(The beanie? Tito says it’s to cover up his exposed brain matter. Photo courtesy of Fight Magazine.)
I was just sitting here working on a get well card for Tito Ortiz – you know, because of his cracked skull – and just as I was almost finished gluing the little tissue paper flowers onto the construction paper, I happened to see the list of medical suspensions handed down by the NSAC after UFC 106. The injured foot that Forrest Griffin mentioned in his post-fight interview? That’s on there. The smashed face that Luis Cane obviously suffered from a Little Nog left hand? That too, only it’s described as an “orbital fracture,” which is just the medical term for smashed face. But you know what’s not on there? Tito Ortiz’s cracked skull. Or his bulging discs. Or any injury worthy of a suspension.
Far be it from us to call Tito Ortiz a dirty, excuse-making liar, but it is hard to fathom how a) you could even pass your pre-fight medical exam with a cracked skull, and b) you could then get punched and kicked in that same cracked skull without warranting a medical suspension afterwards. We’re willing to consider the possibility that Ortiz has a mutant healing ability that somehow repaired the crack in his skull before doctors got a look at him, but that wouldn’t explain why he insists on talking about his many injuries every time he loses.
Unless…he’s afraid that if word gets out about his mutant healing ability he’ll be barred from competing in the UFC, or any MMA organization, forever. His advantage would be so insurmountable that no one would ever want to fight him.
So while he is not injured, he must allow the world to believe that he is, at least until we achieve a new age of acceptance for our mutant brethren such as Ortiz. He must also lose a few fights now and then, just so people don’t get suspicious. Yep, that can be the only rational explanation. Because it’s either that, or Tito is just saying stuff. And what are the odds of that being the case?