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Father’s Day Tribute: Five MMA Father-Son Moments That Make Your Relationship With Dad Look Great

Mayhem at the Drug Store

(Jason Mayhem Miller and what we can only assume his father must look like.)

There are two basic reasons that people are looking forward to next season of The Ultimate Fighter: 1) There’s a chance that we may get to see Bisping violently knocked out again, and 2) unlike many of the coaches before him, Jason Miller is an entertainer. If you’ve ever read a “Mayhem” interview or tuned in to MTV’s “Bully Beatdown”, then you’re already aware that the dude knows how to spin a yarn. He’s done all of the leg work for us here, so let’s go straight to the source for this classic father-son tale:

I’m a myspace whore, just like anyone else here, and sometimes I don’t write blogs when I should. I suppose it’s because I want to hold myself to a higher standard than the average myspace bimbo who blogs about retarded shit every day twice a day, but I need to be more disciplined with my writing, so here’s the infamous Eckard Drug Store parking lot fight story, between two titans of street fighting, a 16 year old Jason “Not yet Mayhem” Miller and the original “Iceman” Mike Miller- my father.

The hot August day was going as any other, a pissed off jerk of a 16 year old (me) bitching and moaning about the regular teenage jibberish that now if I were to hear a teen saying that I’d tell them “STFU” with those letters, not even the words.

I was riding in the middle row of the vans bench seats, hunched over whining in my parents’ ears about going to get my drivers license or something appropriately 16 years old, my dad driving and mom in the passenger seat. As we pulled into the parking space, the conversation took a negative turn and my mom got snappy, and jumped out of the van, as I said “You don’t gotta be a bitch about it!” Which wasn’t too strange around that time in my life. Unfortunately, and unexcpectedly, that hit a chord with my dad and before I could blink twice *SMACK* he straight jack-slapped me, backhand Sampress style. Which fired me up something fierce.

“One of these days someone’s gonna beat your ass for that shit!” I spouted off.

I didn’t mean that day.

My dad boxed a bit in the day, and thanks to the bodybuilding movement in the seventies he was (and still is) a certified meat-truck. He came shufflestepping around the backside of the van, one hand cocked in the “Miller Fighting position” which is like a boxing stance, with your right hand near your waist, which I guess gives you more time to load up on an over-hand right, and makes it easier to wrestle when the time comes.

When I saw him shufflestepping, immediately I was shocked- I thought the shit was over- “bitch”*SMACK* ok, we’re even, nope. Not a chance. Once I realized “it’s on” I got into the Miller Stance and started circling, ready to put it on my old man, regardless of whether or not the 82nd Airborne had hardened him into a killing machine.

In the two to three seconds that we sized each other up, I thought to my recent viewing of the UFC the one where Marco Ruas fought a much bigger opponent, Paul Varlens and beat him by leg-kicking him- essentially “chopping down the tree,” I figured since I’m giving up 30 pounds, I can employ that strategy, even though I had never even kicked a heavy bag at this point in my life.

So I threw my hardest- soccer inspired thai kick to his lead leg. My dad didn’t even blink at my flimsy kick, just unloaded his right hand into my snotbox, popping it like a ketchup packet. I had wrestled a bit, so I just shot in on a single leg, a bit dazed, now blind and bleeding, my dad sprawling and potshotting me like silly. I still remember how hot the brand new parking lot was- burning my legs as I tried to get him down. Had we not been father and son, it would’ve been smart of him to push my face down to give me the roadrash/burn combo of the year, but he wasn’t into fighting dirty. However, at this point in the losing battle, I was. From my terrible position, now underneath my pops, I reached up and did the number 1 rule in the UFC. “No fish hooking” I went for it. Luckily he didn’t bite off my finger, and once he got loose, up walks the nicest pair of polished shoes I had seen in a while.

A uniformed police officer. “Yeah, that’s right! You’re going to jail!” I shouted like a punk kid who just got his ass beat would. “Take his ass!” All I hear is “Sir, do you need help with your son?” Goddamnit, I can’t win. So I ran a bloody 2 miles home, getting stung the whole time by mosquitos.

I guess I learned a few things from that incident. 1 Don’t call Mom a bitch. 2. Hands up on a leg kick. 3. Love your family, it’s much easier on your nose that way.

Words to live by, kids.

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CrushCo- June 20, 2011 at 7:09 am
Regarding the "baseball court", that's what GSP calls it in the linked video. Regarding my spelling, yes, I suck.
sPeLLcHeCkEr- June 20, 2011 at 6:15 am
typo:
" 'Skala' was publicly busted sneaking a peak at Gina Carano" should be "sneaking a peek".

and yeah, "baseball court"? unless you meant "baseketball".
dcmsm- June 20, 2011 at 12:44 am
No mention of Jens Pulver?

"It was the scariest moment in Jens Pulver's terrifying young life. Pulver's father was in a drunken rage, which happened regularly. He pulled out a shotgun, aimed it at his son and told him to open his mouth. Pulver said that after a few terrifying moments, his father took the shotgun out of the 7-year-old's mouth and told him, "You aren't worth the bullets." Pulver, his three younger siblings and their mother lived in terror for years. Beatings and verbal abuse were a regular occurrence. "
WuTangClan- June 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm
What the fuck is a "baseball court"?
ReX13- June 19, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Really well done, Crush.

Can't believe you missppelled schadenfreude though. That's rookie shitt, yo.
SquidInk- June 19, 2011 at 11:42 am
1. Whoever made the Leben vid complete with sound effects and text is a keyboard warrior, nothing more. I'd pay to see that person refer to Quarry as a "fag" in person. Regardless what you think of Quarry as an MMA fighter, I'd bet the farm that he'd be able to handle business with the creator of that vid.

2. God bless Seth Petruzelli for derailing the Kimbo Slice bandwagon of bullshit.

3. Fuck everything about the Shaws.
hooligun- June 19, 2011 at 10:32 am
great story, thanks.
Cryptococcus neoformans- June 19, 2011 at 9:17 am
hxxp://www.someecards.com/2011/06/17/great-moments-in-fatherhood

This is a better list
mDino- June 19, 2011 at 9:10 am
carwin may not have heart but he fights for pride and thats respectable
Dizzylittlelord- June 19, 2011 at 8:55 am
the coleman thing is fucked up, the miller thing is hilarious and the gina carano naked pictures behind the towel dont work
KrmtDfrog- June 19, 2011 at 8:46 am
In fairness to Coleman, the story I heard was that the kids were supposed to be in the back, but Coleman spotted them in the crowd post fight and he felt he had to console them with the daddy is fine, etc. So the fault on this would be (like so many other things) on the PRIDE honchos.
Cryptococcus neoformans- June 19, 2011 at 7:57 am
That Miller story is parenting gold! Who's to say that's not good parenting?
rngeorgeh- June 19, 2011 at 7:17 am
Is Kimbo's son "special"? Just wondering...
WK- June 19, 2011 at 7:04 am
Oh shit, that Miller story was awesome.
FightZen- June 19, 2011 at 6:47 am
Not sure it the sound on that last vid was messed up, or it was just my pc, but Coleman sounds like Lou Ferrigno. Which is kind of how I think Mark Coleman would sound these days...
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