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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Houston Alexander in Interview Shocker

“The Assassin” in an interview with PunchDrunkGamer.com about his UFC 78 fight against Thiago Silva:

“It’s not like I don’t know any jiu-jitsu, because I actually do and I’m actually really good at it.”

‘Scuse me? The dude was as confused on his back as my ex-wife. But he did shed light on how he maintains his famously jacked physique:

“The day starts about 5:30 in the morning; I get to the gym about 6. We do a lot of conditioning, loosing up, simple stuff in the morning like a lot of sparring, stretching, and endurance stuff. Then after about an hour and a half of light conditioning I’ll take the kids to school. Then I go back to the gym at about 10 and work out for another hour and a half, do some light lifting, sparring, techniques, a little bit of everything…I do a lot of circuit training, a lot of dumbbells, a lot of pushups, sit-ups, general stuff. There’s no big secret, just a lot of pushups and sit-ups in different forms, a little bit of everything…I throw tires up the hills – heavy diesel tires up the hills. A lot of people will throw them in parking lots but we like to throw them up hills. The bigger tires, the tractor tires, we flip. We do a lot of sprinting too, a lot of vertical jumping, and a lot of stuff to strengthen the legs It’s actually a lot of basic stuff that anybody who’s training should be doing, besides throwing the tires, or hammering tires.”

In other words, quit your day job and don’t sleep. Live near a hill. Raid a junkyard if you have to.

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