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Fail of the Century: Mariusz Pudzianowski vs. Butterbean

After a laughably transparent hype-up, Mariusz Pudzianowski and Eric “Butterbean” Esch squared off Saturday night at KSW 14 in Lodz, Poland. The main event was a disaster before the fight even started. Check out the above video, in which an underprepared Polish soul-singer named Mateusz Krauwurst absolutely murders “The Star Spangled Banner” in a botched tribute to Esch’s homeland/shorts. For reference, here’s a quick phonetic transcript:

“Ohhh say can you see
Mah’downse, duh-early lied
Were so proudly behaaaaaaved
Byyyyy the twilight’s that leaving
[pause, scattered laughter]
Hair thee rockets were glare
And the rockets were glurrrrrr…
[singer nervously hums, then quits]”

It didn’t bode well for the 450-pound American power-puncher. And unfortunately, the fight was just as embarassing… 

As you can see, ‘Bean finds early success with his jab, and Pudzianowski returns fire with leg kicks. The Polish strongman shoots for a takedown at the vid’s 0:56 mark, and it’s pretty much a wrap from there. As we previously learned in his YAMMA fight against Pat Smith, once Butterbean hits the canvas, he’s not getting up without assistance. And so, Pudzianowski slugs Esch with frantic, sloppy hammerfists until Butterbean taps. The Polish fans roar in triumph, and if I’m not mistaken, start blowing vuvuzelas. Pudzianowski is now 3-1 in his MMA career, and bounces back to the W column after his color-shifting performance against Tim Sylvia in May.

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MoTropolis- September 21, 2010 at 7:27 am
That IQ statistic isnt exactly accurate, seeing as its also pollacks grading the test's.
kuffodog- September 21, 2010 at 2:00 am
"After a laughably transparent hype-up, Mariusz Pudzianowski and Eric "Butterbean" Esch squared off Saturday night at KSW 14 in Lodz, Poland. The main event was a disaster before the fight even started. Check out the above video, in which an underprepared Polish soul-singer named Mateusz Krauwurst absolutely murders "The Star Spangled Banner" in a botched tribute to Esch's homeland/shorts.".....

Obviously you neither speak Polish nor did you hear the hideously slaughtered Polish National Anthem at Moosin The God of Martial Arts, promoted by Butterbean, where Pudzianowski LOST precisely because of the way that anthem was performed - it completely psyched him out.

If you think that EITHER of these PROFESSIONAL athletes is a joke - I suggest you get in the cage with Eric Esch and see if the traumatic life threatening brain injury you incur in under 30 seconds will change you mind.

I'll spell it out to you so your FEEBLE mind can understand: the American National Anthem was botched on purpose. Then the Polish National Anthem was played as a LOUD instrumental... only to be drowned out by SIXTEEN THOUSAND POLISH fans singing the CORRECT WORDS. This was on Polish Network TV watched by MILLIONS of viewers. The commentators summed it up this way "maybe it's simply better to play the national anthems from playback" in clear sarcasm directed at the Moosin event.

This was clearly understood by Eric and Mariusz. And as you can see the victor humbly bows his head while the loser holds his head high, stands at attention and then bows to the better man.

One more thing about the stupidity of the Polish in some of those ignorant comments here: Poles have the highest IQ average of any nation in the world at about 109.
Ballkick- September 20, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Butterbean is lucky Rosenthal was not the ref here, I dont think he could have taken the Shane Carwinesk face smashing till the end of the first round.
But I do think Puds would have been gassed out by the 2:30 min mark of the first round.
Then Mr. Bean need only apply the side choke,.........provided the Turtle could get off his back.
That was the most pathetic thing I've seen since I watched a drunk chick on crutches trying to play dance dance revolution.....sick, sad, and lame.
Seoul Brother- September 20, 2010 at 8:22 pm
@Socal Tot: Because the producers would then be forced to take that show title literally and then it would be one really short fucking show.

He should be a resident on "Inside Brookhaven." Google that shit if you haven't seen the show on TLC or Discovery Health.
Socal Tot- September 20, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Why isn't Butterbean a contestant on The Biggest Loser?
Naked Rear Poke- September 20, 2010 at 4:00 pm
At least Mariusz finished him before he turned into "Super Grimace", as he is wont to do.
topdog- September 20, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Man Butters arm was there for the taking. An armbar never gets that easy...
Clyde- September 20, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Is anyone else reminded of the scene when Blade was shining the UV torch on Pearl?
MoTropolis- September 20, 2010 at 2:40 pm
If you watch closely enough, you can actually see Butterbean's blood pressure tapping out about 6 seconds before he does.
SgT.SauceD- September 20, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Give Butter Bean a sailor's hat and line the ring with model buildings and it would look like Puds was doing battle with the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man...
Seoul Brother- September 20, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Mariusz at least was judicious with his strikes and trying to figure out how to take Jabba down. I would love to see him in a real fight with a real opponent. And let's not forget that while he is a multiple World's Strongest Man title holder, he's also studied Kyokushin Karate.

Jabba on the other hand was so fat, he has a gravity well. How much soap could Tyler Durden get off of Eric Esch's ass?
Mr_Misanthropy- September 20, 2010 at 12:33 pm
I want to play hide the Golabki with those skanky Polish ring girls.

I applaud the Pudz's innovative use of large pink fleshy surfaces for advertising sponsorship. I'm looking forward to seeing him all done up as the Spam Nascar at his next "fight".
Fedor Penn- September 20, 2010 at 11:54 am

Yeah you're right, I have yet to roll with someone whom is obese. Gotta step up my training!
Fedor Penn- September 20, 2010 at 11:50 am
Is Butterbean too fat to pull guard or does he just not bother learning?
El Guapo- September 20, 2010 at 11:48 am
"That guy sings like Mumbles talks"

BWAHAHHAHAHAHA! Give that man a shitty DVD ASAP. And poor Butterbean. Kid coulda been champ if he lost a few(hundred)pounds.
semi-trained- September 20, 2010 at 11:40 am
I am, for some reason, made vaguely uneasy by the last two lines, which involved, in close succession, the words 'thin', 'golden', and 'stream'.
semi-trained- September 20, 2010 at 11:37 am
@ Fedor Penn:
The point of pulling guard for those of us without grotesquely bloated physiques is to put OTHER people in it. But in Butter-guard (call it), there is simply no room for anyone else once the thighs have enclosed one's own bizarre and shamefully distended girth. And--not to go all technical on your ass, but it's pretty clear from your question that you have little experience with, hence no understanding of, the grappling techniques of the morbidly obese. So go out and find someone clutching a bag of burgers and blood pressure pills and roll with him. You're welcome.

@everyone else: only this thin but golden comment stream stood between me and a completeley mirth-less Monday. It was enough.
DiazBrotherFromAnotherMother- September 20, 2010 at 11:28 am
butterbean is like a turtle when hes on his back, it would be strenuous for him to get out of that position even without someone on top of him slapping his face silly
2DaDeath- September 20, 2010 at 10:42 am
Reminds of karoake the other night. I totally thought I knew the words to "Running With The Devil", but apparently there's way more to that song than screaming like a rape victim.
Fried Taco- September 20, 2010 at 10:40 am
To be able to pull guard, you at least have to be aware of your legs.
RwilsonR- September 20, 2010 at 10:40 am
@ Motropolis - best comment so far!!!
Kimbos Bread- September 20, 2010 at 10:16 am
Is Butterbean anyway qualified (medically) to be fighting? He looks like he wouldn't survive a routine stress test given to recovering quad-bypass patients, not alone 5 minutes of intense MMA.
ReX13- September 20, 2010 at 10:10 am
Sweet eight pound baby christ, CP comments are en fuego this monday morning.
MoTropolis- September 20, 2010 at 10:00 am
Say what you will but that was still an impressive victory. I've never seen anyone beat that dude without punching him in the belly button and making his trunks fall down first.
RwilsonR- September 20, 2010 at 9:51 am
@ Rex - that would be a fun video to watch!

@ dangadadang - That is actually a pretty simple equation since most of the heavy lifting on the physics side has already been done for us. As Butterbean approaches roughly 1.44 solar masses, he will exceed the Chandrasekhar Limit and will overcome the electron degenerecy pressure keeping his form stable. If he continues to absord enough surrounding mass to exceed 3 solar masses, then Butterbean will overcome the remaining neutron degeneracy pressure and fully implode into a singularity, likely with a surrounding black hole. So to answer your question as to exactly when this will happen, the best assumption would be sometime around a week from this Thursday, when Butterbean's jaw heals enough for him to head to the buffet at his hometown Golden Corral.