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IFL To Debut Fighting Surface of the Future (!!!)

six-sided ring
(The inspiration for the IFL’s new ring design.)

This morning we got a spam e-mail from the IFL imploring us to buy presale tickets to “IFL Summer Throwdown,” which goes down August 15th at the IZOD Center in the Meadowlands, New Jersey. And just as we were about to hit the delete button, we saw this at the bottom:

The night will also feature the world debut of “The HEX,” the IFL’s brand new six-sided ring. This is the future fighting surface for all of MMA. To introduce this new era in fighting, the IFL Summer Throwdown fight card will present the most explosive Mixed Martial Arts action the East Coast has ever seen!

Ho. Lee. Shit.

Merriam-Webster defines “hex” as a “jinx” (in its noun form), or “to affect as if by an evil spell” (in its verb form), which is astoundingly appropriate considering how cursed the IFL is. This is their response to public disinterest? A six-sided ring!? As we saw last week, IFL CEO Jay Larkin believes that since MMA fans haven’t taken to their events, we all must be Affliction-wearing, Xyience-swilling jokers who care more about light shows and dancing girls than high-level mixed martial arts competition. (The rebuttal to that misguided viewpoint is long and complex, and is expressed in the analysis and comments in the original post.)

So, my first thought was wow, what an idiot. Doesn’t Larkin know that gimmicky ring surfaces are the tool of the desperate and creatively bereft? American MMA fans don’t respond well to the ring, so the answer is to give them a different, more fucked-up ring? Really?

But now I’m starting to think that the “HEX” is Larkin’s final “Kiss My Ass” to all of us.

A simple Google Image Search of “six-sided ring” revealed that the enclosure had been previously used by TNA Wrestling. Sure it’s silly, but professional wrestling fans have no problem with absurd spectacle. Maybe Larkin saw the six-sided ring on TNA, and thought, “you know what, I’m going to give these inbred hillbillies what they really want.” To me, that’s the implication: The IFL is showing us a shiny piece of metal in the hopes that we’ll giggle and clap our hands.

The question is, does anyone think this will actually work? When “Summer Throwdown” fails to generate any new fans (and turns off the relatively few fans the IFL currently has), is Larkin going to throw his hands up and say “Well that’s it, I’ve tried everything, who knows what these people want?” Or is this one of those suicidal public-flameout-type deals?

But hey, you gotta give them points for sheer chutzpah for calling the HEX “the future fighting surface for all of MMA.” Please — we all know that the future fighting surface for MMA is a bowl with a raised lip at the edge.

UPDATE: MMAWeekly reports that the HEX is being constructed by Throwdown Industries, the clothing/energy drink company that’s sponsoring “Summer Throwdown.” Athletes and coaches will have the opportunity to test the new ring prior to August 15th.

Cagepotato Comments

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Anonymous- May 15, 2008 at 10:20 pm
IFL just when you think they cant screw up anymore
Bubba Burgers- May 9, 2008 at 1:19 am
When TNA's "Phenominal" AJ Styles (the dude in the picture, no relation to Vitor Belfort) was asked once what he thought made TNA different than their competition, ie WWE, he replied with the brilliant, "OUR RINGS GOT SIX SIDES!!!".

This is the IFL's moment to do the same for the world of MMA. But wouldn't they use PRIDE's "The Best" 8-sided ring? Or why wouldn't they one up the UFC and go with 10-sides? "The Decagon" is a pretty imposing name for something.
Big D- May 8, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Their new shows will be called "Smack Off" featuring ladder matches and storylines!
KTFO- May 8, 2008 at 4:04 am
Maybe this is to help ease Kurt Angle into MMA, it being familiar surroundings and all. Him and Brock Lesnar can headline the event and call it "Gay Butt Sex in the Hex"!
h20- May 7, 2008 at 10:49 pm
The GayAgon.
DonnyG- May 7, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I don't think that this is a terrible idea but they are not addressing the worst part of a ring; fighters popping out of the bottom of the ropes and having to be restarted in the center. I hate when that happens. They need to add a lip right at the end of the map to keep the fighters in the ring. If they did that i would probably watch it...maybe...
JOhns- May 7, 2008 at 7:34 pm
They should call the new surface "The Sux".
Vrax- May 7, 2008 at 7:18 pm
We need to cut the shit and fight it out in Thunderdome already.
MMA-hole- May 7, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Dude, awful. There's a couple pics of this abortion here:
NealTaflinger- May 7, 2008 at 7:05 pm
IFL - Now with 50% more suck!
Blackleg- May 7, 2008 at 7:02 pm
oh W. T. F.

Seriously? They haven't mangled what little chance they had to pull out of their tailspin enough that they needed *one* more thing to twitch the stick and plant the nose right into the mountain-side. Awesome.

Anyone wanna buy an IFL sweatshirt? :D
tim sylvia's pussy- May 7, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I didn't think it was possible for the IFL to get any worse...
Aptninja- May 7, 2008 at 6:53 pm
God, I cannot wait for Dana White to file that lawsuit.