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Finally, The Movie About a Retarded MMA Fighter That We’ve Been Waiting For

WWE Big Show
(Anybody who wants a leading role so bad they’ll take absolutely anything offered to them, raise your hand.)

Remember how we were just talking about the prevalence of both MMA fighters and MMA itself in films, as if it were nothing but a good thing?  We would now like to amend that position.  Our friends at Screen Junkies informed us that the movie barons within the WWE are making a movie about MMA starring their very own Big Show, who will be playing “a slow-witted lifelong orphan” who turns to MMA to raise $50,000 to save the church orphanage that he accidentally burned down.  It is at this point that you are most likely saying to yourself, ‘You friggin’ kidding me over here?’  To which we sadly answer, ‘Yo, would we kid you about something like this?’

The WWE has a complicated relationship with mixed martial arts.  They vacillate between insisting it has nothing to do with their business, trying to mimic it, and taking credit for its success, sometimes all within a matter of weeks.  That they are now making a movie featuring it means that they acknowledge its cultural appeal, but that the movie is about a big, dumb guy who travels to an MMA tournament, presumably having zany adventures and indulging in physical comedy along the way, means they aren’t exactly trying to make the MMA version of “Rocky” with this thing.  I just don’t know if I can sneak a big enough bottle of vodka into the theater to make it watchable.

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bpd- November 5, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Big Show would have been KO'ed by Savio Vega in the Brawl For All.
The Harvester- November 5, 2009 at 12:25 pm
@WarpedAcorn

Ha ha ha your comment was so friggin stupid, I am amazed you possess the internet savy and computer skills to post it in the first place.

Honestly, ha ha ha I am amazed at the supidity of your comment. Please tell me that was some form of wierd misrepresented sarcasm!
ben dover- November 5, 2009 at 7:43 am
co-starring trish stratus as the girl of his dreams

The Hardy brothers as two gas station cashiers with secret hidden bjj master level skills that are shown as they fix a gas pump by armbarring it and doing a flying omoplata off the counter to subdue a robber

and Mark Henry as world's strongest man/enemy of big slow/HUGE black slow guy
netterbog- November 5, 2009 at 6:24 am
You're going to go blind if you keep linking to yourself like that.
WarpedAcorn- November 5, 2009 at 5:55 am
Maybe instead of trying to fit a big enough vodka bottle into a theatre, maybe you should try and fit a theatre inside a really big vodka bottle. Uh oh, did I just give away the plot to the sequel?
IRISHLOBO- November 5, 2009 at 5:43 am
The future IMDB listing will include:

Jesse Taylor as "Retard #2"
Junie Browning as "the Therapist"
Kalib Starnes as "the accomplice who ran away after starting the fire"
Fedor as "man who smothers orphanage fire with invincible sweater of victory"
and

Rampage Jackson as "himself"
sk8rdude0521- November 5, 2009 at 4:55 am
so is this about brock lesnar's rise to fame, or does it take place in the future after he goes crazy and burns down all of the orphanages that are sponsored by bud light?
ArmFarmer- November 5, 2009 at 4:33 am
Anyone seen Crank 2 high voltage? Now that was a trainwreck of a movie. Every time I thought the movie couldn't get any dumber it proved me wrong.. up until the very end when Jason Statham is walking around engulfed in flames trying to make out with an incredibly annoying unattractive japanese hooker. Movies just aren't what they use to be. Good writing has been replaced with special effects, over the top action scenes, and constant unfunny gags.
reddog- November 5, 2009 at 12:33 am
@smitty

kill yourself anyways
Harry Russo- November 4, 2009 at 11:35 pm
It will still be better than Paul Blart mall cop or any piece of shit staring jews like Rob Schneider or Pauley Shore.
Squirrelnuts- November 4, 2009 at 9:25 pm
@agentsmith

Franks and Beans!
Smitty- November 4, 2009 at 8:35 pm
If this movie comes out, I'm killing myself.
Ballentine- November 4, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Bob Sapp is going to be upset when he finds out they casted a fat white man in his life story.
ItburnswhenIpee- November 4, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Sorry, I'm a little out of touch... is this the first biography of Brock Lesnar?
agentsmith- November 4, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Lemme guess, our slow-witted hero was discovered by a shady MMA promoter when someone foolishly touched his earmuffs?
Your Dumb- November 4, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Sadly, Lou Ferrigno and the writer's of "Cage" were way too ahead of their own time for their own good.
Your Dumb- November 4, 2009 at 6:33 pm
People need to learn to read between the lines, clearly the Big Show's character is this movie is meant to represent what a fighter would be like if you could fit every single MMA noob into one body. Well played Vince... well played.
831 Son- November 4, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Wow this world has so many fucking idiots.
mjmcnns- November 4, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Yeah, I heard about this. They're calling it: "Who gave me this ridiculous nickname: The Tim Sylvia Story"
Seoul Brother- November 4, 2009 at 5:50 pm
How dare you talk smack about Captain Insano.
ScarTissue- November 4, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Bring on da fart jokes!
raspberrymight- November 4, 2009 at 5:21 pm
big show's kinda fat.

and to make it worse the wwe are making a "of mice and men" and "cars" hybrid that jus doesnt make sense. shame on them, shame on them indeed
for the love of mma- November 4, 2009 at 5:13 pm
the name of the movie is "The big Slow" co-staring goofy and donald duck
Sneaky Pete- November 4, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Amazing. You had me at 'retarded'.
Bovice- November 4, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Stupid.
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