Sit back, warm up your jaws, and get ready for CagePotato’s main card liveblog of UFC 160. The pay-per-view broadcast will be popping off at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, and your friend George Shunick will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump.

On tonight’s menu: Cain Velasquez will attempt to defend his heavyweight title against his old buddy Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva, while ex-champ Junior Dos Santos and Mark Hunt throw down for the next crack at the belt. Plus, light-heavyweights Glover Teixeira and James Te Huna put their three-fight win streaks on the line, lightweights Gray Maynard and TJ Grant meet in a potential #1 lightweight contender’s match, and Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone opens things off by roping an outmatched calf named KJ Noons.

Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let your voices be heard in the comments section. Thanks for being here, guys.

Welcome, vagabonds. I hope you’re all enjoying your Memorial Day weekend festivities, but not so much that you don’t have the chance to indulge in some legal blood-letting tonight. You have the top two heavyweights trying to set up their third meeting in the near future, a fan-favorite, heavy-handed underdog who will do everything in his power to stop that, an ascendant light heavyweight in Glover Teixeira who could conceivably receive a title shot following an impressive victory, and a pair of exceptional lightweight tilts, including a certain title eliminator. Satisfied?  Now sit down, fill your morbidly obese face with the last scraps of Taco Bell and the cold pisswater you call beer and prepare to bear witness to another glorious night of carnage.

Alright, the main card’s about to start. Predictions anyone? I’ve got Cerrone, Maynard, Teixeira, Dos Santos, and Velasquez. Not exciting, I know. I wouldn’t be surprised if Grant and Hunt pulled off upsets, though, and I can totally see Cerrone getting drawn into a boxing match he can’t win. Still, favorites are favorites for a reason. What about yourselves, Potato Nation? Call them upsets now, before they happen.

Alright, time for the fights…

KJ Noons vs. Donald Cerrone

Cerrone should take this; his ground game is vastly superior to Noons’, and if he uses his kicks to dictate the range the fight is fought at, he should win handily. However, Cerrone has a penchant for losing his cool and engaging in boxing matchups against guys with much better hands than him. Noons is one of those guys. Let’s see which Cerrone shows up. Either way, this won’t be dull.

Round 1

Noons starts out with low kicks. Cerrone attempts a takedown and throws a knee. Lands a nice right. Nice jab from Cerrone. Low kick from Noons. Cerrone misses a headkick. He lands a counter jab. Noons is cut next to his right eye. Cerrone goes for another headkick but its blocked. Noons still landing low kicks. Nice kick to the liver from Cerrone. Now a kick to Noons’ left side. Nice knee from Cerrone as Noons attempts to rush him. Noons blocks a high kick. Cerrone lands a takedown, but Noons scrambles up quickly. They exchange kicks. Noons lands another low kick. Cerrone answers with a much harder one. Cerrone accidentally lands a low blow, acknowledges it, but Noons is fine. Strong knee to the body from Cerrone. KJ lands a jab. 1-1-2 from Noons. BIG combo from Cerrone. Landed 4 punches before a big head kick that partially connected. Another headkick partially lands, but Noons circled away from it. The round ends, 10-9 Cerrone.

Round 2

Cerrone lands a takedown to open the round, and in the scramble lands a knee as Noons stands. Noons lands a jab. he’s looking for a rear uppercut, but he’s telegraphing it. Nice counter hook from Cerrone. As Noons rushes in, Cerrone circles out and lands a cross. Noons answers with his own. Cerrone grabs a Muay Thai clinch and lands a knee to the face. Noons lands a combination, but Cerrone is unfazed. Cerrone lands a hard leg kick, but both men have slowed, especially Noons.Hard kick to the liver from Cerrone. Noons answers with a hard left hook. Nice knee to the body from Cerrone. Noons answers with a left hook. He lands a jab as Cerrone circles away. He hits a spinning backfist, rushes in, and gets taken down for his effort. Cerrone works in Noons’ guard, landing short hammerfists. Noons tries to puch him off with his legs, but Cerrone uses this to pass to half-guard. He works Noons’ head and body. Noons isn’t taking much damage, but he doesn’t have an answer for Cerrone. Cerrone moves to side control as the round ends. 10-9 Cerrone.

Round 3

The doctors had a look at Noons’ right eye before the round, but the fight continues. Low switch kick from Cerrone. Cerrone landing his jab, then follows with a hook. Front kick Cerrone. Noons goads him on, but looks exhausted. Both men miss combinations. Noons lands a cross and hook as he moves forward. However, this costs him again, as Cerrone changes levels and takes him down. Cerrone landing shots from Noons’ guard, working elbows and punches. Noons is cut. Noons tries to escape, but in the scramble they end up right back where they began. Cerrone landing hard elbows. Noons is really beginning to bleed. He tries to return fire from the bottom, but it’s a futile gesture. Elbows to the body and the head from Cerrone. Noons has nothing to threaten him with. Cerrone passes to half-guard, and then to side control. Cerrone lands solid punches. Blood is in Noons’ eyes, and Cerrone works short punches from the top as the round expires. Round 10-9, fight 30-27 for Donald Cerrone.

The judges agree with me, except for one who saw it 30-26 for Cerrone. It was a one-sided, bloody beatdown, continuing the bloodshed from the prelims. As many have already observed, this might be the bloodiest UFC card ever. And the heavyweights haven’t even hit the octagon yet.

TJ Grant vs. Gray Maynard

TJ Grant is my boy, mostly because of his beard and standing elbows, but much as I want him to win, I don’t think he has an answer for Gray Maynard’s wrestling. It’s a shame, really. Title fights could do with more standing elbows.

Round 1

A tentative start for both fighters. That doesn’t last long. Maynard lands a left hook. Big uppercut from Maynard. Then a right hand and left hook. Maynard’s shots are explosive. Grant counters with a right. Maynard is just bulling forward. TJ lands a cross counter. Big right from Grant that hurts Maynard, but Gray fights his way out. GRANT DROPS MAYNARD WITH A RIGHT!!! Maynard stands and he’s dropped by Grant’s flurry! He manages to stand again, but the same result befalls him! The referee steps in, and TJ Grant just earned himself a title shot.

Mike Goldberg is interviewing some dude who won a lot of money in poker and asks him how poker compares to the UFC. It’s a stupid, stupid question, and the entire thing is a plug for a company the Fertittas invest in, but since I wholeheartedly approve of legal (and illegal) degenerate gambling, I suppose I can’t bring myself to mock the segment too much.

Glover Teixeira vs. James Te Huna

Yeah, Glover’s winning this.

Round 1

They touch gloves and exchange in the center of the octagon. Teixeira works for a takedown, doesn’t get it, but lands a hard right as they separate. Fists are flying, but most aren’t landing. Teixeira lands a takedown, and immediately passes to half-guard. The audience chants loudly, and it’s apparent there are plenty of Brazilians in attendance. Te Huna regains guard as he eats shots from the top. Glover proceeds to pass to half-guard again. Te Huna stands, however, but Glover goes for an arm-in guillotine and it’s over! Te Huna taps quickly, and that’s that. 19 in a row for Teixeira.

Mike Tyson congratulates Teixeira in the octagon afterwards, as does Chuck Liddell. That went about as expected. Bring on the heavies.

Before we get treated to a re-run of Brian Bowles getting his ass kicked by George Roop, we get a quick celebrity cut to Lil Jon in the audience. Lil Jon is apparently a celebrity by UFC standards. In other news, the bar for “celebrity” has been set so low by the UFC, James Cameron had to go to the bottom of the Mariana Trench to get it.

Mark Hunt vs. Junior Dos Santos

There isn’t really anything left to say about Mark Hunt that hasn’t already been said. He was born down. That’s all you need to know. On any other night, Junior Dos Santos would probably be the most likeable fighter on the card. Not tonight. But for all that, Hunt’s ground game is still a glaring Achilles heel. If he manages to best Dos Santos in the standup – far from a given – he had better make short work of it lest the fight hit the ground. Godspeed, you crazy bastard, you. Meanwhile, “Cigano” looks determined. I wouldn’t envy anyone in his way.

Round 1

AWESOME staredown. They touch gloves. Low kick from Hunt. Overhand from Dos Santos. Hunt rolls with it. Counter left hook from Hunt lands. He’s looking for that hook. He lands it again. And again. Hunt rushes in and lands some more. BIG RIGHT FROM JUNIOR DROPS HUNT. Hunts recovers and stands, but he’s wobbly. Hunt with two big swings and misses. Hunt misses a cross counter. Dos Santos goes for the overhand, but it misses. He evades Hunt’s shots and lands a right. Then a jab to the body. Junior is cut, however, above the right eye. Both men land rights. Spinning backfist from Hunt and left from Dos Santos. Kick from Dos Santos. Hunt misses a big overhand, but Junior doesn’t miss his! The round ends, 10-9 Dos Santos.

Round 2

Big right hand from Hunt, followed by and overhand from Junior. Dos Santos misses a wicked left hook. Hunt lands a kick and hook of his own. Kick from Hunt answered with a right from Dos Santos. Hunt lands a counter left hook. And another. Cigano misses the overhand. But lands a nice jab. Right to the body from Hunt. They exchange jabs. Another big overhand right followed by a jab from Dos Santos. More jabs. Hunt parries two and chases after him to no avail. Spinning back kick to the body from Dos Santos. Hunt lands two short rights. jab from Dos Santos. Hunt misses an overhand, but lands a big combination against the fence. Dos Santos decides to go for the takedown, however, and lands it to the chagrin of the crowd. He’s in half-guard and looks briefly for a kimura, but instead works on short punches. Dos Santos passes to side control, and works elbows from a crucifix. Hunt escapes and stands at the bell. 10-9 Dos Santos.

Round 3

Counter left from Dos Santos as Hunt looks for the killshot. Counter left from Hunt now. jab from Hunt. Hunt lands a right, but he’s not really hurting Dos Santos, who lands a jab. Dos Santos lands a counter hook. Hunt is tired. Jab from Hunior, but he misses the big overhand. Hunt misses a left hook. Dos Santos lands some close punches, and they exchange jabs. Dos Santos pumping his jab and lands a counter cross. Dos Santos is busting out the combos. Hunt lands a kick to the midsection. Hunt misses an overhand. Dos Santos lands an uppercut. A left from Dos Santos staggers Hunt. Hunt swings bombs to get Junior off his back. Hunt staggers forward INTO A SPINNING BACK KICK FROM DOS SANTOS THAT DROPS HIM!! WOW. WOW. Dos Santos leaps out of the octagon to shake Mike Tyson’s hand. Amazing finish.

Didn’t see that one coming. Kudos to Dos Santos for going all out despite leading through almost three full rounds. Looks like he’ll get that title shot he wanted. It’s impossible not to be happy for the man as he gleefully shouts “I WONNNN!”

WTF WHY AM I WATCHING AN ONLINE POKER AD?? AND A HARLEY DAVIDSON AD??? THIS IS PAY PER VIEW, I DEMAND A LACK OF INANE COMMERCIALS! IN ALL CAPS!! Seriously, low brow stuff from the UFC here. Just bring on the title fight, already.

Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva

Let’s be real. Unless Silva catches Cain fooling around the feet, or somehow gets on top of him, he’s not winning this fight. Cain has the edge in cardio, speed and technique. So long as he can keep his distance and land takedowns, the fight is his to lose. If he wins, as expected, it will set up a rubber match with Dos Santos. Can’t think of any reason not to root for that. Unless you’re Bigfoot Silva.

Round 1

Round 2

Round 3

Round 4

Round 5

The FX Prelims broadcast for UFC 160 kicks off tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Anthony Gannon will be laying down live round-by-round results after the jump. So will Khabib Nurmagomedov redeem himself after shitting the bed at yesterday’s weigh-ins? Can Mike Pyle enter the four-fight win streak club? And which obscure TUF winner will we have to start caring about, Colton Smith or Robert Whittaker? Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and use the comments section to let us know you’re here.

What up, Potato Nation? In honor of Memorial Day – as we pass the time chugging beers and stuffing our diabetic faces with Ball Park franks – let us pay homage to those who made the supreme sacrifice so we could be free to live our disgustingly gluttonous lives. That being said, before we dive into tonight’s action, a little reflection is in order.

The bloodiest war in American history – some of you know it as the Civil War; others, the War of Northern Aggression – brought this noble holiday upon us. Whatever you wish to call it, the fact remains that it was a real fucked up war. Memorial Day was born of that fucked up war as a day to remember the greater than 600,000 Americans who died in it. It’s since become a day to honor those who died in all wars – well, technically. In reality it’s a day off work where we eat, drink, and buy shit on sale. So it’s really no surprise that the true meaning of the holiday has been lost on so many.

But still, you’d think the name alone, Memorial, would at least lead a person to venture an educated guess. Not so much. This video right here some shameful shit. Luckily though, part of being a free person includes the liberty to be as ignant as you damn well please.

God bless America! Now let’s get it poppin’ up in this bitch.

If you missed the weigh-ins last night do check it out. Just peep Mike Tyson in the picture above and tell me what you see, well besides the psychotic facial tat. My man is sporting all white, like all white, down to his kicks. Normally I spend the weigh-ins in deep philosophical contemplation about who has the most little bumps on their areolas: Arianny, Britney, or Joe Silva. This time I couldn’t divert my attention from Tyson’s absurd wardrobe. Trust me, it’s a surreal must-see.

Well, at least we got us some MMA to make sense of this shit. And in case I forget later, WAR MARK HUNT!

Here’s what went down on Facebook:

Jeremy Stephens defeated Estevan Payan by unanimous decision, 30-26, 30-26, 30-27.

George Roop blasted Brian Bowles for a 2nd round TKO.

Stephen Thompson beat Nah-Shon Burrell by unanimous decision, 29-28, 30-27, 29-28.

Khabib Nurmagomedov vs Abel Trujillo starts us off on FX.

Two very promising prospects here. Khabib is 3-0 in the UFC, while Trujillo impressed in his debut back in December by demolishing Marcus LeVessuer with knees to the body that were downright criminal.

Khabib missed weight by 3 ½ pounds. Sucks for him. He chose to forfeit 20% of his purse rather than take additional years off his life by futilely trying to make the limit. Wise decision. The NSAC will get half of the fine, while his opponent will get the other half. Based on his last disclosed purse – a 10/10 contract – that would amount to $2000 in Trujillo’s pockets if he loses, $1000 is he wins. Considering Trujillo’s last purse was the dreaded 6/6, every little bit helps.

Round 1: Trujillo opens with a huge hook, misses. Misses another. Charges forward and lands a shot on Khabib. Trujillo lands a takedown, Khabib working from guard, going for an armbar. Trujillo degending so far, but he’s in a sucky position. Ok, he’s free. Khabib is up, then trips Trujillo to the ground. He stands up, but Khabib is stuck to his back. Takes him down again. Lands a knee to the ribs. Khabib tosses him to the ground again, Trujillo stands right back up. And again. And again. And Jesus H Christ, again. Trujillo reverses, now he’s on top. Khabib in guard, working a triangle. Uh-oh! Now he’s on top with the hold locked on. He’s looking to switch to an armbar, goes back to the triangle, but the round ends, Trujillo survives. 10-9 Khabib

Round 2: Trujillo whiffs a huge shot, Khabib takes his back standing again. Takes him down, but Trujillo spins out. They’re up. Khabib lands a nice shot, now on his back again, trips him to the ground, has his back, working some knees to the Charlie horse area. Now to the midsection. He gets a hook in now, has a body triangle, going for the choke. Khabib lets go of the body triangle, but Khabib is still on him. He hoists him up again and drops him. Look at this, Trujillo spins out again, but they scramble and get back to the feet. Khabib takes his ass down again, riding his back. Trujillo gets up, and guess what? Yep, Khabib drags him down yet again. A couple shots from behind from Khabib. The round ends with a clear 10-9 for Khabib.

Round 3: Here we go, final round. Trujillo begins by missing a huge shot again, seems to be the opener of choice for him. Khabib is handling him in the grappling department again, riding his back as they trade takedowns for stand ups. Khabib with some nice knees to the ribs. Trujillo is looking to Mario Yamasaki for help. What he wants here is a mystery seeing. Khabib on top now, lands a short elbow. Khabib isn’t really doing much damage, but he is dominating Trujillo here. More and more takedowns. Trujillo doesn’t even seem to know he’s in a fight. Oh, big slam by Khabib to end the fight. 10-8 Khabib.

Trujillo represented the Blackzilians in that one.

The decision is in, and it’s exactly what you’d expect, unanimous, 30-27 across the board.

Not exactly a red hot way to begin the evening, luckily Colton Smith is up next to heat this shit up.

Colton Smith and Robert Whittaker are up. Two TUF winners here, but really, does anyone actually give a shit about that anymore? I propose we strike that term from the record.

Anyway, nothing better to weaken your buzz and produce an incredible soft-on than a Colton Smith fight. He’s a stick-to-your-ribs wrestler, and, well that’s about it. The problem for anyone who cannot counter that ability is that Colton doesn’t give a scintilla of a shit how aesthetically brutal his fights are. He’s here to win. Hey, can’t fault a fellow for that. No logic in stand and bang when that clearly aint your thang.

It’s all about recognizing strengths and weaknesses and formulating a plan of attack that maximizes the probability of success. Omar would never have been able to take on the Barksdales, Prop Joe, Marlo Stanfield, or anyone else for that matter if he didn’t utilize that formula. His greatest strength was not his cantaloupe sized nuts. It was his patience in reconnaissance. Omar would sit on a stash house, corner or foe for days on end, weeks if need be until he knew every nook and cranny of his target. That was the key to his success. Colton’s strength is to take a fool down and ride out the 15 minutes. I’d bet one of Omar’s substantial testicles that’s exactly what Colton’s going to do here.

Round 1: Here we go. Whittaker has his hands very low. Colton shoots, nice, Whittaker defends. High kick by Colton misses. Colton jumps in, gets tagged. Whittaker with a jab, Colton blocks it with his forehead. Colton lands a nice right hand. Whittaker responds with a right of his own. Nice combo by Whittaker. Leg kick by Colton. Whittaker misses a left hook. Colton misses another high kick. Whittaker sticks a nice jab. Colton throws three rights in a row, misses every one of them. Whittaker stuffs another takedown. Nice TD defense, thank God. Whittaker jumps in, lands a decent shot. Colton responds with a hard shot of his own. And Colton drops him with a big right, working a Kimura. Takes him down with it, but Whittaker is up. Close round. 10-9 Whittaker

Round 2: Colton eats a huge left hook to start things off, he’s hurt. Whittaker lets him off the hook. Colton’s right eye is swollen. Colton lands a decent shot, then a straight right. Counter left by Whittaker. Colton charges in, Whittaker backs him up with a shot to the grill. Big right by Colton skims Whittaker. They exchange, Whittaker takes one in the nads. They continue. Colton with a right, then a kick to the body. Colton eats a couple as he wades in. Front kick misses by Colton. Big left by Whittaker, Colton’s face is a disaster. Whittaker lands another. Oof, Colton eats several upper cuts. Whittaker turning it up as the round closes. 10-9 Whittaker

Round 3: Colton looks like a thin Sloth, he’s banged up. Whittaker opens with a left, then drops Colton and descends on him. The ref steps in and ends it, kind of a questionable stoppage there. He was hurt, no doubt, but not finished by any means.

The official decision is in, and it’s a TKO in round three for Robert Whittaker. Nice win, and great job not letting it turn into a wrestle-hump fest.

Dennis Bermudez vs Max Holloway is up next.

Even though he sports the most pathetically predictable nickname in the biz, Dennis “The Menace” Bermudez has become quite adept at picking up Fight Night bonus checks. Four UFC fights, three checks so far. And if these guys come out and perform as they’re both capable of, this could be another one.

Holloway, at only 21 years of age, is the youngest fighter currently on the UFC roster. He’s a talented striker who’s very rangy for featherweight. If he can stay off his back he’s got a good shot here.

Round 1: Holloway misses a jab, Bermudez misses a straight right. Front kick to the body by Holloway, Bermudez grabs a leg, Holloway defends, lands a nice straight right. Then sticks a jab. Bermudez trying to figure out how to get inside Holloway’s range, eats another jab. Holloway is really working that jab, using his reach very effectively. Bermudez with a leg kick. Combo by Holloway, blocked. Bermudez shoots, Holloway defends. Bermudez has Holloway pressed against the cage, Holloway escapes. Big leg kick by Bermudez. Spinning back kick by Holloway, Bermudez rocked. Knee to the body, Holloway is working him here. Bermudez holding on against the cage for dear life, hoping to recover. Bermudez misses an uppercut, Holloway lands a hige right, then follows with a spinning body kick that looks like it sucked.  Damn, lands another one, then to the head, drops Bermudez. Wow, 10-9 Holloway

Round 2: Bermudez shoots, get sit, but Holloway reverses, takes his back, then backs off with a kick to the face. Damn! Bermudez skims an overhand right, then lands a leg kick. Holloway responds with one of his own, then eats a left hook. Holloway with a jab. High kick by Holloway, blocked. They trade jabs. Hollowat goes hard to the body then lands to the head. Bermudez misses a huge left hook. Holloway lands to the grill. Bermudez lands a hard leg kick. Holloway sticks a combination. Bermudez misses a takedown, but lands an elbow as he presses Holloway into the cage. Holloway responds with an elbow of his own. Holloway with a job, eats another hard leg kick. And another. Holloway throws another spinning kick, barely lands. Bermudez thinks Superman punch, eats another combo. Holloway misses a Matrix kixk. Bermudze gets a takedown, and working in guard. Lands an elbow. Close round. I’d give the edge to Holloway, 10-9

Round 3: They bro hug it out to start things off. Holloway lands to the body, eats a kick to the chops. Bermudze grabs a leg, takes Holloway down. Holloway up, but eats a knee off the break. Holloway goes to the body again. They trade jabs. Jab by Holloway, leg kick by Bermudez. Big right just misses by Bermudez. Jab by Holloway. Bermudez shoots again, gets it, but Holloway pops back up. Kick by Bermudez, blocked. Left lands by Bermudez. Holloway shoots, stuffed. Duel leg kicks by Bermudez, and he lands a takedown. Working from the closed guard, dropping elbows. Nice. Now Holloway has half guard now, but he’s still eating elbows. Bermudze tries to mount, has to settle for half guard again. The round ends with Holloway on top, dropping punches. 10-9 Bermudez

The decision is in, and it’s a split decision for Dennis Bermudez, 29-28 across the board.

Next up we have Mike Pyle vs Rick Story.

Almost two years ago to the day, Rick Story culminated a six fight winning streak by beating Thiago Silva. He was viewed by many as a viable title contender. The sky was the limit for the aggressive youngster from Washington. But then the poor bastard started losing fights: first to Charlie Brenneman, then to Martin Kampmann before a newly minted submission – The Face-Crank of Utter Woe – was invented by Demian Maia and tested on Story. He did, in the spirit of optimism, manage to sandwich a win in there to a guy who no one cares about. Now, coming off a first round starching of Quinn Mulhern, Story is hoping to get back on track to his previous status.

Standing in his way is Mike “King Mullet” Pyle, who at 37 years old is on a sweet hot streak of three first round knockouts, and an overall UFC record that stands at a very respectable 7-3. After ruining James Head with knees in his last outing, Pyle thought he deserved Top 10 billing and all the accoutrement that goes with that, including a Top 10 opponent. While that didn’t happen for him, Story does represent a step up in competition from his previous victims. And while a win wouldn’t exactly put him in the Top 10, it would be one step closer to proving to the world that the Samsonite theory of sporting a ridiculous hairdo is not to be taken lightly in the realm of battle. See Roy Nelson and Ben Henderson.

Round 1: Story takes the center of the cage right off the bat. Pyle lands a knee, Story tosses him to the ground. Story working from Pyle’s guard. Throwing to the body, Pyle working a high guard, looking for submissions. Pyle doing a great job of controlling Story’s posture. He grabs an arm, but Story escapes. Pyle is on his back, but he’s doing a great job of keeping Story busy defending to where he cannot do much damage. Pyle is up. Huge left by Story, then goes hard to the body. Pyle misses a jab. Story whiffs a left. Leg kick by Pyle. Story drops Pyle with a shot, dropping bombs on Pyle. Story is whaling away on Pyle from behind. Pyle survives, but took a beating. 10-9 Story

Round 2: Front kick by Pyle, misses. Huge left by Story, skims Pyle. Story lands a straight left. Pyle clinches and delivers a knee. Story going for a takedown, sticks it. Pyle going for a Kimura. Damn, looks pretty nasty. Story’s arm is free, and he’s in half guard, now full guard. Story can’t get much going from top position, Pyle is defending very well. Pyle looking to push off the cage, Story postures up, but still cannot land anything significant. The natives are getting restless. Story is just kind of laying on Pyle, can’t really do anything. The round ends without much going on. 10-9 Story

Round 3: Softest leg kick ever from Pyle, Story responds with a huge shot to the head. Story goes to the body, Pyle misses a knee. Story looked winded. Pyle lands a front kick. Story answers to the body. Pyle clinches, lands a knee. Then an elbow. Pyle clinches again, Story presses him against the cage. Pyle with another elbow over the top. More elbows from Pyle, and Story is bleeding. Story has Pyle’s back, working some knees to the thigh. The pace has slowed considerably. Story is exhausted, his punches are slow and labored. Pyle is teeing off now, but Story sticks a takedown. Pyle going for an armbar, and sweeps! Beautiful. Pyle has the body triangle, and thr round ends before he could get the submission. 10-9 Pyle

The decision is in, and it’s split. Mike Pyle gets the nod, 29-28.

I like the decision, it means the judges took into consideration that Story, even though on top, did nothing in round two. Nice.

Well that’s it for me, folks. Enjoy the main card. WAR MARK HUNT!

MMA Junkie is reporting that heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez will earn a $400,000 purse for competing in the main event of tonight’s UFC 160 card, win or lose. “Velasquez is scheduled to make a flat $400,000 paycheck at UFC 160 with no win bonus on the line,” Junkie writes.

Of course, this number wouldn’t represent any discretionary bonuses that the UFC may or may not choose to give Velasquez. If the report is true, it might signal a major change in the champion’s purse pay structure.

It was reported that Velasquez earned $100,000 in “show money” for each of his prior two bouts (a win at UFC 146 win over Antonio Silva and a win over Junior Dos Santos at UFC 155), as well as an additional $100,000 in “win money.”

Traditionally, flat pay purses have been had by some of the biggest stars in MMA. If Junkie’s report is correct, it appears as if Velasquez got an improved contract along with that shiny UFC heavyweight title belt this time around.

- Elias Cepeda

If we weren’t supposed to be talking about Fallon Fox until her next fight took place, then today the unofficial ban has been lifted. Last night, Fox defeated then 2-1 fighter Allana Jones by way of modified north-south choke at CFA 11. Fox improved her record to 3-0 with the victory, and will now fight Ashlee Evans-Smith for the CFA featherweight tournament championship.

Other than that, there really isn’t much to see here. Believe it or not, a bout between two inexperienced minor-leaguers that was bumped to co-main event status due to the transgender status of one of the participants didn’t produce a memorable scrap.

Also, Allana Jones chose “Dude Looks Like a Lady” as her entrance song.

The video of the fight and commentary are available after the jump.

- If Allana Jones was a significant step up in competition for Fallon Fox, then I can only imagine how hapless the first two cans she fought were. Jones can take a punch – and opted to take many throughout the fight – but has little else to work with at this point in her career. Make no mistake, just because you can be a professional fighter doesn’t mean that you should be.

- After watching Fallon Fox fight, it’s impossible to disagree with Peggy Morgan when she wrote that Fox “definitely didn’t display the sort of technical mastery she claims to possess.” While Fox – a jiu-jitsu purple belt – looked comfortable on the ground, her stand-up left a lot to be desired. From constantly leaving her chin up and hands down to the lack of head movement she displayed, her striking needs a lot of work.

- Whether or not Fox holds a competitive advantage over the women she is competing against is still open for debate, but it’s safe to officially kill the idea that Fox is at a disadvantage competing against women for the two, maybe three people who actually believed it. If Allana Jones looked timid throughout the fight, it was out of respect for Fox’s strength. And yes, I’m well aware that this entire paragraph may be one of the most “No shit, Sherlock” moments in CagePotato.com’s history.

- Did anybody tell the referee that he’s supposed to be watching for eye pokes? I counted three that went completely ignored.

- Speaking of which, the fans booed Fox in the first round when she attacked Jones after Jones appeared to be poked in the eye. While there is absolutely nothing cheap about continuing to fight when the referee doesn’t stop the fight (also known as that thing you’re supposed to be doing in the first place), Fox goes on to throw a punch at Jones in the second round when Jones tries to touch gloves with her. Not exactly a great way to earn fans when there are already whispers that you’re kind of an asshole.

- Heading into the bout, Fox felt that a victory would put her “only four or five fights away from the UFC.” No comment.

- Since we’re on the subject (sort-of): The Best States To Be A Transgender High School Athlete, via Deadspin.

- Oh yeah, Mike Kyle won his un-retirement fight against Othereem late-replacement Travis Wiuff, since you all cared so deeply about that one.

Based solely on her skills and opponents, should we go back to not talking about Fallon Fox after her fight against Ashlee Evans-Smith? Let us know how you feel. Keep it civil.

@SethFalvo

It’s been a minute since Daniel Cormier made his successful UFC debut with a unanimous decision win over former champ Frank Mir. This week, DC engaged in the personal fan press conference exercise that is the UFC Fan Club Q&A when he fielded questions from folks in Las Vegas to see UFC 160.

During the Q&A, Cormier discusses dissapointing himself in the Mir fight, UFC jitters, teammate Luke Rockhold‘s recent loss, facing Jon Jones, Anderson Silva and what changes he’s planning to make in his lifestyle in order to one day fight at 205 pounds. It’s an at-length, fun and sometimes intimate session with “DC” so enjoy.

- Elias Cepeda

The 24 fighters on the UFC 160: Velasquez vs. Bigfoot 2 card weighed-in earlier today in Las Vegas — with varying degrees of success. First, the bad news: Undefeated lightweight Khabib Nurmagomedov might have just cursed himself to another year of FX curtain-jerking by coming in a whopping 3.5 pounds over the 155-pound limit. Instead of trying to cut 2.5 pounds to make 156, Nurmagomedov forfeited 20% of his purse, 10% of which will go to his opponent Abel Trujillo, with the other 10% going to the Nevada State Athletic Commission. As if that didn’t make Nurma look like enough of a jackass, he followed up the weigh-in by donning his traditional Ben Askren wig then shoving Trujillo for no particular reason. (Skip to the 9:53 mark of the above video, and you will see a side of Burt Watson you’ve never seen before.)

In other news, both heavyweight bouts on the main card feature 20+ pound weight differentials, with Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva coming in 23 pounds heavier than champion Cain Velasquez, and Mark Hunt out-hefting Junior Dos Santos by 25. Check out the full UFC 160 weigh-in results after the jump, and be sure to come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night for our liveblogs, starting with the FX prelims at 8 p.m. ET.

PAY-PER-VIEW MAIN CARD (10 p.m. ET)
Cain Velasquez (240) vs. Antonio Silva (263)
Junior dos Santos (239) vs. Mark Hunt (264)
Glover Teixeira (205) vs. James Te Huna (206)
Gray Maynard (156) vs. T.J. Grant (155)
Donald Cerrone (155) vs. K.J. Noons (156)

FX PRELIMS (8 p.m. ET)
Mike Pyle (170) vs. Rick Story (169)
Dennis Bermudez (146) vs. Max Holloway (145)
Colton Smith (170) vs. Robert Whittaker (171)
Khabib Nurmagomedov (158.5) vs. Abel Trujillo (155)

FACEBOOK PRELIMS (6:35 p.m. ET)
Stephen Thompson (170) vs. Nah-Shon Burrell (171)*
Brian Bowles (135) vs. George Roop (135)
Jeremy Stephens (146) vs. Estevan Payan (145)

* Burrell originally weighed-in at 172 pounds, but was able to make 171 on his second attempt.

Gina Carano Talks Fighting, Fast & Furious 6 (MadeMan)

Jon Jones and Alexander Gustafsson Trade Shots on Twitter (BleacherReport)

More Women’s MMA Fighters Accuse Manager Atchley of Misconduct; Atchley Continues Denials (BloodyElbow)

Be honest: Can you do more pull-ups than Dana White? (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

It Looks Like Fallon Fox’s Weight Cut Went Well, Check Out This Pic of Her in a Bikini (MiddleEasy)

Cain Velasquez: Top 10 Facts You Need to Know (FightDay)

Happy 34th Birthday to Frank Mir! (FamousBirthdays)

10 Random Thoughts About The Impact Wrestling Scratch Off Game (WithLeather)

The 25 Smartest Athlete Purchases in Sports History (Complex)

Military Made: The Fit for Combat Workout (MensFitness)

14-Year-Old Girl OWNS Van Halen’s “Eruption” Solo (Break)

Five Weird Facts About Game of Thrones (DoubleViking)

Arrested Godfather Is the Greatest Mashup of All Time (TurdFergusonBlog)

20 Models in Really Awkward Poses (EgoTV)

BG and Danga are back mahfuckas, baaaaaaaaaaaaam! [*cough*] Excuse me. What I meant to say was, UFC 160 goes down tomorrow night in Las Vegas, so CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up once again to discuss all the important themes surrounding the event. Which heavyweight fight on the main card is more likely to end in an upset? Should we write off KJ Noons as nothing more than UFC shark-bait? What’s a Nurmagomedov gotta do to get some respect around here? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.

It seems pretty obvious that the UFC is trying to set up Dos Santos vs. Velasquez III, but who stands the better chance of throwing a wrench in their plans, Hunt or Silva?

Jared: ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS. The last I checked, Mark Hunt was riding high on the most unexpected win streak in UFC history, turned his last opponent’s jaw into mashed potatoes, and will now be harboring the kind of silent-but-deadly rage that can only be brought about by jet lag. “Bigfoot” is coming off an upset win over a sans testosterone-abusing Overeem, sure, but picking him over the man, the myth, the pseudo-Mexican who reenacted the rock scene from Cannibal Holocaust on him almost a year ago to the day? No thanks, my dude.

Ben: I hate to agree with this jackass — and how dare you try to persuade me by linking to a track from Primus’s underrated Rhinoplasty EP, Jared — so for the sake of argument, I’ll go ahead and say ARE *YOU* KIDDING *ME* WITH THIS?? Mark Hunt has built up a dubious win streak slinging haymakers against guys who allowed him to do so. Junior Dos Santos is far too disciplined to become another victim of the same old rock-’em-sock-’em Super Samoan routine. In a brawl, Hunt has a chance against anybody. But this won’t be a brawl — it’ll be boxing match, and JDS is about as good as they come in that department.

And sure, Hunt has scored a string of upsets against guys like Cheick Kongo and Stefan Struve. Meanwhile, Antonio Silva has scored far more unexpected and dramatic upsets against guys like Fedor Emelianenko and the aforementioned ‘Reem. Bigfoot has heart for days, and fists big enough to dummy up anybody in the heavyweight division on any given night, including the current champion. How many times are you gonna sleep on this guy? #BigfootEra

Gray Maynard vs. T.J. Grant: Who will earn the right to suffer a narrow split decision loss to Ben Henderson next?

Ben: I feel like Gray Maynard is one those fighters who can beat everybody in his weight division except for the very elite talents (see also: Bisping at middleweight, Condit at welterweight), and this seems like the kind of matchup that the Bully wins nine times out of ten. I’m not trying to shovel shit on T.J. Grant’s skills or his recent wins, it’s just that he hasn’t proven himself to be a Top 5 caliber fighter yet and I can’t identify any one specific thing that he does better than Maynard, other than maybe throwing those elbows of his. My prediction: This fight will not be decided by elbow strikes, Maynard will grind out a unanimous decision, and the UFC will change its mind and find somebody other than Gray Maynard to suffer the next narrow split-decision loss to Ben Henderson — maybe Anthony Pettis, after he’s done pretending to be a featherweight.

Jared: Yeah, you’re probably right about Gray, but T.J. Grant 2.0 has been on an absolute killing spree in the lightweight division, my friend. His performance against Evan Dunham really showcased how far he has come as a striker, and coupled with Maynard’s potential ring rust, Grant makes for an underdog pick that I’m more than comfortable placing a few dollars on. The fact that Maynard’s striking doesn’t hold a candle to his ground game leads me to believe that Gray could find himself in a heck of a heap of trouble wherever this fight takes place. While “The Bully” maintains the ability to hold Grant down for long enough to earn another title shot (that he will likely lose), I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and pick Grant to win. Big whoop wannafightaboutit?

Does anyone want KJ Noons to ever win a fight again?

Jared: It sure doesn’t seem like it. I realize that he and Donald Cerrone are both coming off losses (which, in Cerrone’s case, almost meant the loss of his life), but that’s like saying that the Toronto Maple Leaves and the Florida Panthers are both coming off “rough seasons.” Noons has dropped four out of his last five fights, including a (bullshit) loss to Ryan Couture — who was just steamrolled by Ross Pearson in his own debut — in his last contest, and you’re going to stick him in there with “Cowboy” Cerrone, the man who only loses to title holders and future contenders?

Don’t get me wrong, Noons is one tough sonofabitchbastard and this should make for a great fight, but also one that Noons stands next to no chance of winning. Cerrone hasn’t made the same mistake of flapping his gums off like he did before the Pettis fight, but what he will do is use a game plan similar to that of Jorge Masvidal to dominate Noons en route to a UD victory that bears at least one 30-26. My question is: With 5 losses in his past 6 fights, will Noons go one-and-out in the UFC, or is he being primed to take Leonard Garcia’s throne as the affable yet down-on-his-luck slugger?

Ben: I actually think the UFC does want KJ Noons to win another fight and stick around in the company for a while — what with his fan-friendly slugging style and gorgeous head of hair. It’s just that they don’t want him to win this fight in particular. This match is a rebound for Cowboy, plain and simple, and Noons will play his role accordingly. (As for your prediction that one judge will score it 30-26? That would be Cecil Peoples. Meanwhile, Nelson Hamilton and Glenn Trowbridge will dispose of their scorecards after Cerrone wins by second-round TKO. Ah, yeah. Cecil Peoples jokes. I’ve been doing this for over five years now, and that’s not depressing at all.)

The UFC tends to give second chances to guys who are immediately thrown to the wolves in their UFC debuts or step in as short-notice injury replacements and get smashed, and Noons certainly fits that first category. Look for him to return later this year in a fight he can actually win. (Say, what’s that Yancy dude up to?)

Which prelim fighter is most likely to be unemployed after UFC 160? And why is the guy with the best record in MMA curtain-jerking on FX?

Ben: Well, Jeremy Stephens is the only prelim fighter who’s guaranteed to be cut if he loses on Saturday, considering that he’s already on a three-fight losing skid, and he’s fighting an Octagon newbie who’s best known for getting spinning-backfisted into a living death. The only problem is, I think Stephens will win that fight.

So I’m going to make a riskier pick and say Brian Bowles will never fight in the UFC again. The former WEC bantamweight champion has drifted out of relevance following his loss to Urijah Faber at UFC 139 and his subsequent year-and-a-half long injury layoff. George Roop will outstrike Bowles to a decision victory, and the UFC will realize that there’s really no point in keeping Bowles around anymore.

As for Khabib Nurmagomedov (aka “The Eagle”), it’s only his unpronounceably ethnic name that’s keeping him stuck underneath the Colton Smiths and Rick Storys of the world. But once he tears through Abel Trujillo, he’ll be the owner of a 20-0 record and four straight wins in the UFC. At that point, it won’t matter if his name is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop Steinberg, the UFC won’t be able to keep this guy a secret any longer.

Jared: Wow…Roop over Bowles? Scanners, meet gif.

On Bowles’ WORST DAY, he would still beat the stuffing out of the puffed up crow’s cock that is George Roop, and I say that with all due respect. Luckily for us, this theory is going to be put to the test on Saturday, as Bowles will be coming off the longest layoff of his career as you mentioned. While I usually don’t base fight predictions on a fighter’s record, the fact that Roop hasn’t put together 2 wins in a row since 2008 (well technically, 07-08) is a more telling statistic than the reach advantage that Roop will fail to utilize as he has most of his career. Come Monday morning, Roop is going to venting his frustrations with fighter pay, the UFC’s preference of stand-and-bangers, and President Obama’s “crappy policies” to any two-bit journalist that will listen. Don’t worry; I’ve already got his number on speed dial.

It’s anyone’s guess why a guy as talented, not to mention exciting as Kebab NumaNumaYeah is still buried on the prelims, but in this case, I think it might actually make sense. UFC 160’s main card is stacked, quite honestly, yet I haven’t seen one advertisement for the event despite watching Bar Rescue on Spike TV for six hours yesterday. My masochistic TV tendencies aside, DW & Co. are probably thinking that the best way to score some last-minute PPV buys is with an exciting televised card for the meek, non-Smashers to enjoy. Starting said card with a fight that is sure to both bring the pain and piss off the Culinary Union? Sound like a win-win to me.

This Saturday night, you can join us for all the action during our UFC 160 liveblog, but today you can prep for the pay-per-view card with these “Countdown to UFC 160” documentary hype videos, broken up into three segments for the ADD-afflicted among you.

At the top, we’ve got the low-down on the night’s main event rematch — Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva for the UFC heavyweight title. After the jump, check out the story of MMA’s own Cinderella Man, Mark Hunt, as he heads into his number one contender’s bout with former champion Junior Dos Santos. Plus, Glover “Lil’ Iceman” Teixeira continues his path up the light-heavyweight ladder against streaking Kiwi James Te Huna.

Junior Dos Santos vs. Mark Hunt:

Glover Teixeira vs. James Te Huna:

- Elias Cepeda

Just a couple days after floating the possibility that middleweight champion Anderson Silva and light-heavyweight king Jon Jones could meet in a super fight within the year, UFC President Dana White gave the media another tantalizingly qualified statement pertaining to the matchup.

“[Jones and I] talked [Wednesday],” White told assembled media during a scrum Thursday after the UFC 160 press conference. ”His thing is, he says he feels great and the toe’s healing good. But the problem was that ligament. That ligament popped. Anywhere you tear a ligament, blood flow helps the thing repair itself and heal, and you don’t get a lot of blood flow at the toe.”

Jones injured his toe in his successful title defense over Chael Sonnen last month. He is currently in Russia but White says that when Jones returns, he’ll get an MRI to get a sense of how soon his toe might be ready for training and fighting again.

“Who knows – this thing could be six weeks, or it could be six months,” White said. “It’s a pain in the ass. It’s always some crazy little thing. He’s in Russia, and when he gets back he’s getting an MRI done on his toe again.”

So there you have it, ‘taters: Anderson Silva and Jon Jones will totally, maybe, fight each other this year. Silva just has to beat Chris Weidman in July and Jones’ mangled toe has to heal very quickly. Then all that will be left is for the two to want to fight each other which, you know, they haven’t shown any particular interest in doing for the past couple years.

So close.

Damn it, elusive super fights. Why can’t we quit you?

-Elias Cepeda