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Here Comes the Here Comes the Boom Review

By Jim Genia

It is physically impossible to walk into a Kevin James flick with high dramatic expectations. I mean, come on, this is the man who brought us such cinematic classics as Zookeeper, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. If you bought a ticket to anything starring the actor and thought you were getting a shoe-in for this year’s Academy Award for Best Picture, you deserve to have your mullet set on fire. That said, James — who’s long been a supporter of the UFC, and whose presence at Octagonside has been frequent and well-documented by Zuffa cameraman desperate for an eight-second cutaway shot of something even just moderately noteworthy — stars in Here Comes the Boom, a UFC-centric comedy that opens today. How is it? Well, it’s no Gone with the Wind, but it’ll do.

The premise is simple, and something we’ve seen a million times before: an apathetic dude starts to give a crap about something noble, and goes through hell to do some good for that thing he previously did not give a crap about. James is, of course, the apathetic dude, a high school biology teacher named “Scott Voss” from Boston, MA, who puts about zero effort into teaching and too much effort into trying to land a date with the school nurse (Salma Hayek, cleavage-alicious as usual). But when budget woes spell impending doom for the music teacher’s job (played by a schlubby Henry Winkler — remember the Fonz? Yeah, he’s dead now.), it’s time for Voss to step up and do something drastic to plug up the school’s fiscal hole. And hey, what better way to earn cash then to become a UFC fighter?

Thankfully, there are the requisite laughs, and plenty of inside jokes and nods to MMA’s legion of fans. Bas Rutten — who plays a Dutchman named “Niko” and essentially acts like Bas Rutten – assumes the role of coach, a job he juggles while studying to become a citizen and working as a yoga/streetfight-aerobics/disco spinning class instructor. Mark DellaGrotte (playing himself) steps up as Voss’ Muay Thai trainer, and hijinks ensue there. Since Voss is a nobody in the sport, he has to start at the bottom and work his way up the minor league ladder, and along the way he fights a number of familiar faces (including Jason “Mayhem” Miller, who’s named “Lucky Patrick” but essentially acts like Jason “Mayhem” Miller), culminating in an Octagon face-off with Krzystof Soszynski (who’s named “Ken Dietrich”, but who essentially acts like someone who’s good at fighting).

What sets Here Comes the Boom apart from MMA-heavy flicks that have come before it is how big a role the UFC apparatus plays. Remember how Top Gun starred Tom Cruise AND the US Navy? Here Comes the Boom very clearly stars Kevin James AND the UFC. Joe Rogan is in it as himself, Mike Goldberg is in it as himself, “Stitch” is in it, Bruce Buffer is in it…if a filmmaker got in bed with the UFC any more than this, Dana White would have to take a pregnancy test afterwards. And really, this symbiosis isn’t so much a bad thing. In fact, to an MMA fan, it perhaps adds to the appeal.

Yes, there’s enough cheese in the flick to make Mickey Mouse vomit, especially whenever the beleaguered music students are on screen. But James does a bang-up job in terms of hitting the necessary comedic notes (and Rutten does wonderfully hitting his), and the action — though staged — isn’t wholly unappealing. I daresay it’s even realistic.

Bottom line: is Here Comes the Boom worth your time? Yeah, it is, especially if you go in expecting a Kevin James comedy. If you go in expecting more…Dude, we can’t be friends anymore.

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SnakeJake- October 13, 2012 at 7:11 am
I'd rather watch 'Here Comes the Boo Boo'.
itsgalf- October 12, 2012 at 9:26 pm
Salma Hayek's breasts are amazing.

I enjoyed the movie, because it's just a basic Kevin James comedy that pays tribute to MMA. There's some slap-stick humor which I didn't care too much for, but otherwise some decent light humor.

I didn't even think Lucky Patrick's name was indicated in the film. He says maybe 2 words. Also the quick Chael Sonnen tapping reference brought a quick grin.
Fried Taco- October 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm
I go in expecting to see Salma's beautiful, gorgeous, bare breasts. So I know I'll be disappoint in this film. Frida is the all-time best movie ever made!! Only she could make a uni-brow sexy!!
Mr_Misanthropy- October 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I'm just here for the fart jokes.
FilmDrunk- October 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Aw, christ, you too, Cage Potato? I hope this was just an attempt to get back in DW's good graces. The old "did you NOT go in expecting a Kevin James comedy??" doesn't really excuse it for not being funny at all, or for The Fonz singing a POD song on an acoustic guitar in an airport. This movie was a big piece of a shit. An expected piece of shit, but a piece of shit nonetheless. One big reach inside the focus-group grab bag that Dana White wanting to be more mainstream doesn't excuse.
J-Dog- October 12, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Okay, so how big is Jason Miller's part in the movie? How much screen time would you say he has? How many lines? I am betting not enough to even go around promoting a movie. If I was waiter #3 in a movie I don't think I'd be walking around in character refusing to answer questions without asking what they want to drink and eat.
Mr_Misanthropy- October 12, 2012 at 1:41 pm
There's a smell in the air....Is it flatus?
Just a touch!
And it maaakes me think of yyyyoooooouuuuuu
Pleasantly-surprised- October 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Obviously the 3 clueless posters below has NOT seen the movie at all...the movies is actually well-made, entertaining, even inspiring...great family movie and actually exceeds one's expectations--HIGHLY recommended for ALL ages!
Kid Clam Curtains- October 12, 2012 at 1:16 pm
I've seen trailers for this turd that have almost zero mma scenes at all so you can see what audience they are going after. Its just this ambiguous supercut of Paul Blart: Zookeeper doing whacky shit like breaking windows, falling down, getting his shoulder set, etc. Fuck this movie in the ass with a big rubber dick. *GUY GETS HIT WITH WORKOUT BALL LOL*
EarthIsGay- October 12, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Paul Blart: Mixed Martial Farts
Dog Dicks Magoo- October 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I just farted so loud.
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