(Only one thing could make "The Dean of Mean" smile like that: ice cream sandwich.)

Need some money and don’t want to go through the tedious motions of acquiring it through work?  Man, I sympathize.  That’s why I’m moving to an internet gambling-based personal financial model.  Yes, literally every piece of financial advice I read strongly suggests I not do this, but if those people know so much why are they still working as financial advice writers instead of living it up in limos with a bunch of Armenian strippers?  Riddle me that, suckas.

Betting lines come to us via BestFightOdds.com, as usual.

Quinton Jackson (-281) vs. Keith Jardine (+261)
Gabriel Gonzaga (-160) vs. Shane Carwin (+150)
Matt Hamill (-160) vs. Mark Munoz (+150)
Pete Sell (-131) vs. Matt Brown (+121)
Gray Maynard (-160) vs. Jim Miller (+155)
Tamdan McCrory (-290) vs. Ryan Madigan (+275)
Kendall Grove (-160) vs. Jason Day (+165)
Tim Boetsch (-130) vs. Jason Brilz (+130)
Brandon Vera (-500) vs. Mike Patt (+450)
Aaron Riley (-205) vs. Shane Nelson (+190)

Thoughts…

– Keith Jardine is so very tempting at +261, but before you jump on that one you should be honest with yourself about why you like such a heavy underdog.  It isn’t because of his fighting ability so much as his track record for winning fights he’s supposed to lose.  Not that we should let history be our guide, but come on.  What about this style match-up makes you think Jardine is a smart bet?  You’re just betting on vague, perceived trends, and that’s a great way to lose money.

– Shane Carwin, now there’s an underdog I can get behind.  He’s bigger, stronger, and probably more athletic than Gonzaga.  He just isn’t as experienced in the big fights.  No matter, at +150 he is definitely worth the risk.  The guy is a freakish athlete and I just don’t see how Gonzaga beats him.  Put me down for fifty bucks on Big Shane.

– The other decent underdog on this card is Jason Day.  He’s not spectacular in any way, but neither is Kendall Grove.  That guy has consistently underperformed since barely winning that decision over Ed Herman in the TUF Finale.  Maybe he’s suddenly gotten it together but even his win over the late Evan Tanner wasn’t all that impressive-looking.  I’ll put twenty on Day and then I’ll proceed to make a bunch of really bad puns based on his name (“Pay” Day, and so forth, you get the picture).

- Absolutely Don’t Bet Against: Brandon Vera.  He loses this and not only is he ousted from the UFC, he’s a cautionary tale about too much money and early success.  Agents and promoters will be talking about Brandon Vera the way NFL scouts talk about Ryan Leaf.  He knows it too.  This is a must-win in every sense, and he’s going to pull it together with a TKO win.

- Official Cage Potato Parlay: Carwin + Hamill + McCrory + Vera.  As much as I like Matt Brown and Jim Miller’s chances as well, I just can’t pull the trigger and risk screwing up my parlay.