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Gambling Addiction Enabler: Zombie vs. Poirier Edition

(I’ll show you Linsanity, you racist sonofabitch!) 

Perhaps it’s because we are truly spontaneous creatures at heart, but we are more excited for tomorrow night’s UFC on FUEL broadcast than perhaps any other free card in as long as we can remember, if only because it gives us an excuse to do something on a Tuesday night that we normally save for the weekends ie. drink, shout at the TV until our ears bleed, and gamble away the money we have yet to even earn. And since we don’t want to be the only MMA fans waiting in line at the soup kitchen come next week, we figured we’d drag you all down with us. Because, honestly, it’s neither as easy or as fun to start a soup fight with the homeless by yourself. Anyway, check out the betting lines below, courtesy of BestFightOdds, and join us after the jump for our more-or-less comprehensible advice.

Chan Sung Jung (+270) vs. Dustin Poirier (-330)
Amir Sadollah (-185) vs. Jorge Lopez (+160)
Donald Cerrone (-255) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+215)
Yves Jabouin (-235) vs. Jeff Hougland (+195)
Igor Pokrajac (+145) vs. Fabio Maldonado (-165)
Jason MacDonald (+200) vs. Tom Lawlor (-240)

PRELIMINARY CARD (, 5:30 p.m. ET / 2:30 p.m. PT)
Cody McKenzie (-105) vs. Marcus LeVesseur (-115)
Brad Tavares (-175) vs. Dongi Yang (+155)
T.J. Grant (-400) vs. Carlo Prater (+325)
Rafael Dos Anjos (-280) vs. Kamal Shalorus (+240)
Jeff Curran (-135) vs. Johnny Eduardo (+115)
Alex Soto (+200) vs. Francisco Rivera (-240)


The Main Event: Don’t let your love for all things zombie apocalypse fool you; come tomorrow night, Dustin Poirier will become the clear cut number one contender at 145, whatever that means. Although he and Chan Sung Jung are incredibly similar on paper, in that they are both well versed in submissions yet prefer to stand and trade, Poirier hasn’t even so much as wobbled in his Zuffa career aside from his loss to Danny Castillo nearly two years ago. And not to take anything away from Jung, but his two most recent victories, though impressive, have come over a guy who would be on a five fight losing streak if not for the general incompetence of MMA and another guy who has fallen from number one contender to undercard fodder in just under a year. Poirier is bigger, stronger, and packs the mix of power and aggression that will not let up until Jung is flat on his back. Granted, we also said Hominick would steamroll Jung, only to made fools of shortly thereafter, so perhaps we should stop counting “The Korean Zombie” out. Starting….next time.

The Good Dogs: Sheesh, the betting lines on this card make us yearn for the days of PRIDE freak shows ala Cro Cop vs. Dos Caras Jr, where big risk at least gave us the outside hope of reaping a big reward. Looking over the main card, the only underdog bet that stands out has got to be Jason MacDonald. Though he’s never been one for consistency, and is coming off a submission to strikes loss at the hands of Alan Belcher, the fact that he’s trying to earn a retirement fight at UFC 149 in Canada has to mean something in terms of an X-factor, right? I mean, the man he is fighting came to the weigh-ins dressed as another fighter dressed as a guitar player for Christ’s sake. No self respecting man wants to get his ass kicked by the class clown on his way out the door.

You may be wondering why we’ve kind of brushed off Donald Cerrone vs. Jeremy Stephens, but the fact that Stephens has lost to every single upper echelon fighter he has faced should let you know how we feel about the outcome of that one. We love you, Lil’ Heathen, but we also believe that history tends to repeat itself.

The Easy Bet: Fabio Maldonado. The dude is an absolute beast who will walk through Pokrajac’s punches with a smile on his face, as is his M.O., before delivering a beautiful body shot KO that voids “The Duke’s” bowels upon impact.

Official CagePotato parlay: Poirier + Cerrone + Maldonado + Curran

Suggested stake for a $50 wager 
$20 on the parlay
$10 on MacDonald
$5 on McKenzie to keep shit real
$15 on a 12-pack of Bud Light Platinum to make sure it stays that way

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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linzhancb- May 16, 2012 at 7:24 am …….
zombielogic- May 15, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Zombie Jung is unstoppable
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linzhancb- May 15, 2012 at 2:03 pm .. . ..
El Guapo- May 14, 2012 at 10:23 pm
Get to work? Oh I'll get to work alright. Work on my parlay, nawsayin.
El Guapo- May 14, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Please tell me they're showing the prelims on Facebook. Ain't nothing like watching the UFC at work..
tp24890- May 14, 2012 at 7:17 pm
An asian brother cant get no love?! Jung will get the W. Hope he shits all over your parlay.
Get Off Me- May 14, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Cerrone has basically lost every one of his "upper echelon" fights as well. I would rather lay my money on the guy giving me double my money vs 30 cents on the dollar...Did you not learn anything from the Ferguson and Palhares lines last week?
Redmoose- May 14, 2012 at 5:45 pm
worst g.a.e since ufc 116
x310gtsx- May 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm
best photo caption in a while....