When I woke up this morning, Lafayette was beginning to take on water, a two hundred pound athlete was destroying fools in sumo wrestling, and Tim Sylvia vs. Andrei Arlovski was the most relevant fight taking place this weekend. Wait…this guy? And this guy? The most relevant fight of the weekend?! Naturally, the first thing I did was check my calendar to make sure I didn’t somehow travel back in time to 2005- as most of you did after reading that last sentence, I’m sure. Upon realizing that yes, it is in fact 2012, I said “Fuck it,” ate a gallon of ice cream for breakfast, and went back to sleep. If the rest of the universe just doesn’t care anymore, then neither do I.
Since it’s all we have to look forward to this weekend, we might as well at least try to get excited about the relatively meaningless nostalgia fight with this video of Andrei Arlovski’s open workout for the local Philippine press. Arlovski introduces himself with an enthusiastic “How’s taste my pee pee?” as he does some light drilling with Travis Browne (yes, that Travis Browne). After some basic drills, Andrei Arlovski answers some questions for the local media. The Pitbull, bless his heart, avoids an uncomfortable rape reference by saying he’s going to “play proctologist” and stick his hand up Tim Sylvia’s ass during the fight – not in a sexual way, but in an “I am beating the shit out of you and want to make this as humiliating as possible” way. He then tells the media that he plans on knocking out Tim Sylvia during the fight, a strategy we’ve seen backfire on him before. Before the clip ends, he brings things up to 2007 by shouting ”THIS IS SPARTA!” while everyone laughs.
If forced movie references are your thing, The Great White Hype may have come to mind while watching that clip. We’ve got a challenger who is taking this fight seriously and a champion (using the word as loosly as possible; suck it Powerhouse World Promotions) who is probably chasing ice cream trucks somewhere. If my forced pop culture reference is accurate, Arlovski will land exactly one punch before getting demolished by a pregnant looking Tim Sylvia, Travis Browne will storm the cage looking to fight The Maine-iac, and Greg Jackson will advise them not to give away a pay-per-view quality fight for free, thus earning Tim Sylvia one last bout in the UFC.
By the way, if you’re looking to take a trip down memory lane, check out the rest of the ONE FC fight card. Aside from the above match, we’ve got Jens Pulver returning to action against Eric Kelly, Phil Baroni squaring off against Rodrigo Ribeiro and Rolles Gracie pitted against Tony Bonello. We also have fights with Bibiano Fernandes and Felipe Enomoto to look forward to, if watching the old guys fight isn’t really your thing.
So tell us, are you excited for this weekend’s fights? Does Andrei Arlovski have a good shot at breaking even against Tim Sylvia? Or will you give up and just watch college football this weekend? Let us know what you think.