Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

If Jose Canseco Can Do It, Why Not These Guys?

(‘I solemnly swear to kick some Korean giant ass.’)

If you’re anything like us, only now have you finally stopped LOL-ing about Jose Canseco’s ridiculous involvement in the upcoming Dream “Super Hulk” tournament.  Not only is it a completely ‘tarded idea for a former pro athlete who is universally despised in his own sport to try and jump into MMA to make a quick buck, but he’s doing so against Hong Man Choi, just in case it wasn’t enough of a freak show already.  But that got us thinking, if Canseco can do it, why not other disgraced pro athletes?

Here’s a few we wouldn’t mind seeing in a Japanese free-for-all, shit-show of an event.

(That’s Leaf in the middle of those two hunky dudes there.)

Ryan Leaf: Possibly the biggest NFL draft bust and an ongoing cautionary tale for pro football scouts everywhere, Leaf managed to make people hate him by being both completely useless as a quarterback and a total prick about it.  Whatever money he originally bilked from that poor mom and pop operation known as the San Diego Chargers can’t last forever, so he should be in need of a good payday soon.  And who wouldn’t want to see Leaf get punched in the face?
Possible opponents: Kevin Randleman will (sometimes) fight anyone, anywhere.

Michael Vick: Dude, dogfighting.  That’s all you really have to say here.  If you’ve been involved in actively harming man’s best friend for your own amusement, it’s safe to say that there are no shortage of people eager to see you take a beatdown on live TV.  If there’s one athlete who actually stands a good chance of picking up the fundamentals of MMA in a hurry, it might well be Vick, but that only makes him a more interesting candidate.
Possible opponents: You know who hates dogfighting?  Tito freaking Ortiz, that’s who.  

(Weirdly creepy?)
Mark McGwire: After thrilling the nation with his pursuit of the single-season home run record, we later learned that McGwire was – surprise! – most likely on the juice.  He took the sissy way out in a Congressional hearing, refusing to even offer us an indignant claim of innocence and choosing instead to back out of the spotlight in the hopes that we’d all forget about him.
Possible opponents: Jose Canseco, obviously.  Canseco is the one who outed him in his tell-all book, and just imagine the fun a promoter could have twisting “The Bash Brothers” into a tagline for this event.

Maurice Clarett: Once a promising college running back, later an armed robber and general menace to society.  He now writes a blog from prison, “The Mind of Maurice Clarett,” and has vowed to go straight and get his life together once he gets out. That sounds like a guy who could use a paycheck.
Possible opponents: It might be fun to see Shinya Aoki kneebar the poor bastard, just to give him terrifying flashbacks.

(Looking for these, Olympic Committee?)
Marion Jones: The steroid-using former Olympian had to give back her medals, and then as if that wasn’t enough she got caught up in some check fraud scheme, just to make her life seem that much more unsavory.  That’s a person who definitely needs a place to compete where a) they pay for your celebrity, no matter what its current status, and b) they don’t drug test.  I know a place like that.  So does Bob Sapp.
Possible opponents: If Gina Carano weren’t so busy doing photo shoots this might be fun, but we’ll go ahead and say Kim Couture.  It’s either her or Tonya Harding, and Kim could really use a vacation out of the country right now.

Cagepotato Comments

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BM2- May 13, 2009 at 1:23 am
Dude, "shit-show" of an event? I hope you're not talking about DREAM.9. The Super Hulk GP isn't the sole focus of the card, there is also JZ vs Kawajiri, the FWGP and even Mayhem vs Jacare 2.

Savageleto- May 12, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I don't get the steroid nonsense.

The hypocrisy from those in power regarding it is so transparently fake, it would be full of laughs if I could just stop vomiting for 2 seconds...

ScrambledEggs- May 12, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Choi would kick Canseco's ass even if Jose was allowed to use a bat in the fight.
831 Son- May 12, 2009 at 7:15 pm
@ Dojima, umm im pretty sure he is known for fighting. Getting drunk, starting fights, and beating people up. Hes been arrested on assault charges. Totally agreed that Canseco will get destroyed though. He wont stand a chance.
Jesus Frijoles- May 12, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Wow, that came out sort of bitter didn't it? Maybe if the fuckin Chiefs had covered the spread one effin time...........gottverdamptt Elway comebacks.
Jesus Frijoles- May 12, 2009 at 6:32 pm
As a lifelong Chiefs fan, I would pay any amount of money to see Elway beaten senseless and then choked out. Put the big horse toothed goober in with Kimbo. I am sure he needs to get some bling out of hawk by now.
BeastUnleashed- May 12, 2009 at 6:18 pm
DREAM whatever number its at is gonna suck super hard. Why not just put Hansen, Aoki and Sakurai on every damn event.
ImaAssSpankMe- May 12, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I think it's obvious that the entire sporting world would love to see Brett Favre get his shit ruined. Throw him in there against Chuck. The battle of the bruised egos. Or something more clever that I'll never think up on my own. Whatever they call it, I'll spend every penny I have to see it.

I'm annoyed at how much attention Vick gets. At least Favre was once good at what he did. Vick was shit. Same goes for Leaf. Busts don't deserve another payday. Fuck both of them. Plus I'm pretty sure Leaf is a quaterback coach at some college somewhere. He's actually teaching other people how to play quaterback. That's hilarious enough.
Fedor vs. Bas- May 12, 2009 at 2:21 pm
How about Tank Johnson vs. Bob Sapp?

Adam Pacman Jones? He already hasa fighting nickname!
Surfin Dave- May 12, 2009 at 2:06 pm
It would have to be Carano or Cyborg against Marion Jones. Someone with enough punching power to knock that stupid tooth out.
BackbaconBilly- May 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I think it would be cool to see these first douchbags get their asses kicked,thought we were gettin rid of those homo's ??
PHELPS- May 12, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Canseco is an oracle. His powers can't be denied.
mayhem- May 12, 2009 at 12:19 pm
@PHELPS- dont forget he also knows who shot JFK and what happend to Amelia Earhart.
Jeffro- May 12, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Does the guys shirt, next to Ryan Leaf, read "Liver Shot"? If so, I want one. That would be way cooler than the shirts they try to give away on this site.
PHELPS- May 12, 2009 at 11:53 am
After ridding MLB of substance abusers, Canseco will expose all the cheaters in mma. Then he will go on to let us know where tupacs been hiding all these years.
Dojima- May 12, 2009 at 11:47 am
I will contentedly lol all night long after Canseco gets his face smashed by the massive korean... cuz, seriously, Canseco LOST to Bonaduce - who is a foot shorter and not especially known for his fighting skills.. and i say lost because if you outweigh and tower over your opponent and cant win, you lose even if its called a draw
PHELPS- May 12, 2009 at 11:30 am
If we're tossing juicers in, how about Manny Ramirez. I wouldn't mind seeing his tubby ass take a beating. Too soon?
mayhem- May 12, 2009 at 11:20 am
The caption under Maurice Clarett's picture is the BEST!!! hahaha....
Bandy13- May 12, 2009 at 11:20 am
"can"seco will be lit up by the end of the first. kinda like a replay of the last time he got in a ring.

mcguire is still the man. guy has forearms the size of tuf guys quads(17.5 inches)
rokabee- May 12, 2009 at 11:16 am
my dad looks like mark McGwire, people would always ask him for his autograph. I'd love to see Canseco vs McGwire.
Kickn_A- May 12, 2009 at 11:13 am
No Comment really here but Yeah I would love to see Tito back in the cage kickiin Vicks' ass
Pure Karate- May 12, 2009 at 11:11 am
The last dude with the medals looks pretty tough.
DbHK- May 12, 2009 at 11:09 am
Canseco via rolling kneebar in the bottom of the 9th.
Redmoose- May 12, 2009 at 11:08 am
Wow, really super first.
Redmoose- May 12, 2009 at 11:05 am