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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 96


(Only one thing could make "The Dean of Mean" smile like that: ice cream sandwich.)

Need some money and don’t want to go through the tedious motions of acquiring it through work?  Man, I sympathize.  That’s why I’m moving to an internet gambling-based personal financial model.  Yes, literally every piece of financial advice I read strongly suggests I not do this, but if those people know so much why are they still working as financial advice writers instead of living it up in limos with a bunch of Armenian strippers?  Riddle me that, suckas.

Betting lines come to us via BestFightOdds.com, as usual.

Quinton Jackson (-281) vs. Keith Jardine (+261)
Gabriel Gonzaga (-160) vs. Shane Carwin (+150)
Matt Hamill (-160) vs. Mark Munoz (+150)
Pete Sell (-131) vs. Matt Brown (+121)
Gray Maynard (-160) vs. Jim Miller (+155)
Tamdan McCrory (-290) vs. Ryan Madigan (+275)
Kendall Grove (-160) vs. Jason Day (+165)
Tim Boetsch (-130) vs. Jason Brilz (+130)
Brandon Vera (-500) vs. Mike Patt (+450)
Aaron Riley (-205) vs. Shane Nelson (+190)

Thoughts…



– Keith Jardine is so very tempting at +261, but before you jump on that one you should be honest with yourself about why you like such a heavy underdog.  It isn’t because of his fighting ability so much as his track record for winning fights he’s supposed to lose.  Not that we should let history be our guide, but come on.  What about this style match-up makes you think Jardine is a smart bet?  You’re just betting on vague, perceived trends, and that’s a great way to lose money.

– Shane Carwin, now there’s an underdog I can get behind.  He’s bigger, stronger, and probably more athletic than Gonzaga.  He just isn’t as experienced in the big fights.  No matter, at +150 he is definitely worth the risk.  The guy is a freakish athlete and I just don’t see how Gonzaga beats him.  Put me down for fifty bucks on Big Shane.

– The other decent underdog on this card is Jason Day.  He’s not spectacular in any way, but neither is Kendall Grove.  That guy has consistently underperformed since barely winning that decision over Ed Herman in the TUF Finale.  Maybe he’s suddenly gotten it together but even his win over the late Evan Tanner wasn’t all that impressive-looking.  I’ll put twenty on Day and then I’ll proceed to make a bunch of really bad puns based on his name (“Pay” Day, and so forth, you get the picture).

- Absolutely Don’t Bet Against: Brandon Vera.  He loses this and not only is he ousted from the UFC, he’s a cautionary tale about too much money and early success.  Agents and promoters will be talking about Brandon Vera the way NFL scouts talk about Ryan Leaf.  He knows it too.  This is a must-win in every sense, and he’s going to pull it together with a TKO win.

- Official Cage Potato Parlay: Carwin + Hamill + McCrory + Vera.  As much as I like Matt Brown and Jim Miller’s chances as well, I just can’t pull the trigger and risk screwing up my parlay.

Cagepotato Comments

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Pistonas- March 6, 2009 at 9:56 am
Your potaato wiki says ". He is the current UFC light heavyweight champion. " of rampage Jackson. That's not right. not right at all! OMG! Put it together potato! I'm losing it!

i hope the Techno Viking mixes things up! Pistonas hails you all from up north!
Terrakilla- March 6, 2009 at 7:27 am
Big fan of the Dean but not liking the cheerleader shirt he is wearing.
Terrakilla- March 6, 2009 at 6:45 am
I would have to bet on Carwin and Brown. I cannot even believe that they are the underdogs.
Bas Rutten- March 6, 2009 at 4:39 am
Brock Lesnar vs Frank Mir

Also shane said recently that he fights at 255 pounds because he believes he is faster.

umm
wrestler > bbjj.
yes..
black belt myself, nothing like a strong wrestler to rape me.
its terrible.
but im liking the big wrestlers coming in, puttin BJJ away and demanding thicker submissioners to step in.
shane will avoid ssubmission simply by muscle.
btw
he'lll walk in around 300
Bas Rutten- March 6, 2009 at 4:36 am
I think its going to be a night of upsets, Jardine via leg kicks, Jim Miller via submission, Jason Day via Kendall Grove sucking, Ryan Madigan via his nice kicks(one to the dome), and last but not least Mark Munoz via Matt Hamil being to nice.

Jardine will win.

Do you guys remember forrest vs rampage? Forrest took his legs out from underneath him.

Do you guys remember Jardine vs forrest? Jardine out kickboxed him... RAMPAGE DOES NOT CHECK LEG KICKS, he is dumb and I do not believe he has changed since his loss.

As of late rampage has been banking way to much on his right hand and if Jardine keeps circling away from that punch he wins this one.
Dakyn- March 6, 2009 at 2:36 am
I've got Gonzaga beating Carwin so I'd say you've already fucked up your parlay
HillBilly- March 5, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Bet on Vera if you want. Sometimes the truth hurts I guess.
PotatoHead- March 5, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I pray that Jardine is to Jackson... what the LAPD was to Rodney King.

Dad-gummit, I detest that unrepentent, howling, unborn baby killer.
UFC fan- March 5, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I have to call Matt Brown as my 1 and only upset money maker.
Everything else I gotta go with the odds
Anonymous- March 5, 2009 at 7:48 pm
rampage vs jardine is gonna go just like wanderlei vs jardine.
Dude with a gambling problem- March 5, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Parlay Rampage+Carwin+Sell+Vera+Miller+McCrory...bet the house on that shit...then I'll walk my broke ass across the border to do it again at UFC 97. Thank god houses are cheap as shit right now...
Anonymous- March 5, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Sorry guys, you messed up with the Carwin pick. You'l just have to wait and see how much bigger Gonzaga is now that they've got him on that 'diet'.
PurplePickle- March 5, 2009 at 7:09 pm
I seriously, seriously, see this fight over in less than one minute with Jardine having another seizure due to a clean left hook. But I am very nervous about betting against Jardine when he knows damn well he is the underdog, that is typically when he fights his best. Good thing I only place gentlemen's bets. (that means gay hand relief)
The can- March 5, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I think Jardine can pull the win off if he fights smart like in the chuck fight.
TUF Guy- March 5, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Who has Carwin beat again?

Put the same guys against Gonzaga, and he'd be ending fights in the first round too.
Truepotato- March 5, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Jardine, his training with the Greg Jackson camp is gonna make the difference in this one. It's all about technique and i just don't see it in Rampage...
PurplePickle- March 5, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Either Rampage gets inside and KOs Jardine with a nasty hook 38 seconds into rd 1, or Jardine plays him similar to his Liddell fight and peppers those legs with hard kicks and take a decision. Now thats how you ride a fence, Muthafuckas!!!
TheRandomKnowledgableGuy- March 5, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I dont know why everyone is jumpin the carwin boat... that nigga is going to get handled by Napao
Hexed79- March 5, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Forrest beating Rampage was, at bare minimum, a very close decision.

Worst case, Forrest was given a generous gift by the judges.

Don't get me wrong, they made the right call, but Jardine? Honestly?

Rampage by BAMF in the 1st.
BUcKWiLd- March 5, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I think carwin will win via peck smack in da kissa!
VegasMMAfan- March 5, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I'm putting $$$ on Carwin and Jardine.
mexican arm bar - March 5, 2009 at 2:04 pm
if forrest can beat jackson u gotta give jardine a chance in this fight. and u guys need to get off carwins nuts . if he wins this fight we all know he is for real. sure he is undefeated but he hasn't fought a top heavyweight til this fight.
FABER'S A BEAST- March 5, 2009 at 1:55 pm
"I think its hilarious people think jardine actually has a chance against rampage. After quintons done, JARDINES GONNA BE WALKING FUNNY."

Rampage by sodomy
Anonymous- March 5, 2009 at 1:38 pm
yes really a good wrestler with a solid base, is UNBEATABLE.
if they know how to use it.
like gsp vs. penn 1.
unable to submit. easy peezy. its fact.
head + chest = win
good posture = win. its simple. kinda.
Anonymous- March 5, 2009 at 1:35 pm
not really.
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