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“Fight” of the Day: Pretty Much the Most Pathetic Goddamn Thing You Will Ever Witness

(Props: MiddleEasy via MMeh)

Never in our life did we think we would witness a combat sports performance more embarrassing than Nick “Turbo Tax” Capes’ dive against former NFL defensive end Ray Edwards last February. We were wrong. We were so goddamn wrong.

Perhaps all the years spent covering the travesty that is Bob Sapp have desensitized us to the art of the flop. Perhaps we’re just getting too old for this shit. But in all of Sapp’s positively miserable performances, we never once saw him, as our buddies over at MiddleEasy so eloquently put it, “tap to a sprawl.” Sure, he’s tapped to strikes, a takedown, and been knocked out by a phantom punch or two in his time, but this…this is somehow worse.

For starters, this was a title fight, which presumably means that David “The Can” Correa actually beat somebody to warrant his place in the ring. If anyone can find of a video of that fight (if it even exists), we are prepared to pay upwards of two shirts to obtain exclusive rights to it.

Further distinguishing this charade as the pinnacle of pathetic MMA fights is the fact that Correa’s opponent, Aaron Downey, becomes so bewildered by Correa’s strategy — which appears to operate under the belief that a thigh can be strangled into submission — that he seemingly forgets that Jiu-Jitsu is a thing and opts to stare on in awe while his cornermen verbally berate Correa from ringside until he mercifully calls it quits. Hopefully forever.

In any case, “Personal stoppage” is the new “Wouldn’t get up from butt scoot.”

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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Mr_Misanthropy- May 21, 2013 at 10:19 pm
joelforsyth- May 21, 2013 at 9:26 pm
KeithHackneyWindmillPalmStrike- May 21, 2013 at 4:00 pm
That was one hard earned belt
Enricho Palazzo- May 21, 2013 at 1:10 pm
Thank you, 12oz. Praise from Caesar.
Fried Taco- May 21, 2013 at 1:05 pm
The Can does muck better at kick-boxing:
Fried Taco- May 21, 2013 at 1:01 pm
WSoF just announced the main event for an upcoming card:

David "The Can" Correa vs. Scott "Lionheart" Blevins

Somebody's perfect record is going to fall!
The12ozCurls- May 21, 2013 at 12:49 pm
Brav - FUCKING - o Enricho. Give that man a CP t-shirt.
Enricho Palazzo- May 21, 2013 at 12:17 pm
Fun Fact: The guy who screams, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!" -- Kalib Starnes
teep- May 21, 2013 at 12:12 pm
I have played tougher games of Twister than this fight!
keepyahguessing- May 21, 2013 at 12:03 pm
I googled his name...just search the videos - how does a school/gym even let this guy fight

his ammy record is 0-5-0 all first round stoppage...nothing past 2 mins
Fried Taco- May 21, 2013 at 11:57 am
Correa is one tough dude! Most opponents are knocked out by Downey's patented "kiai-sprawl". Downey trained under Master Ryukerin.
NomadRip- May 21, 2013 at 11:52 am
Maybe he just forgot that he had to be somewhere?
The12ozCurls- May 21, 2013 at 11:51 am
At the 1:50 mark - listen to that dude in the crowd. That is EXACTLY what I screamed while watching this.
crappiefloper- May 21, 2013 at 11:20 am
Unfortunately, the presence if cannibus in Downeys subsaquent UA test resulted in,"The Can" retaining the title.