Fact Check: Tito Ortiz May Have Exaggerated the Extent of His Injuries
(The beanie? Tito says it's to cover up his exposed brain matter. Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine.)
I was just sitting here working on a get well card for Tito Ortiz – you know, because of his cracked skull – and just as I was almost finished gluing the little tissue paper flowers onto the construction paper, I happened to see the list of medical suspensions handed down by the NSAC after UFC 106. The injured foot that Forrest Griffin mentioned in his post-fight interview? That’s on there. The smashed face that Luis Cane obviously suffered from a Little Nog left hand? That too, only it’s described as an “orbital fracture,” which is just the medical term for smashed face. But you know what’s not on there? Tito Ortiz’s cracked skull. Or his bulging discs. Or any injury worthy of a suspension.
Far be it from us to call Tito Ortiz a dirty, excuse-making liar, but it is hard to fathom how a) you could even pass your pre-fight medical exam with a cracked skull, and b) you could then get punched and kicked in that same cracked skull without warranting a medical suspension afterwards. We’re willing to consider the possibility that Ortiz has a mutant healing ability that somehow repaired the crack in his skull before doctors got a look at him, but that wouldn’t explain why he insists on talking about his many injuries every time he loses.
Unless…he’s afraid that if word gets out about his mutant healing ability he’ll be barred from competing in the UFC, or any MMA organization, forever. His advantage would be so insurmountable that no one would ever want to fight him.
So while he is not injured, he must allow the world to believe that he is, at least until we achieve a new age of acceptance for our mutant brethren such as Ortiz. He must also lose a few fights now and then, just so people don't get suspicious. Yep, that can be the only rational explanation. Because it's either that, or Tito is just saying stuff. And what are the odds of that being the case?
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Comments
Juice Says:
I HAVE A CRACKED SKULL!
Old_Bald_and_Irish Says:
Oh yeah....Tito's a mutant all right
...but not in the cool "Wolverine" sort of way. I was thinking more like "Toad" or "The Blob".
Ballentine Says:
Please PLEASE bring back the Ban on Tito... It was so nice.
MC Says:
However Tito did end up testing positive for being full of shit. His bullshit to truth ratio was the highest ever in history conducted by the NSAC, beating his own record.
Defender Says:
It's stuff like this that makes me happy. It's a throwback to actual journalism...where you looked up facts and reported them to the public.
If I had bulged discs in my neck...I would know exactly what they were called. Not "c something...s7 or whatever" as Tito put it. The fact the crowd booed him after that made my entire night.
It would have been very entertaining to have a betting line based on whether or not Tito had an excuse. But seeing Joe Rogan roll his eyes asking him "what is your injury" was good enough.
Even if dude had 2 broken arms and both eyes hanging by the threads BEFORE the fight...he should have simply said:
"I have no excuse, the better man won that one and I look forward to my next fight."
That is what a MAN would do after pumping himself up so much...instead, he's still just a predictable broken record.
NateGetsIrate Says:
So I was sitting at a bar watching this UFC and I was telling the guy next to me how I'm really happy that Tito is back because his moronic statements make for some great entertainment. It turned out that this guy personally knew Tito and didn't find that funny at all. Tito's always been real cool and respectful with him and everyone he knows. We continued talking though, and even betted on fights. Finally, it's later in the evening and Tito is making his memorable, excuse speech. All of a sudden, Tito fan #1 no longer seemed to take pride in knowing the HBBB, and said something along the lines of "wow. i can't believe he just said all that."
It never felt so good to say "i told ya so!"
SouthsideHitman Says:
What an unbelievable cock.
vyapaar Says:
Further "Validates" my reason to have a genuine hatred for that guy. Go ahead Tito, keep blaming your not being able to win a fight unless it is some washed up, old fighter on steroids like Ken Shamrock.
He is fortunate that Mark Coleman got injured -- otherwise he might actually would have got knocked out by him -- remember he took Shogun almost 3 rounds to take down coleman. If Tito lost to Coleman, he would have looked real, real bad. I wish he keeps fighting in UFC and keep losing -- It is awesome to see him get beaten every time he fights.
Soda Popinski Says:
"i believe him"
-matt mitrione
El Famous Burrito Says:
Obviously, what happened was, the medical examiner took a look at Tito, then looked at Jenna Jameson, then looked at the thinness of his rubber gloves and said "You're fine. Get outta here."
agentsmith Says:
Tito's had a cracked skull since birth.
Sabado Gigante Says:
I score this story 30-27!
NateGetsIrate Says:
The Huntington Beach "Bitch" Boy.
Vrax Says:
Well played, Soda Popinski, I actually lol'd.
Dr. Says:
Tito isn't a mutant. His head is another thing. But not in the healing way, more like the too-big-for-one's-body way.
All the beanies on his PA site are only available in XXL.
Titos Head Says:
you cant crack that head
se7ensenses Says:
Tito's a crack-head, indeed.
Levi Jones Says:
Tito's "I have a cracked skull" speech is to MMA what Tyson's "My back is broken" speech is to Boxing.
ktfo Says:
Tito's skull is so thick due to all the generations of inbreeding. Everyone knows that.
Flotsam Says:
Hey Tito! Easter Island called. It wants its head back.
Ouch That hurts Says:
Well of course the doctor cleared him, he went over to Tito and said "Let me tell you how you're feeling"
provrorsbarn Says:
well he didnt move at all in the third round....and in my community we call that "lazy"
MMAMoneyLine Says:
If guys are really injured going into a fight, the truth is going to come out in the medical suspensions. It looks so much worse if you say you were injured after you lose than if your is reported by an unbiased source. I still don't know why the hell guys do what Ortiz did.
Ed M Says:
Right, as if something of this physical plane could crack that fat noggin of his.
TrouserSnout Says:
Damn....guess a little of that was true...he is on the list, but not for any of that bullshit that came out of his mouth....
Tito Ortiz: Suspended until Dec. 22 and no contact until Dec. 13 for bruised ego and lack of intelligence.
Catalyst8487 Says:
I laughed when Coleman was his first opponent but after watching that fight I think Coleman would've shocked some people.
Tito vs Stephen Bonnar?
Videodrome_NOW Says:
It's really our fault for paying to see Ortiz as the main event. Shame on us. Never again will i ever pay for an event if Tito "puss wagon" Ortiz is even on the card. You hear me Dana??? NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And how the fuck did Koscheck impress Dana more than Amir?
Flotsam Says:
I hate to say it, but I enjoy watching this guy fail as much as I enjoy watching the good guys win. I would like to think I have the strength to refuse to purchase any PPV that benefits Tito - but the truth is, I would pay for the chance to see him lose, or to hear him mouth-fuck himself at the microphone. I love to hate this guy.
By the way, every posting here is great. You folks are hilarious.
Plus, no one has come to Tito's defense. That brings me joy.
LetMeStickItInY... Says:
I never pay for UFC shows. I go to local bars to see em. I think the last show I ever paid for was Lesnar v.s. Mir I. I wanna have a fight with Ortiz. See who really has the bigger head, literally, I wear a 7 3/4 fitted hat. What about you Teet's? Huh ? What size do you wear?
Oh and he shall forever be known as Teet's to me.
Fight Fan Says:
Thanks for the laughs, fellas.
robthom Says:
Article title should just be made into a rubber stamp.
vengful1 Says:
Sounds like hes got a crack between his legs. Get it? Cuz he's got a vagina!
Spidey Sense Says:
I love it. I love the fact that I despise Tito as much as I do and that he is back in the UFC. I know, that seems contradictory, since why would I want to see a douche like that on tv all the time. But, I have recently come to realize that if there is any justice in the world, than Tito is back in the UFC for a reason: to shoot his mouth off, to trash talk everything and everyone, then get his ass handed to him on a regular basis by valid opponents.
Then, since he's such a douche and oblivious to reality as the rest of us understand it, he'll continue on with the litany of excuses at the post fight press conf.
So, more power to you, Tito. You're the only fighter in the UFC who will get his ass kicked just so he can go home to a wife with a solid 348,621 miles of dick on her. I mention this to highlight the fact that Tito is the only human male alive that thinks it's a status symbol to have Jenna Jameson as a wife. For God's sakes, Howard Stern assfucked her.
And P.S. - it's severe "punishment" for any loser to wear your brand. Might as well wear a sign that says "Please kick me in the balls."
Flotsam Says:
I just spat Diet Coke through my nose. Thanks.
sxjohnson Says:
Seriously guys, I laughed out loud at this!!
P.S. Tito just posted on Twitter he'll be "back to training" tomorrow.... even with that "cracked skull" and "bulging disc"... the man is a freak of nature!
Clinch-Smash Says:
Great story and even better posts!