(The first self-induced double KO since Hamill vs. Munoz, everybody. Gif courtesy of @ZProphet_MMA.)
While attending a charity boxing event yesterday — the cleverly dubbed “Haymakers for Hope” — my roommate and I got into a discussion about what ethnic and geographic backgrounds could be combined to make the “perfect” boxer, or MMA fighter for that matter. It was basically a hypothetical game of Racist Transformers, but is it really racist if it’s both hypothetical and rooted in positive stereotypes? I digress.
In any case, we both agreed that a Russian component would have to be in the mix somehow. While my roommate argued that a Russian-born Irishman raised in Brazil would make for a true “Ultimate Fighter” (which, considering what the average trip to the gas station can be like down there, is a sound choice), I believed a Brazilian-born Samoan raised in the desolate, hopeless tundras of Mother Russia would surely become the undefeatable killing machine prophesied in the before times. “All Russians know is despair,” I said. “And that makes them stronger.”
Last night’s ProFC 50 bout between Boris Miroshnichenko and Herman Yakubov both confirmed and denied my suspicions about the Russian people. While Yakubov, a Russian, was KO’d in the first round by his Belarusian counterpart, he also made sure to knock himself out again with his own knee on the way down, lawn chair style, and a third time when his head hit the canvas — as if to say, “Although you have damaged me, comrade, know that your damage holds not a candle to those wrought by my own devices. For what is life but the prolonging of inevitable death? And what is death, if not a face at peace…”