Brock Leznar!!!!

Good story, bro

I didn’t read the article or any of the comments. That said, I think you should all lay it on the line and emulate my writing style, I said.

also @ Macready

Sick James Joyce reference, by the way.

@ Art Gibs

If my commentary was directed toward the general CP audience – which it was obviously not – than your point would be made very well! However, it was made to a professional colleague, in a professional style, and therefore the tone was entirely appropriate. As macready grasped, it was an instance of professional guidance and assistance for Elias, and thereby, whether or not the general audience such as clutchy feels it appropriate is highly secondary. I addressed Elias precisely in the way he ought to be addressed: intellectually, constructively, and thoughtfully. In other words, my commentary was for Elias only, and therefore written in a way he can and should understand.

My commentary would have been largely ineffective, and in reality, entirely useless had I made terse and derisive remarks – in my field, such commentary is seen as insulting.

@ macready

I completely agree: my writing would have been exponentially more concise, direct and effective had I received lengthy and thoughtful commentary at every turn. For a writer, the worst possible advice is short advice.

Why wasn’t there a funny caption for the picture? Damn, this article sucks!

@ Art Gibs

If that was at all in reference to me I was ‘blessed’ with a journalist for a mother, so chalk it up to general over-exposure and ass-whippings when she checked my homework.

Did anybody read that trainwreck of an article comparing (aw, who was it . . . who cares?) a fighter’s journey through MMA to the Illiad?

Jesus TF Christ. Talk about not speaking to the audience!

Hey, Elias, maybe you should do one about Kos being The Portrait of the Martial Artist as a Young Man. Just kidding . . . Respect, Mofo.

@ Art We are the snobbiest of the snobby!!! Not only to we purport to know more about the hardcore MMA scene than anybody else, we’re also the best motherfucking writers on God’s green Earth. Believe it, bitches.

Also, good article, Elias. Very nice and by the numbers. There are a shit ton of people who can’t even do that – read ANYTHING NOT by Thomas Gerbasi on the UFC site and you’ll see what I mean. I’ll be looking for more in the future . . .

I hate to sound self congratulatory here, but does CP have the smartest readers of all the MMA blogs? Or maybe we’re just the snobbiest?

@ Whitey lol

@Disco-Platypus

Damn, man. Nice. I was noticing your style choices in addressing Elias and you really nailed it. You treated him like a professional colleague. Haha, it doesn’t lend itself to the CP audience but it wasn’t meant for them – clutchy hopkins, I am looking at you (your point is valid but you are mistaken that Disco’s comment was meant for you – at all. It’s fine that you wouldn’t read it. It doesn’t mean that ‘noone’ will, though.)

I consider myself to be an above-average writer. I’m even quite good at times. I wrote for a local MMA newspaper and I think I found my voice quite successfully. Still, I wish I’d had that guidance at the time because, though I’d known all that through a combination of intuition and study, I think it would’ve been helpful to paste that comment next to my computer and read it once in awhile.

goddamn its getting intellectual in here!

@ discoplatypus and dyph

pardon me, do you have any grey poupon?

DP,

Based on what you’ve written here, you’re hardly someone who should be teaching others about appropriate tone. But your suggestion to leave out “Miller says” is a good one, as is your advice regarding cliches. In any case, the article gave me what I was looking for: a little entertainment and information.

@ Clutchy Hopkins,

Sorry, but I don’t read comments from the Irish. But, I will’y try to write shorter comments, lad.

At any rate, it is professional courtesy.

@clutchy hopkins

Don’t go speaking for everyone now. I personally enjoyed reading Disco’s wall of text more than the article itself, by which I don’t mean to say the article was bad, but I had the same feelings while reading it as with the other article Elias wrote for CP.

Quality opinions expressed in decent manner don’t stop before the comments section. If you expect anyone to regard your asinine remarks with any validity perhaps you should keep your nose out of constructive intellectual conversations. Or at the very least contribute to the conversation rather than just letting your fingers spew stupid all over our monitors.

@Elias

Definitely looking forward to more articles and hopefully more constructive remarks will follow.

@Disco

As i said before, I harbor the same feelings when reading this, perhaps to a lesser degree but great job nonetheless.

DP, man I appreciate the professional and editorial guidance but I simply don’t have the time to read that much writing at once…
just kidding, brother:) Thanks for reading and God bless!

well disco platypus, if i may offer a suggestion or two, don’y write such long fucking comments because noone will ever read them, including the two guys that write the shit

^Truth

Great article though. Unfortunately, I find myself in the zero attention span audience. I would rather listen to a radio show or watch a vid this long.

Elias, if I may proffer a suggestion or two regarding your writing style:

Stylistic conventions should always be relative to the topic and audience, and in the case of your articles, you are largely unsuccessful in this regard. In this particular instance, I feel as if I am reading either: a) an article about a high-school athlete in a local newspaper, or; b) an article regarding a professional athlete scribed by a contract writer for a local paper. Your work is thus riven through-and-through with talent on one hand, and tired and clichéd style choices on the other. Obviously, neither of these “conventional” sports writing styles are appropriate for the content (mixed martial arts, and its culture) or the audience (not only cagepotato readers, but the 18-35 male demographic who will read this article period). Now, I am not suggesting here to adopt Ben and Ben’s style wholesale, and simply present cut-and-ready-to-dry articles for our consumption, but merely that your style is inappropriate for the content and audience.

In an attempt to tease out the fighter’s emotional and psychological state, and thereby provide some context to the “fight game,” your writing comes off as forcefully emotive and nostalgic – quite ironically preventing the honest portrayal that you are ostensibly attempting to capture. While I both understand and agree with your intentions, the manner in which you attempt to realize these intentions may be perceived as pedestrian – well, at least in the context of sports writing – and therefore makes the story less plausible.

I would personally eliminate the “Miller says,” “Miller believes,” after long-winded quotes, and abandon the overly-descriptive setups. Clichés about “combat sports” and “laying it on the line” are superfluous, as we know and love the sport, brother! Remember: audience and content. Sports writing is at its most effective when the tone is reminiscent of the way the intended audience think and speak – and in this case, nobody on this site thinks and/or speaks like local sportswriters, nor like the soliloquies on sitcoms whereby a main character recants some “important event” on the show.

At any rate, all writers need time, space and opportunity to flesh out and appropriate writing styles which provide believable templates for the content. You quite obviously possess some talent, so I am sure you will eventually find as much.

haha, thanks MFWC:)
We’ve got some stuff with Joe Lauzon and Jens Pulver coming down the pipe soon as well so keep your eyes peeled please!

Now don’t you all go complaining you had to actually read all at once.

Good Article Elias. Good to get exposure for some of the younger, hungry, up-and-coming type fighters. WAR ATT!