(Anybody who wants a leading role so bad they’ll take absolutely anything offered to them, raise your hand.)
Remember how we were just talking about the prevalence of both MMA fighters and MMA itself in films, as if it were nothing but a good thing? We would now like to amend that position. Our friends at Screen Junkies informed us that the movie barons within the WWE are making a movie about MMA starring their very own Big Show, who will be playing “a slow-witted lifelong orphan” who turns to MMA to raise $50,000 to save the church orphanage that he accidentally burned down. It is at this point that you are most likely saying to yourself, ‘You friggin’ kidding me over here?’ To which we sadly answer, ‘Yo, would we kid you about something like this?’
The WWE has a complicated relationship with mixed martial arts. They vacillate between insisting it has nothing to do with their business, trying to mimic it, and taking credit for its success, sometimes all within a matter of weeks. That they are now making a movie featuring it means that they acknowledge its cultural appeal, but that the movie is about a big, dumb guy who travels to an MMA tournament, presumably having zany adventures and indulging in physical comedy along the way, means they aren’t exactly trying to make the MMA version of “Rocky” with this thing. I just don’t know if I can sneak a big enough bottle of vodka into the theater to make it watchable.