MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Gather Your Torches and Pitchforks: Wrestling Dropped as an Olympic Sport in 2020 Games


(Jordan Burroughs defeats Sadegh Saeed Goudarzi of Iran to become the 2012 Olympic champion at 74 kilos.)

In an utterly baffling move, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has decided to drop the sport of wrestling, a.k.a the reason the Olympics even exist, as of the 2020 games. The Associated Press reports:

The IOC program commission report analyzed more than three dozen criteria, including television ratings, ticket sales, anti-doping policy and global participation and popularity. With no official rankings or recommendations contained in the report, the final decision by the 15-member board was also subject to political, emotional and sentimental factors. 

The IOC, however, did decide in its infinite wisdom to keep the modern pentathlon, a sport which combines pistol shooting, fencing, riding a horse and some other crap. Forgive my facetiousness, but I fail to see how a sport that managed to bring in athletes from just 26 different countries last year has somehow been deemed more important than one that brought in athletes from 71. And oh yeah, golf will be added as an Olympic sport in 2016.

Yup. Golf.

So let’s get this straight – TV ratings, ticket sales and global participation are determining factors in what sports to keep, yet the so-called “modern” pentathlon is in. Where, you may ask, did the idea to create a sport where shooting, fencing, horse riding, swimming and running are put together come from? The AP has the simple answer.

In addition to being wildly popular the world over, these are

“the five skills required of a 19th century cavalry officer.”

Timely.

We’re assuming that the “political, emotional and sentimental factors” alluded to by the AP report could not possibly include bribery in the form of cash, trips and favors from interest groups to IOC members because they’ve never been involved in that sort of thing. Oh wait, my mistake. The IOC takes bribes all the time.

We guess wrestling officials should have offered the IOC something a little more exclusive than an all expenses paid trip to Sandals Jamaica.

Wrestling will now join sports like wake boarding and squash in vying for a single spot in the 2020 Olympics. That’s like telling the founder, owner and CEO of a company to reapply for his or her own job. You know, if they had been at that job for a couple thousand years.

If this decision sticks, MMA will truly turn into the only place for high-level wrestlers to go after devoting their lives to learning it (well, other than this noise). One can only imagine the negative effects wrestling’s absence in the Olympic Games will have on the college programs that are already beleaguered and diminishing.

All that remains to be seen. What this writer does know is that he won’t be tuning in to watch any of the games during the summer of 2020 given this indefensible decision. I don’t care how cute the (of age) gymnasts are. That’s what GIFs are for, anyway.

- Elias Cepeda

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closewq- February 13, 2013 at 12:27 pm
Daniel. true that Esther`s storry is surprising... on tuesday I got a great Smart ForTwo since getting a check for $5857 this last 5 weeks and a little over ten grand this past-month. this is actually the nicest work I have ever had. I actually started 9-months ago and straight away started to bring in over $73.. per-hour. I follow the details here,
jump30.?om
KungfuJaysus- February 13, 2013 at 6:44 am
Fucking stupid.
noizy- February 12, 2013 at 8:40 pm
OMG. I'm so relived dressage didn't get cut. What a relief.
Japanadian- February 12, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Jumping on a trampoline (kids toy) and Horse ballet are olympic events.
Does it even matter anymore how much they ruin the olympics
whatchawhozeit- February 12, 2013 at 3:17 pm
I hope every member of the IOC chokes to death on hippo nuts!
Mr_Misanthropy- February 12, 2013 at 12:37 pm
What's next? Olympic flashmobbing? We live in the future and the future sucks.
El Guapo- February 12, 2013 at 12:23 pm
He survived getting shot in the stomach by an arrow, getting stranded in the wilderness, falling into a frozen lake, crashing a plane, wrestling a Russian legend AND a season of Biggest Loser... and this is what killed Rulond Gardner. Fuck the IOC.
mtnthc- February 12, 2013 at 12:18 pm
The IOC announced today the binge eating will replace wrestling in the 2020 Summer Games. In a statement the IOC said, "Global we are turning into a bunch of fat lazy fucks, real sports are just out of the question (we might break a sweat afterall). Binge eating is a great replacement since so many of the world people are a bunch of lard asses."
Rear Naked Poke- February 12, 2013 at 12:10 pm
So MMA is going to be an Olympic sport now??
MorningwoodII- February 12, 2013 at 11:41 am
not having wrestling in the Olympics any more is like not having Randy Couture at UFC events anymore.
Deadpanda- February 12, 2013 at 10:58 am
Well, I think there's only one way to say this: shitcockasstesticalcancerfuck I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
Kid Clam Curtains- February 12, 2013 at 10:16 am
Whoa, golf is being added? Awesome.
El Famous Burrito- February 12, 2013 at 10:25 am
*throws tomato*
RwilsonR- February 12, 2013 at 10:12 am
These are the same fuckholes that concentrate more on horrible 4 hour long, $100 million+ opening ceremonies rather than the sports themselves. This is what happens when you let the French sit on any committee deciding anything.
SumDumGuy- February 12, 2013 at 10:04 am
This isn't even like the fifth thing on the IOC asshattery list...
El Famous Burrito- February 12, 2013 at 10:01 am
What the FUCK? Fuck you, IOC. And fuck your horse-dancing, car antenna-poking, gay-ass snow sports, ballerina-wannabe 30-year-old Chinese midgets, Goddamn water polo, shuttlecockery, yacht club, and bouncy fun castle BULLSHIT. The only Olympic sports should be the ones where you fight each other, race each other or throw heavy shit.
HomeSchooled- February 12, 2013 at 10:01 am
they kept horse riding what da fuck
SethF- February 12, 2013 at 9:58 am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't wrestling/pankration the reason the Olympics are a thing in the first place?

BRING BACK PANKRATION 2020!
danomite- February 12, 2013 at 9:57 am
maybe if wrestling got as much airtime as horse dancing did at last year's olympics their ratings might be a little better.
Clyde- February 12, 2013 at 9:45 am
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE
ReX13- February 12, 2013 at 9:38 am
(not just in the tags)
Fried Taco- February 12, 2013 at 9:37 am
Yep, starting a boycott the Olympics movement already. What a bunch of asshats.
ReX13- February 12, 2013 at 9:37 am
This article needs more outrage.
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