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FYI: Michael Bisping Has a Blog, Because He Can Only Be So Much of an Asshole in Person Each Day

Dan Henderson Michael Bisping UFC 100
(This will become relevant by the end of the article. Until then, let’s just bask in its glory.) 

We’re not sure if we’ve conveyed our feelings regarding middleweight contender Michael Bisping in such articles as “Michael Bisping Asshole Quote of the Day” or the sarcastically-titled “Michael Bisping, Most Understood Fighter in the UFC,” but suffice it to say, we aren’t too high on “The Count.” If you’re someone who appreciates a humble fighter who puts on entertaining fights each and every time they step into the octagon, chances are you aren’t too high on him either.

I can honestly say that I haven’t been outright entertained by a Bisping fight since he fought Wanderlei back at UFC 110, so perhaps he is the correct source to consult when determining whether a fight was boring or not. Luckily for us, Michael could only fit so much dickishness into his schedule each day, so he went and started a blog to make sure we could all be privy to this exact kind of information. In his most recent post, he took aim at Tim Boetsch and Alan Belcher, two fellow middleweights who came up short in somewhat disastrous performances at UFC 155.

We’ve collected all the best snippets, along with our running commentary in bold, after the jump. So join us as we honor (that’s code for “Spill Haterade on”) the nastiest hater since Silky Johnson, won’t you?

From the man himself:

UFC president Dana White has confirmed that if I beat Vitor Belfort in two weeks – which is a big ask – then I get the next shot at Silva. (Be careful, Michael, he said “probably” get a shot. All it takes is one cocky welterweight with higher PPV numbers to turn “probably” into “sometime next year.”) But, that’s the limit of how much I have thought about Anderson Silva. All this talk will be for nothing if I get caught by Vitor Belfort in Brazil on January 19.

I’m doing a few of these blogs, so without wanting anyone to think I’m not 100 percent focused on Belfort and that fight, and in the interest of keeping something fresh to talk about over the next four blogs, I’ll talk a little about UFC 155, which was a huge card for my division. I was there in person and the undercard was great, the last two fights were awesome… and the middleweights let us down (Hard to argue that).

I felt sorry for Chris Leben (You’re not alone there), who didn’t look himself and clearly was suffering from ring rust in his fight. I hope next time he’s the Crippler of old. Fit and healthy, he’s one of the most exciting guys in the UFC (Except when he’s fighting you, in which case he’s neither. BOOM!) and the middleweight division is richer having Leben in it.

Obviously commiserations are in order for my former fellow top five contenders Alan Belcher and Tim Boetsch, who both came up short in big fight at UFC 155 on December 29 (Whaaaa?!). Belcher lost to Yushin Okami and Boetsch lost to Costa Philippou. I respect all my fellow fighters, and I know the agony of defeat, so heartfelt commiserations to both of these two fine, upstanding gentlemen (Look out, IT’S A TRAP!!).

Now I’ve got that obligatory fluffy stuff out of the way (YOU SEE?!), I’d like to say I’m looking forward to these two simpletons keeping their pie holes shut about me for a little while. Those two have been calling me out and talking crap for months (Right, all the talking has come from their side and their side alone. Hey Mikey, have you ever heard of a persecution complex?), and I would have got some real enjoyment beating them in the Octagon but two no-marks took that glory (Because the guy who actually fought Anderson Silva is a “no-mark.” Did we mention that this Bisping guy is a real asshole?)

Belcher lost every minute of every round in a fight so boring I was afraid my brain was going to melt and start to dribble out of my ears (Agreed. Worst fight we’ve seen since the main event of UFC 78). It was like someone detonated a nuclear bomb of boredom in the arena (HA!) – everyone in the seats around me was playing Angry Birds (As opposed to the British version of the game: “Crotchety Wenches”)

What delusions of grandeur Belcher has (Oh…God…the ironing…). This is a guy who didn’t fight for a year after giving himself career-threatening eye-strain by watching too much internet porn (We’re presuming Michael’s son was responsible for this gem), and he thinks he’s god’s gift to MMA (Again with the ironing). He even told UFC president Dana White that after he beat Okami, he’d fight me on January 19 if something happens to Belfort. This is a guy who got his arse kicked by two guys I smashed (Yoshihiro Akiyama and Jason Day) but he thinks he can not only beat me on a couple weeks’ training, but also assumed he was getting passed Okami, who is not to be underestimated (You mean the “no-mark” you referred to earlier? Yeah, don’t underestimate that guy)Anyway, now we don’t have to listen to this guy anymore. Back to the undercard, sunshine!

That really leaves myself and Chris “Sick Note” Weidman, a nice humble guy who’s got plenty to be humble about, at the top of the rankings. And as Chris retired last June (Dude, he had one injury and then his house was destroyed. For fuck’s sake, Mikey.), there’s no doubt I’m the No.1 contender to Anderson Silva’s world middleweight title.

Hit me up on Twitter @bisping, as ever, Hendo gifs are welcome (Touche, you classless bastard. Touche.).

We’d really wish we could say say that just when we thought Bipsing couldn’t be any more of an asshole, he dropped that last line AND TOTALLY REDEEMED HIMSELF. But life is not that easy. Bisping still is and will always be MMA’s — and the middleweight division’s — second greatest heel, although he seems to devote way too much time to something that has yet to even earn him an unwarranted title shot yet. But hey, he seems to dial the act back to a semi-tolerable level for his blog posts, so kudos to him for that. If only we could do the same, then maybe, just maybe, we could start to see the world through his eyes…

It’s all starting to make sense now.

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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Gringo- January 8, 2013 at 6:44 am
Hating Bisping proves only one thing, you do not understand
A: Irony
B: Sarcasm

The Brit hating on here is borderline racist, which is ironic (look it up) because most Americans are of British decent.

The whole Hendo thing is a disgrace as well, he knowingly attacked an unconscious man. Which in any bodies book is a disgusting thing to do.

Pen Fifteen- January 6, 2013 at 11:56 am
You act like Bisping has been passed over for a title shot or something up to this point. Sonnen getting a shot at 205 has fuck-all to do with Michael Bisping have never beat a single contender at any weight class.
Brunkfunk- January 5, 2013 at 7:45 am
Zzzzz change the fucking record you dont like him we get it. Im starting to think your a closet fan. Twaaattttt!
mDino- January 4, 2013 at 9:44 pm
Bisping is hilarious I've always been a fan. He better get a title shot if he wins this fight. More deserving than Diaz or sonnen and ppl will tune in to watch Anderson tool him.
Mr_Misanthropy- January 4, 2013 at 1:19 pm
I hate ironing!
bitteralex- January 4, 2013 at 1:13 pm
I knew this was a danga article as soon as I read the title. I could have done without the running commentary though, just ending up sounding like a snippy jr high school girl was writing it. I'm an unabashed bisping fan an I truly believe he is one of the ufc's best heels. Diaz might be the best though an I find sonnens sctick a little too WWE. bisping embraces his natural assholeness and dammit, you just have to respect a guy like that. anyways if you could leave the commentary for the end of the article or break up the blog and commentary into blocks, I think it would read a little better.
El Guapo- January 4, 2013 at 11:48 am
Dude, Bisping, bro. Condescending much? I'd love to hear Buffer bust out a "Michaelll... The Count... of backhanded complements... BIIIISPINNNNG!"
Jon Fitch and Exciting in the same sentence- January 4, 2013 at 11:13 am
The headline of this article does not do the assholeness of Michael Bisbing justice. Calling this guy an asshole is like calling the beach's just doesn't even come close to describing the sheer volume. Given the choice between Josh Koscheck having Cyborg's gnarliest period and Michael Bisbing on Christmas morning I would choose Kos-Flo 101 out of 100 times.
ArmFarmer- January 4, 2013 at 10:57 am
What an ass hat. At least we can all take comfort in the fact that within the span of 1-2 fights we will be treated to at least 1 more highlight of him getting knocked unconscious in devastating and humiliating fashion. Whether he's brutalized by belfort or clown ko'd by silva, the fans are guaranteed victory in the near future.
Hutch- January 4, 2013 at 10:25 am
As usual that gif brightens up my day.
Alan K- January 4, 2013 at 9:22 am
I'll just assume "ironing" instead of "irony" was a Simpsons joke.
J.Jones- January 4, 2013 at 9:28 am
J.Jones- January 4, 2013 at 9:03 am
BTW, I'm aware that Denis Leary's song is about how great it is to be an American, but you get my point.