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Holy Sh*t, Tito Ortiz’s New Training Compound is Off the Chain, Yo [VIDEO]


(Rule #1 Tito: ALWAYS check for an Adam’s apple before you make your move.) 

When we first heard that former UFC lightweight champion Tito Ortiz had purchased Oscar De La Hoya’s training compound, with only one fight left in his career, mind you, we just wrote it off as the kind of business decision that got him fired by Donald Trump. But if you know anything about “The People’s Champ,” you know that the guy more than makes up for his interview skills with business savvy. We may not be sure of the exact figure Tito dropped on this Big Bear Lake-side abode, but you only need to catch a glimpse of the place to realize it was worth it.

Fair warning: the euphoric feeling you will receive as the incredibly gorgeous, CagePotato-loving Corissa Furr leads you around this rustic villa on the latest episode of Ultimate Insider will immediately be followed by the crushing realization that you will NEVER live in a place so nice no matter how hard you try.

First off, was anyone aware that Ortiz and Jenna Jameson were back together? The last we remember, these two were going at it on Twitter like a pair of attention-whoring celebutants. Secondly, what in holy Hell has happened to Jenna Jameson’s face? It looks like some Tijuana back alley surgeon stretched a piece of bologna over Gwyneth Paltrow’s elbow for Christ’s sake. That is not the same woman that captured America’s penises hearts with her acting talents just under a decade ago.

As if the house wasn’t enough to make you turn green with envy, one look at Ortiz’s car collection might just make you curse the heavens above for giving you the body structure and fighting ability of a thirteen year old girl. Not that we could relate, because the CP staff is built like the O’Doyle family and treats the rest of the MMA world as such. But anyway, a Rolls Royce Phantom, which Ortiz describes as “like a house on wheels, literally, that’s how much it cost” and 2012 Porsche rest outside his training facility, along with a few vehicles Ortiz probably didn’t have the time to talk about — apparently he isn’t aware that bitches really give it up for a Ford Fiesta covered in Spice Girls stickers from the previous owner.

Around the three minute mark you will find that *spoiler* De La Hoya actually built two houses on the grounds, the second of which contains yet another billiards table, a monster-sized jacuzzi, and a double staircase straight out of Scarface. All I’m saying is, if I had a place like this, not even the hundred men or more described in Toto’s “Africa” could drag me away from it. Then again, if the old hag I am currently throwing it to ever has the common decency to croak already, I may just get that opportunity.

Ortiz, on the other hand, will get the opportunity to retire Forrest Griffin from life at UFC 148, which goes down from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on July 7th.

-J. Jones

Comments

  1. Danxxx Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 03:38


    damn cant see the video on my country, well that sucks...
  2. Get Off Me Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 04:02


    Who photoshopped Jenna's face onto De La Hoya's body?
  3. cdub Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 04:10


    Dat ass!
  4. CheechFace Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 04:15


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLYDYj9tBlQ This seems to play Danxxx
  5. Fried Taco Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 04:20


    I'm not sure how together they are, I heard a lot of "my house", "my bed", "my herpes", etc.
  6. Kimbo Lesnar Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 06:11


    This is gold: "It looks like some Tijuana back alley surgeon stretched a piece of bologna over Gwyneth Paltrow’s elbow for Christ’s sake." Maybe we can be friends, Danga.
  7. Anhonestmoose Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 07:11


    He bought the place in 2007, according to the video.
  8. ReX13 Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 08:22


    yeah, i stood up and applauded.
  9. Tim Sylvia 1 P4P EVA Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 09:06


    "Help! The black hole, it's sucking me in!"
  10. UFCFightBlogger Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 09:16


    The house looks like a cool place to train and rest. Big bear is a good a place as any to put in a training camp with the high altitude. I like how Ortiz has a painting of him kicking Forrest. I wonder if Liddell has a painting of him knocking out Ortiz. Check out this article about the main event at UFC 148 http://www.ufcfightblogger.com/news/dana-white-chael-sonnen-fear-anderson-silva-aura/
  11. Mr_Misanthropy Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 09:48


    If you contract with the goetia at some point you must honor that contract with your human blood.
  12. KidDinomite Says:

    Wed, 06/20/12 - 11:20


    All this crap is why Tito doesn't win fights anymore. Just because you have the money to buy all kinds of shit you don't need doesn't mean you need to. It makes you soft. Self-imposed struggle and something to strive for is how a warrior maintains being a warrior.
  13. smellypiratehooker Says:

    Thu, 06/21/12 - 03:25


    I also found that quite fucking amusing.
  14. smellypiratehooker Says:

    Thu, 06/21/12 - 03:30


    CP ain't givin' no video love for the great white north.
  15. J. Jones Says:

    Thu, 06/21/12 - 07:05


    Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
  16. BaghdadBob Says:

    Thu, 06/21/12 - 11:51


    Looking at that hag makes me shutter.
  17. BaghdadBob Says:

    Thu, 06/21/12 - 11:51


    ...dder. fuck.
  18. Oh Great, Now Tito Ortiz Thinks the UFC Rigged His Retirement Fight at UFC 148 » Welcome to TheToothlessMMAFan.com Says:

    Wed, 04/10/13 - 10:15


    [...] from hiding to take one final dump on the promotion that made him the man he is today (and a boatload of cash to boot), throwing everyone from Joe Rogan to Dana White under the bus along the [...]
  19. jalia parsnip Says:

    Sun, 12/01/13 - 12:14


    Holy Sh*t, Tito Ortiz... So sorry you can expect to pass up the workshop!...
  20. poplar table Says:

    Mon, 07/07/14 - 08:23


    The Ships's Voyages... I think know-how just makes it even worse. Now there's a channel to in no way care, now there will not likely be a opportunity for them to discover....

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