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Impact FC Aftermath: Yes, It Was Just as Bad as You Assumed It Would Be

(Never surrender, except to leg kicks. VidProps: YouTube/ZP840)

If you can imagine a fight card populated by has-beens and no-accounts, filmed by the blind and narrated by the guys from “Flight of the Conchords” (except without the genuinely funny parts), then you have a pretty good idea what it was like to watch Impact FC’s first-ever pay-per-view on Saturday night. “The Uprising” was filled with plenty of the awkward pauses, even more awkward announcing, terrible camera work and retro graphics that we’ve come to expect from fledgling MMA promotions. As for the actual fighting? It played out about like you might have predicted, too.

Indeed when, just a few moments into the broadcast, nattily attired but totally incompetent ring announcer James White forgot his lines midway through his introductory remarks and had to stop cold to confess he’d drawn a blank, you knew it was going to be a long night. Despite how many times we were informed by the play-by-play team that the action in the cage was “thunderous” or “amazing” the show – filmed around noon local time in Sydney, Australia in a partially filled arena — felt so flat that the fighters themselves would’ve been hard-pressed to break the monotony. Luckily for them, it didn’t seem like they were trying too hard.

Just as the production values left a lot to be desired, Impact FC also didn’t get any great performances out of its cast of misfits and B-listers from bell-to-bell. From Murilo Bustamante quitting due to dizziness to Daniel Acacio quitting at the sight of his own blood to Ken Shamrock collapsing (and basically quitting) after receiving a handful of leg kicks from Pedro Rizzo, it was all a pretty sad little display. 

Bustamante had some chances to catch Jesse Taylor in a submission early in their fight, but couldn’t find his legs when referee John McCarthy tried to call for a stand-up a couple minutes into the second round. Bustamante stumbled, unable to get his balance and immediately waved things off. That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the night.

Denis Kang and Paulo Filho both looked respectable, but their mostly dull fight ended in a split draw. Murilo “Ninja” Rua rebounded from a knockdown to choke out Jeremy May with an arm-in guillotine that the American barely tried to escape at all before tapping. It took Paul Daley until the third round to finish the surprisingly tough Acacio.  Not known for his ground skills, Daley just coasted through the first couple of frames once Acacio managed to get the fight to the mat. In the third, however, when Daley wound up on top and busted Acacio open with an elbow to the forehead, the Brazilian tapped as soon as he realized he was bleeding.

Impact FC also mixed in Josh Barnett’s win and Carlos Newton’s loss from the previous weekend’s show, which may have been confusing to the casual viewer (if there were any) as the cage, the sound and ring announcer White’s fancy outfits all appeared to change from fight to fight.  Contrary to earlier reports, Newton’s three-round encounter with Brian Ebersole was actually one of the better bouts of the evening(s). After a decent striking battle, Ebersole claimed a unanimous decision.

In the main event, Shamrock answered the opening bell looking as game as ever, landing a few punches as the two veterans circled the cage. Once Rizzo started unleashing kicks to the thighs, however, things changed in a hurry. After just a few strikes to the lower body, Shamrock could no longer stand and Rizzo reluctantly came forward to finish him off with punches.

All in all, the new creepy Christian Ken Shamrock seemed a lot less fun than the chair-kicking, steroid rage-y Ken Shamrock of old. He took the loss with a half-crazy smile and a laugh … then made a number of extremely dubious claims during his postfight interview, among them: “I never quit” (Ed. Note: So, what just happened in that fight?), “I always fight top competition” (Ed. Note: Ross Clifton?) and (we’re paraphrasing here) “If the fans keep showing up to watch, I’m going to keep getting in here and fighting.” (Ed. Note: Oh, Jesus Christ.)

Cagepotato Comments

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dranokills- July 19, 2010 at 4:59 pm
you tell em FBF.
fuck all haters.
hey buddy didn't we have a bet that I need to pay up on?
Titos Head- July 19, 2010 at 1:40 pm
@I train mma I agree....CP is an awesome, not as fast to update as Bloody Elbow, but a damn good site. I also have noticed that they have been very critical of every other promotion except the UFC. Its almost as though the UFC can do no wrong and they are Dana White fan boys. But, you have to understand that from their business perspective it is a value to keep in the good graces of the UFC. I'm sure they got a foot in the door somehow by acting like this its exactly why they are going to be at the UFC fan Expo in Boston. CP has to do what the have to do, but they don't have to be so "DW" about everything other than the UFC and their fighters...come on guys lets keep it real.
2DaDeath- July 19, 2010 at 11:24 am
So just to be clear...

If i get 1st place in one of the fightpicker pools, but 2 others get 1st as well, that means we split the prize 3 ways?
Fried Taco- July 19, 2010 at 6:22 am
According to Cecil People's scorecard, Ken was winning the fight when it was stopped.
ArmFarmer- July 19, 2010 at 5:43 am

After rereading the article i really dont see what everyones so pissed about. Other than the fact that i think filho and kang had an awesome fight, everything else this article says is completely accurate. The show sucked.

Imo the most annoying and baffling thing about it was the constant "lets make some noooiise!!". Why? This isnt a godamn pep rally you retards. That shit was distracting, annoying, and it served no purpose other than to show how desperate they were to make themselves appear exciting.

Also, you forgot kens best post fight line.. something like "as long as the fans keep payin ill keep gettin beat up"
ytrebil- July 19, 2010 at 1:20 am
I just watched the fights the next day and thought they were alright. The Daley Arcacio fight was good. I thought Daley showed very good cardio and he boxed Arcacio well. Daley also looked pretty versatile on the ground. A good fight after losing to Kos via lay'n'pray.
Cronic- July 18, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Barnett is a top-10 heavyweight. Really? Wait are we talking about fake Japanese wrestling or maybe steroid consumption? I guess I could agree on either of those.
Lysol- July 18, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Impact FC: At least we're not YAMMA.
Dick_Gozenya- July 18, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Is your nose blue from having your head shoved so far up your ass? Is 1690 the number of millimeters your cranium has penetrated into your lower intestine? I'm just curious because I have no idea why you would go by such a stupid screen name (I know, I'm one to talk, but at least mine is a pathetic attempt at humor) and I'm pretty sure you didn't get it randomly assigned to you.

Stop me if this sounds crazy, but if the commentating is so bad that you have to turn the sound off on your TV there is something wrong with the product. I'm going to let you in on a secret: in the world of commerce, you speak with your cash money. If you want to support and encourage low quality garbage, then by all means that is your prerogative, but I have seen amateur alphabet soup organizations from Kansas do a better job than that shit. You should busy yourself with sticking up for Strikefarce, at least they have a fair shot at being around in six months

DazedNConfused- July 18, 2010 at 6:59 pm
The fights were actually pretty good. Also a lot of the fighters on the card are actually still good fighters. I don't get the hate! but hey whatever, I enjoyed the fights. Denis Kang and Paulo Filho? that's an awesome fight.
fatbellyfrank- July 18, 2010 at 6:52 pm
BlueNose1690 Says:
Mon, 07/19/2010 - 10:51
Slowly by each post this website makes it just loses that little bit more credibility. Seriously , Why the hate ?? Fighters need paid just like anyone else. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that card last night , If you dont like the commentary , Mute it. Its really not hard , Its not the commentary your paying to watch. Cage Potato , The MMA website that just gets looked down upon like a stupid child.
Why log on and post comments if this site annoys you and you consider it beneath you. Seriously, why the angst ?journalists need pay just like anyone else. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that story this morning. If you dont like the articles,Don't log in, its really not hard. BlueNose1690, The MMA Fan that just.............well, you know the rest , you wrote it!
BlueNose1690- July 18, 2010 at 5:54 pm
BlueNose1690- July 18, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Slowly by each post this website makes it just loses that little bit more credibility. Seriously , Why the hate ?? Fighters need paid just like anyone else. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that card last night , If you dont like the commentary , Mute it. Its really not hard , Its not the commentary your paying to watch. Cage Potato , The MMA website that just gets looked down upon like a stupid child.
Dick_Gozenya- July 18, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Ken used to ride from submission grappling exhibition to submission grappling exhibition on the back of a twelve foot tall green donkey named "Infant". It was said he could pitch a circus tent with one hand while shaving the bearded lady with the other.
fatbellyfrank- July 18, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Memo Cecil Peoples, see leg kicks do finish fights, although I think arthritis was a contributing factor here
fatbellyfrank- July 18, 2010 at 4:55 pm
I would have gone to the show myself, but the cane toad races were on, so I stayed home to watch them, much more entertaining
shitbag- July 18, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Anyone complaining about this article - get a life! Did you even watch this show? I did, and let me tell ya, I was looking forward to reading this article, I just assumed Cage Potato would do one, and thank god they didn't let me down.

This whole show sucked! It was a joke! EVERYthing from top to bottom was worse than second rate. Starting with the worst announcer in the history of announcing! I bet when cavemen got together to hold fight cards, the caveman that did the announcing/grunting wasn't as bad as that guy was. And what the fuck was with him talking during the fights to yell at the crowd to 'make some noise'!??! Shut up!
Almost North- July 18, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Ken footlocked himself a baarrrr when he was only three.
Dick_Gozenya- July 18, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Hey, did you guys know that if you look up the definition of "MMA Pioneer" in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of Ken Shamrock? It's true, I checked, there he was in his raccoon hat and buckskin breeches. Did you know they used hollowed out pheasants for four ounce gloves when Ken started?
Dick_Gozenya- July 18, 2010 at 3:45 pm
@ Lesnar's Tiny Penises

I thought it was funny...
anderson wanderlei paulo thiago alves silva- July 18, 2010 at 1:52 pm
if someone told me this video was from 20 years ago i would of believed them
CZ- July 18, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Gotta love Cp for giving away the fight result in the fucking caption
Lesnars_tiny_pecker_says- July 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm
I just want to say that having been invlvoed with combat sports a little, I respect anyone that gets in the ring/octagon/mat ,whatever and competes on any level. having said that, WOW! Kenny boy looked bad. It is kinda sad but I have a hard time feeling sorry for him since he has been a total douche and a steroid user, also some people forget that shamrock did cash in some on the old school fame, although at the cost of his reputation, remeber that stint with the WWE back in the day. He even had a action figure. But he didn't get the cash that the stars of the "modern era have. I could see one more way for him to make money. Are you ready for this..... Ken and Frank shamrock in a ACtion thriller about two recovering steroid users taking down the king pin in a steroid cartel. also staring Jose censeco, Barry Bonds, and all the gang.
Yea I know my attempt at funny is lame as hell, I'm hungover what can I say
Almost North- July 18, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Its disturbing to think there might be a Gus Johnson in every country worldwide.
El Guapo- July 18, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Two words, Aussie Gus Johnson. He woulda kicked it up another notch or four. And the fighters undoubtedly would've fed off his rah-rah..

Actually, three words. Same shit. "Crikey! He's got 'em in a sleepy hold!"