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GIF-Ranking the ‘UFC 168: Weidman vs. Silva II’ Main Card Fights By Interest Level


(Gif of the Year? Gif of the Year.)

You know what the craziest thing about the UFC 168 pay-per-view price hike is? I’m actually going to pay it. That’s how badly I want to Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman II, because as amazing a troll as Chael Sonnen was, he never came close to a burning ol’ Andy as bad as Weidman just did in the above gif. There’s just something magical about those two, and the power of the gif for that matter, so we figured, “Why not combine them both into an article?”

Back by popular(ish) demand, it’s time for some GIF-ranking: UFC 168 main card style.

#5 – Jim Miller vs. Fabricio Camoes 

No offense to Fabricio Camoes, but who the fuck is Fabricio Camoes and why is he fighting on the biggest main card of the year? Jim Miller may always bring it (and should finish the Brazilian inside three rounds if the bookies are to be believed), but this is a “Fight Night” main card matchup at best. Ranking:

 

#4 – Dustin Poirier vs. Diego Brandao 

Now this is what I’m talking about — an intriguing matchup between two exciting featherweights with solid hands and sound submission games. Poirier looked great in his unanimous decision victory over Erik Koch at UFC 164, and Brandao once entered into a staring contest with a Largemouth bass and won, so this fight should be a real banger.

…what’s that, you say it was Bill Brasky who won the aforementioned staring contest? Well whatever the case, Brandao is a beast who will be riding a three fight UFC win streak (4-1 overall) into this weekend and looking to set himself up with a top 5 opponent. Let’s just hope his questionable cardio holds up against a guy like Poirier, who has shown that he can at least make it into the fourth round in his 2012 Fight of the Year with Chan Sung Jung. Ranking:

 

#3 – Ronda Rousey vs. Miesha Tate II

Call me crazy, but aside from proving herself to be the more laid back fighter of the two, Miesha Tate did not do a thing on TUF 18 that led me to believe she stands any better of a chance against Rousey the second time around. Tate looks to be in the best shape of her life, sure, but have you even seen Ronda Rousey (or deez odds) lately? The champ’s got a look in her eyes that would give Dr. Sam Loomis a stress-induced seizure for Christ’s sake. Combine that with her infinitely superior grappling prowess and ever-improving striking and you’ve got yourself a classic mismatch, Taters.

I would rank this rematch higher on the outside possibility that Rousey physically dismembers Tate in the octagon or beats her into retirement, but as long as Steve Mazzagatti isn’t the assigned ref, we’re likely in for another first round armbar for Rousey (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And maybe some blood-licking. Then Rousey can hopefully move onto the *actual* #1 contender she was supposed to fight in the first place. Ranking:

 

# 2 – Josh Barnett vs. Travis Browne 

Without using too much hyperbole, it’s safe to say that you’d have to be in a persistent vegetative state to not be excited for this fight. It’s a battle between two of the most exciting heavyweights out there today, and a matchup that is all but guaranteed to end inside the distance and/or feature Josh Barnett saying something psychotic on the microphone.

After finally making his return to the UFC in August, Barnett made quick work of Frank Mir at UFC 164, KO’ing the former champ with a beautifully placed knee to the cranium in just under two minutes. Browne, on the other hand, is fresh off a come-from-behind KO via front kick of Alistair Overeem at Fight Night: Shogun vs. Sonnen in just over four minutes. While some are predicting that Barnett will look for the takedown early and often, I think these two are going to Rock ‘Em-Sock ‘Em until one of them tips over midway through the second. “The Warmaster” doesn’t seem to think the fight will last long either, and I’m not prepared to call this man a liar. Ranking:

 

#1 – Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman II

Oh, like it was going to be something else? WHAT KIND OF TROLL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!

On the real though, Chris Weidman is going to officially end the Anderson Silva era tomorrow night. There, I said it. He will make good on Ray Longo’s promise to “punch a fucking hole” in Silva’s chest, and he will silence the cries of “fluke” once and for all. Unfortunately, his legendary victory will come at the cost of his mentor, as Matt Serra will choke to death on a chilidog ringside while shouting him advice/making fun of Longo’s hair. His last word will be “Fahgeddah.” Silva will then announce his retirement from MMA, destroy Roy Jones Jr. in a boxing match in Brazil, and reemerge in 2024 as the world’s preeminent R&B lip-syncher. These are facts. Ranking:

I don’t know what is happening in this gif, but it makes me sad.

-J. Jones

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