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ICYMI: The Tito Ortiz-Stephan Bonnar Grudge Match Now Includes an Undercover Double Agent Storyline

(And this simply amazing/incoherent video.)

Things seemed to have calmed down a bit between Stephan Bonnar and Tito Ortiz following their plain cartoonish “brawl” at Bellator 123. Now less than a week out from their Grudge Match for the Ages at Bellator 131, the time for trash-talk has come and gone, thankfully, and the time to get this damn thing over with is nearly upon us. Now if only we can finish this sentence uninterrupt-

(*checks earpiece*)

What’s that? Tito’s saying what? What do you mean a spy is involved? (via Ortiz’s interview with MMAWeekly):

Well, it really came down to a plan, an idea that I thought would work, worked perfectly.

When I first signed with Bellator, I guess Dana (White) and Bonnar kind of had an idea that if they called me out, I would come back to the UFC and fight. And this was a year ago that this happened. And I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I wanted to fight in Bellator, so I signed with Bellator and I thought in my mind, ‘How can I get Bonnar to Bellator to finally shut him up and smash him after the things he said?’

And sneakily on my side, I got (fighter manager) Dave Thomas to sign him. Dave Thomas signed him and we had to think of something to make him believe that Dave Thomas doesn’t like me, that Paul Herrera didn’t like me. Paul Herrera was going to coach him. And Stephan Bonnar bit the line, hook and sinker. He thought in his own mind that all of his guys were against me and I fooled him.

And now it’s a week out from the fight. I know how his training camp went. I know the ins and outs. So he just got baited. That’s how bad I want to cave his face in.

Woah. Woah. Woahwoahwoahwoahwoah. Back. The truck. Up.

Let me see if I got this straight, Tito, because that is a *lot* of information to process. You mean to tell me that you, Tito Ortiz, having gone 1-6-1 since 2007 and being all but forced into retirement following UFC 148, were still such a hot commodity that your former promotion sent Stephan Bonnar, who had himself recently retired amidst a steroid scandal, over to Bellator in an attempt to lure you back into their arms? And that while you were already working up a fake rivalry with Rampage Jackson, you simultaneously concocted this Thomas-Herrera long con on Bonnar in some kind of Saw-esque, multiple-storylines-interweaving-at-once plot contrivance, knowing that Bonnar would eventually come out of retirement and sign with Bellator just to fight you? And that you would need an inside man in his training camp to beat him?

You, the guy who can’t even recall the saying “hook, line, and sinker” in the correct order, planned all this out?

Well I am simply flabbergasted by this revelation, Tito. Bamboozled even. Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you didn’t *actually* have a cracked skull heading into UFC 106, and that the whole was just an elaborate ploy to..write off…a lackluster…performance……

Dear God. Tito Ortiz has been Verbal Kint-ing us this entire time. That’s the only logical explanation. Otherwise, it would be impossible to consider this interview as anything other than the delusional ramblings of a fading legend who is desperately grasping at straws in the final hour of his career. And we all know that would never happen. Not in MMA.

How could we be so naive? Anyone who saw Ortiz’s run on The Apprentice knew that he was something of a business savant, and yet we bit his “dumb guy who can’t talk” routine sinker, tackle box, and canoe all these years. For Christ’s sake, his first name’s not even really Tito!

Tito Jacob Christopher Ortiz probably isn’t even half-Mexican. Hell, he’s probably not even real. But the ungovernable force known as Tito Ortiz *will* end Bonnar’s career at Bellator 131, mark my words. After that…my guess is you’ll never hear from him again. Just listen to this final snippet from his interview and tell me I’m wrong.

This guy, when he talked trash, with him and Dana talking trash, I was like, ‘How do I get in the cage and fight him and not in the UFC?’ And I just sat back and let the strings be pulled.

I’m the king of trash talk, but at the end of the day, the person who laughs last, laughs loudest and hardest. And that’s me.

Let you tell me how I’m feeling right now, Tito.

-J. Jones

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