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If This Doesn’t Make You Thirsty For Malt Liquor, You Must Not Have a Serious Drinking Problem Yet

The first time I ever got drunk it was thanks to Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor. At the time I was fifteen and didn’t know that the phrase “Fine Malt Liquor” made no sense at all. Some friends and I got the big mouth bottles and drank them as fast as we could in the vacant lot behind the supermarket. Needless to say, we soon threw up and had horrible headaches, but the point was we did it. The fact that it was awful only made us feel more like men, which of course we weren’t. It wasn’t until a few months later when I saw a homeless man drinking a forty of Mickey’s in the street while holding his pants up with his free hand that I realized maybe we had been using the wrong metric by which to gauge our manhood.

Mickey’s lost me as a customer back then, but that doesn’t mean they’re giving up. They’ve apparently decided to go the Coors Light route, and instead of investing money into coming up with a better product they’re simply going to do weird stuff to the container. The newest weird thing: putting Tito Ortiz on their limited edition cans.

There’s something that’s just too perfect about seeing Ortiz hook up with Mickey’s. They were both once beloved by the UFC until the organization found something better, and they’re both responsible for regrettable pregnancies. Too far?

Cagepotato Comments

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Neosamurai- August 26, 2008 at 3:59 pm
So when can we expect to hear Tito say "Snap Into A Slim Jim"
Jeff- August 26, 2008 at 10:07 am
This reminds me of that scene in Pootie Tang where Pootie sells himself out and becomes a spokesman for Malt Liquor and Cheese Burgers.

Malt LICKA? Pootie Tang, MALT LICKA!?!?!??! August 26, 2008 at 7:57 am
Tito -- get stung! :D
asian sensation- August 26, 2008 at 5:19 am
im still waitin on gallagher to jump out from around the corner and smash that watermelon on top of his shoulders...
god's other white meat- August 26, 2008 at 12:15 am
they need a new slogan. how's this?
"Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor - Tito Ortiz knows about aftertaste."


come to think of it, tito's head is shaped like a beer can. good call mickey's!!!
My sisters stinky box- August 25, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Ziiiing! BTW, not too soon. Too funny. I wonder what the spawn of those two will lioke like? Will it inherit plastic from Jenna or is plastic not passed on to the next generation? I predict a little girl with alligator lips, a uni brow, a vagina a mac truck can go through, and a BIG fucking mouth. Atleast we know a big mouth will be a part o fthe child since 100% of their parents have one. Just which one will that mout take after?
Karmaatemycat- August 25, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I tip my hat to the guy who wrote this.
Sharper- August 25, 2008 at 9:12 pm
haha this is a perfect joke gift for my friend that hates ortiz.