and that would be normal...see you live in a fantasy world, and in your world you are this badass animal, well if you are so bad, why is it noone but this forum has ever had the displeasure of seeing or hearing from you, cause if you were this big badass dude you would fight for UFC or be on the internet showing us your Kimbo skills. LOok man you are simply annoying, and to be ignored 9 outta 10 times, cause all you say is the same tired shit over and over. put up or shut up, show us what you look like, send links, and proof of who you are, get people whom you train with, and your coachs to come tell us how badass you are, till then troll-bait, go fuck yourself sideways with your roids up your ass. And if you are taking roids, then A you wont ever compete professionally cause no one will let you, you dumbass, and B you will maybe die soon cause yours heart and kidneys will give out, so that makes an even bigger loser in my mind. And last but not least, I dont care who you are or how bad you say you are, I bet if I put my gun to your fucking head you wont be near as tough, so do shutup, and try to be a valued member of forum with something of value to discuss besides your shrunken balls, you halfwit.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 05:35
Am I the only one that thinks TUF Guy is an amusing parody of fight fans? Maybe I'm wrong... Maybe he is serious.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 06:16
@ UFC Fan, ain't nobody gonna read that novel you just wrote
Wed, 11/05/08 - 06:51
Sound out the big words and you'll get through it eventually, FLUFF Guy.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 06:52
i felt like i was watching the real world or some shit yesterday. this show sucks now. do the producers think this is the shit we wanna see? hell no. those guys act like jackasses. i'm sick of it. i'm done watching this show. i'll tune in at the end to see how the fight goes down. and i've never read any of ufc fan's novels. ever.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 06:57
I'm sorry, I just have this gay crush on you so I got to talk so much smack to hide my feelings
Wed, 11/05/08 - 07:07
What's the comment about Polakowski "living with AIDS" mean? I don't get it :-(
Wed, 11/05/08 - 07:39
@ UFC Fan, that's been obvious since the first 10 essays you wrote to me. I affect your real life HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, take a bath with a toaster and save your kids the humility of having you as a father figure.
Wed, 11/05/08 - 08:22
I'm glad that the pranks are getting creative and the guys are having fun with it. You can't get too mad when you walk into a well layed trap. The biggest pranks in previous seasons have just been bitter and drunken, trying to one-up the next guy by thinking like a fucking caveman and not doing anything close to being thought out. I love the fighting as much as anyone, but K-Sos has added a whole new element to the show. While crude and not as elaborate as the funeral, the piss fruit was genius!
Wed, 11/05/08 - 08:37
WHEN HE ATE THE SEMEN WAS THE FUNNIEST PART!!1! I LIKE MANSWERS AND JACKASS AS WELL!!!! MTV HAS QUALITY PROGRAMMING AND ROCK OF LOVE IS A COOL SHOW!!! I will not be watching this show anymore. Dana, remember when you said how important it was to present fighters in an appropriate light?
Thu, 11/06/08 - 03:38
OK so tufgay instead of posting pictures, and video links to how bad you are, you instead will try to fake my nick to TRY and make yourself look cool. And you who talk so much about how disturbed you are by all of us "talking about the gay shit" you sure went there fast. I think everyone sees you for the loser you are. And now that you have blew me off...and now want to blow me, I guess we all can take your refusal to do as I asked as saying we were right about you all along, you are really nothing like what you type. You are full of shit.
Thu, 11/06/08 - 03:53
If you see that little m0th3r fuck3r you tell him I'm looking for his ass. I'm going to make him eat my cr@p, drink my pee, and take a shot of man cream all at the same time, that little prick.
Thu, 11/06/08 - 08:52
@ TUF GUY I am afraid that UFC FAN is correct here. Your talking all this fuckin smack about everyone. WTF, can't you just pretend to be a reasonable person. We are here to talk about some shit we all have in common and you gotta be a douche. Just chill the fuck out already. We get it, you're the fuckin man and we're all homos, ok great you made your point, now move on or FUCK OFF. You're talk is boring, overrated and smacks desperately of some homo-repressed mama's boy that really wants to prove he's the man but can't get past the fact that he has a vagina and his mommy really wanted a little girl cause daddy likes boys a little to much. My apologies to every one else who reads this. I enjoy reading this forum and I enjoy the differing points of view but this guy is too much. Oh and TUF GUY, since I know how obsessed you are with homos and semen, let me save you the time of writing some witty response about me. It's already FUCKIN BORING
Thu, 11/06/08 - 01:42
ufc fan is alittle faggot whining bitch. The internet was made for a couple of things.. 1. porn 2.getting music and videos for free because you dont feel like paying 3. talking shit to little fags and mma forums without those 3 things i would not bother to even turn my computer on. so ufc fan go eat a dick u sound like a bitch TUF Guy keep up the good work and eventually these little bitches may go do us a favor and kill themselves
Thu, 11/06/08 - 01:44
ufc fan is alittle faggot whining bitch. The internet was made for a couple of things.. 1. naked girls 2.getting music and videos for free because you dont feel like paying 3. talking shit to little fags and mma forums without those 3 things i would not bother to even turn my computer on. so ufc fan go eat a dick u sound like a bitch TUF Guy keep up the good work and eventually these little bitches may go do us a favor and kill themselves
Thu, 11/06/08 - 03:30
Its sushi with semen...
Thu, 11/06/08 - 04:43
'... living with AIDS" you're NOT funny, but you ARE a giant douchebag.
Thu, 11/06/08 - 08:13
look there tuf gay, you got a homo-erotic friend. your new pal BDG (Blow Dick Guy???) will now defend you from here out, you can sit back and watch him go. Lube up those asscheeks tuf gay, cause the price for defending you is gonna be BIG! open wide goatse-boy. oh and hey Blowdickguy, word to the UNwise (thats you by the way dumbass) if you hit it twice it posts twice, be patient and your useless fucking post will go thru. Dont be in such a rush to suck on Tufgays ballsack ok?
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