“Remember when ReX13 was just the goofy extra?”
Best part of being a not-at-all professional blogger contributing to this website? Being able to blatantly violate a CagePotato ban without fearing any reprisals from the powers that be. Because let’s face it, the expectations for yours truly are set lower than the credibility bar to be a 2012 Republican candidate in good ol’ ‘Merica. (Suck it, Dundas, i can pick low-hanging political fruit, too!) You bastards can expect plenty more rule-breaking from me in the future, because i color outside the lines. I’m a rebel. I walk on the wildside. I do not consistently capitalize self-referential pronouns. It’s just how i am. At least until BG and GusBuster pull my editing privileges–feel free to start a pool on how long i last, provided i can get in on the action.
Some of you may have noticed that i haven’t been around much lately, and you may have heard a nasty rumor that i was hospitalized after taking part in an underground hotdog-eating contest that was unsanctioned by the Major League Eating government body. I’d like to squash those rumors, but since my reported performance was on par with that Kobayashi cat, i’ll just let you all use your imaginations as to my status for the past month.
Thanks to the weekend crew for soldiering on with the Bellator coverage, but i could have done without Goldstein typing up a succinct but LOL-worthy recap of Hector Lombard‘s performance. Way to go Beej, now stop making me look bad. I’ll still be sharing my own perspective on the goings-on at BFC, even though i deuced out for the last two cards of the season. Now i know that there are literally tens of you saying, “Oh noes, the Bellator season is over! Now where will we get a regular serving of MMA competition on the cheap?” Relax: Bellator will return for a full season in September, plus they have a few shows planned for the summer to tide us over until then.
Oh and by the way, Potato Nation, i really need you to pick up your game in the caption contests and commenting strings. Assuming that you are out of practice, expect me to frequently post WTF-worthy pics and encourage you to caption them, because the less work i have to do, the better. Like having kids and orgies, if i can get you to entertain one another and still take the credit, i win. Do your worst, Nation. No, there will be no prizes, save the amusement and admiration of your fellow readers. Similarly, i’ll be looking to resurrect the old “Ask the Potato” feature (so submit some damn questions), as well as a new regular feature involving fictional conversations between MMA personalities, since you have received our previous attempts at fictional entertainment so well.
So that’s it, Nation. Just wanted to drop a line letting you know that i’m still alive, still linking to other peoples’ hard work to entertain you, and yes, Drano, you still my boy. But damn, ya’ll — can we take it easy on MRuss? It’s only a matter of time until some big media outlet needs a real MMA reporter, and trust me, you don’t want me trying to pick up that slack, too. I really suck at interviews. Or at least, that’s what you guys have said.