“Back up, homie: What the hell is ‘Face Book’?”

As MMA fans, we’ve seen our fair share of “WTF” moments. From freak show fights to flashy knockouts to Jon Fitch partying like a rockstar to freaking Jose Canseco, you would think that we’ve seen it all and nothing could surprise us. Yet sometimes a story comes along that is so bizarre that even we are unable to make sense of it.    

Houston Alexander returned to the spotlight this weekend. When we last checked in on the former UFC light heavyweight, he was getting his lights turned out by ex-hockey enforcer Steve Bosse. If you thought that was as low as things could get for Alexander, then prepare to flabbergasted.

Here is the latest update on Alexander, courtesy of KMTV News Omaha, via MiddleEasy:

Police ticketed popular MMA fighter Houston Alexander for child abuse after the 39-year-old became upset with his 16-year-old and made him box with him.

Police reports say officers were called to a home near 44th and Maple for a domestic disturbance. The older Alexander told them he was having trouble with his teen son, who was “having explicit sexual contact on Facebook with some unknown females.” The 16-year-old reportedly lied and “made him very upset.”

According to police reports, “Alexander then retrieved boxing gloves and told his son, ‘If you are going to lie to me, then we are going to box.’” The two reportedly boxed in the basement. Officers describe the teen as having a “slight bloody nose and pain to his right side.”

Alexander was cited for misdemeanor [sic] child abuse.

In other words, “The Assassin” caught his son talking dirty to some lady friends on Facebook. When his son lied about it, Houston Alexander challenged him to fight on the spot. After the impromptu boxing match, police arrested Houston for child abuse.

We may be hack journalists, but even we have our limits. If there’s two things we don’t joke about at Cage Potato, it’s child abuse and surprise vans- so we’ll decline to comment on this any further. You guys in the comments section, on the other hand….