(Images courtesy of Sherdog.)
I was holding off on posting about this because I thought a video would turn up by now, but it looks like the video-sharing sites aren’t on fire with undercard matches from EliteXC: Primetime, so here goes.
Posted above is the Sherdog Fight Finder record for Nick “The Mad Monkey” Serra, who completely shamed his family’s name on Saturday night. Sure, you see “DQ (Wouldn’t Get Up From Butt Scoot)” and you think, wow, that’s pretty embarrassing. Dude. Dude. You have no idea.
Matt Serra‘s less-successful brother faced off against Matt Makowski, who came into the fight with a 2-0 record. Nick entered the ring wearing a monkey mask, coming off like a broke-ass Jason Miller. (Makowski, for his part, made his ring-walk in spiked shoulder pads, Road Warriors-style.)
True to his nickname, Serra jumped on Makowski’s back after a brief opening exchange, but was slammed to the mat after transitioning to an armbar attempt. Despite throwing a solid upkick from the ground and getting to his feet, Makowski caught him with a couple of nasty uppercuts to close out the round.
Unfortunately, Serra hadn’t planned for round two. By two minutes into the second frame, he was truly, madly, deeply gassed, and his arms wobbled around at his sides. And then it happened. In a desperate attempt to get the fight to the ground, Serra weakly launched a Shinya Aoki-style flying guard-pull, missed Makowski completely, and landed directly on his back. As the crowd “ooh!’d in bemused shock, Serra sheepishly got to his feet. Makowski came in to engage, and Serra intentionally fell backwards onto the mat. Makowski threw his hands up and gave the ref a classic “WTF?” look. The ref ordered Serra to get up. The Mad Monkey refused, and the fight was called for Makowski.
And you know what? That wasn’t even the worst fight on the undercard.
The heavyweight contest between former Pittsburgh Steelers guard Carlton Haselrig and Carlos Moreno was hands-down the worst MMA match I’ve ever witnessed. Honestly, it made Slice/Thompson look like Torres/Maeda. Haselrig began the match with some pitifully slow and lumbering takedown attempts from about 12 feet away. Though a talented adversary would have made him pay for his lack of technique, Moreno eventually got caught and taken to the mat. On the ground, Haselrig punched Moreno directly up his ass then went for the most ghetto leg lock I’ve ever seen. The guy next to me described it as a “calf-cutter,” but I don’t think I’d dignify it with a name.
Bottom line, it wasn’t doing shit, and as Moreno struggled to get free, his shorts kept sliding down, eventually sliding all the way off his underwear (see image below). Eventually, Dan Miragliotta ordered the fighters to their feet, and helped Moreno get his shorts back up. Mercifully, the round ended. But Moreno, after doing absolutely nothing all round, was too gassed to answer the second bell. The announcer didn’t even bother to make the result official; Moreno just sucked air against the cage for a few minutes, and then everyone left. Looking back, it was clearly an omen of bad things to come.
Anyway, if you have video links or gifs to these fights, please let me know in the comments section because they’re on an absolutely must-see level of retardedness.