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‘Freak Show of the Decade’ Gets Freakier: Special Rules Announced for Shamrock-Toney Bout

(Video Props:

Bad news: it’s starting to look like this thing is really happening. Worse news: as if the combatants themselves weren’t awful enough, the injection of special rules qualify it as an early runner for the least-meaningful highly-publicized fight ever.

Realizing that 47 year old Ken Shamrock has lost a lot of spring in his step and that the 42 year old James Toney required Photoshop to get in shape for his infamous MMA debut against Randy Couture at UFC 118, the promoters thought it wise to give the pair plenty of stool time. The fight will be contested in eight 3-minute rounds. Further eliminating any shred of credibility the bout may have feigned, there will be a thirty-second “shot clock” once the fight hits the mat. Clearly the promoters did their research and realized that if anything’s going to happen on the ground, it is guaranteed to go down within half a minute of hitting the mat. Besides, inserting arbitrary rules into a fight to create an exciting “striker vs. grappler” match-up always goes so well.

As a lifelong Ken Shamrock fan, you’re probably relieved that he’ll get a chance to work his magic in the stand-up without the threat of Toney’s relentless leg-lock attacks. Well, congrats, you know your Shamrock well:

I’m going to get in his face. I’m going to put my gloves in his face, and I’m going to rough him up. Because he’s used to fighting nice, pretty boxing. I know how to fight dirty boxing. I’m going to get in his face and I’m going to beat him up… I promise you I will not take him down, not until I put my hands in your face and I put a beating on you and then I’ll take you down and then I’ll play with you.”

Erotic stuff, Ken. This bout is expected to go down in the lawless badlands of Texas in September. There are any number of reasons why it won’t actually take place, and we’ll be holding our breath until the opening bell that this bout joins the list of fights that were “over before they started”, but until then we’ll milk this shit for all it’s worth. Fight picking contest, anyone?… Anyone?

Cagepotato Comments

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Chromium- June 26, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Tell me more about fabulous shopping opportunities on malware sites. We need more spambots here and fewer mods.
Joedirt- June 26, 2011 at 6:30 pm
$20 on Toney. Toney is a joke now... washed up... even still Randy knew not to stand with him. Hey Ken... say good bye to algebra... cuz the concussion Toney gives you will erase that or at the least grade 4 from your brain.
RwilsonR- June 26, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Toney def. Shamrock via TKO at 6 hrs. prior to event (self-inflicted cut above eye)
ccman- June 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Shamrockwill circle and tooney will shoot for the takedown winding himself beyond being able to continue and the gust of exhale will bounce off the matt knocking shamrock out.
Presser will go with "I habbidit dat whit by riht we're I wuted I'm ut he pissed uot fore I culd show I wuz da originalz mma fittier."
"I don't know what mummbles just said but I wasn't ko'ed. Rampage says his stanky breaf removed all the logos from the ring and I was lost. In the haze of it. I WANNA BEAT UP MY BROTHER. I demand a no contest rematch with tito... um I mean him""fo shizzle.... I figt to da deff. How much da irs leevs dis timmm?"
mt59801- June 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I'm going on the record with DOUBLE K.O.

They are in it for the $$, the odds on a draw will have a huge payout. While both men are former champions known for their professionalism and integrity both men need the purse. This should be an action flick not this pathetic circus.

Jim is a down on his luck pro boxer running from the IRS, Kenny is a glass jawed former MMA champion on the run from a syndicate of attorneys. Watch these titans of the ring outwit the man this fall on Toney and The Shamrock only on the CW.
fatbellyfrank- June 26, 2011 at 1:36 pm
this is going to make Ali v Inoki look like a classic must have video for fight fans. Who's putting the money up for this shit,P.T. Barnum?
kellyman- June 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Petruzelli by KO
sinistercannibal- June 26, 2011 at 11:44 am
I dislike both of these guys but I think I would rather the loudmouth knock out the steroid promoter
foodbaby- June 26, 2011 at 10:23 am
Wait, where does James Toney make his money?
DangadaDang- June 26, 2011 at 10:09 am
I already called the side kick KO for the fight picker you sons a bitches.
I'm not one to normally do this but I'm betting this press conference is just part of the work these two decided upon when coming up with this match.
And to the guy who told Toney to "get yo money in the ring", you must not be aware that he still hasn't been paid for his last venture into MMA right?
ReX13- June 26, 2011 at 9:51 am
oh jeeezis, these comments are fucking gold

"organic chemistry" i lol'd
DirtehSneakehs- June 26, 2011 at 9:45 am
That nigga dun did-ed
edhedicus- June 26, 2011 at 9:35 am
We just need to ignore this crap. This is the type of event that nearly killed this sport a decade ago. I would rather see another "David vs Goliath" tournament than this crap. I wont watch. However, I hope that James Phoney knocks Shamrocks head about 10 rows back....
noname- June 26, 2011 at 8:56 am
This is a 24 minute fight!? They must be banking on a quick knockout because this fight is going to get real sad real slow if it goes the full 24 minutes.
CrushCo- June 26, 2011 at 8:55 am
@DARKHORSE: That seems EXTREMELY unlikely. At what time in the video? Then again, he IS easy to understand...
Trouser Snake- June 26, 2011 at 8:41 am
If its outdoors, I'm worried about a vine or twig blowing into the ring and mounting, then choking Toney.

Still, Toney via KO 0:03 round 1 (side check kick)
DARKHORSE06- June 26, 2011 at 8:40 am
Did anyone catch what Toney said? I thought I heard something about organic chemistry.
Payday- June 26, 2011 at 8:26 am
I'm seriously afraid for Ken's health. Seriously. James might be a joke when it comes to grappling and ground work but I guarantee he can punch harder than Ken has ever been hit in his life. Ken might get hit hard enough that he forgets how to count past 10 and can only recognize close relatives.
Clyde- June 26, 2011 at 8:19 am
Toney via superior game plan. Or, not playing directly into your opponents greatest strength and your biggest weakness due to you now dangerously thin glass jaw, as it's sometimes called.
mDino- June 26, 2011 at 8:01 am
BigWhiskey- June 26, 2011 at 7:53 am
I lost respect for Shamrock when he went and pretended to be a pro wrestler. That aside, before I do a fight pick, I need to know if it's outdoors, so I can take into account an errant breeze knocking Ken out and putting him on the ground.