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Instant Bestseller Alert: War Machine is Writing a Book

Our favorite MMA convict, War Machine is a free man in just under a month and when he gets out, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver wants all of us to know that even though his Big House Blogs will cease, he plans on continuing to entertain us with an autobiography he has been penning the past few months behind bars.

You know you’ll read it, especially if he details his short-lived porn career and his multiple brushes with the law.

Check out what he had to say about his tome and his final weeks in jail in his two latest blog entries below:


June 2nd, 2011
Oh shiiitt! It’s June! Can’t fucking believe I’ve been in this shit hole 11 months!! July 15th I’m free! Hell yeah! I’ve been getting in pretty good shape too. Hopefully the transition back to real training will be smooth, can’t wait to fight! OMG! My fingers ache from trying to finish a rough draft of my book by my release. Fuck pencils/paper! I wish I had my MacBook! Once I’m free I’m gonna clean it up nice and try to get it published. I think it will do well, I’ve read several NY Times Best Selling Auto-Bios and wasn’t too impressed. I have done A LOT and learned A LOT. Much more than the people in the book I’ve read, we’ll see though. If nothing else, it killed a lot of time for me in here. Fuck! I’m so excited to get out, I have a lot of high expectations for the future. Anyway, same boring shit in here, people’s lives wasting away. Another guy OD’d and was seizing as they rolled him out on the stretcher, he lived, but there’s something creepy about watching a seizure, I hate it! Gives me the heeby geebies. Anyway, I read a crazy book series by Zecharia Sitchin called “The Earth Chronicles” – you should check it out, makes you think! Also been reading a couple of that guy Pavel Tsatsouline’s books… he says some good shit, a small amount of dumb shit, but overall good. BUT, he CONSTANTLY advertises all his other books, throughout each book, and it’s fucking obnoxious! Makes me not like him as much, but maybe it’s the publisher’s fault? Either way, you should check them out. Alright, more next week! Thanks for the continued e-mails and support!


June 10th, 2011
I’m in pretty good shape now, given my circumstances, but doing the same shit over and over again wears on you. Sucks though cuz options are limited when you’re stuck in a cell 24/7. Just need to keep at it another month until I get out so I can hit the gym and be ready to fight ASAP!! I heard BAMMA is having a show on Sept. 10th and I really want on it! That’s only 10 weeks of real training after 12 months of nothing but I’m confident that I’ll bounce back quick and be able to beat some ass by Sept. 10th! Fuck! I hope I can get on that card! And once I’m in shape and got my 1st fight back out of the way, I’m gonna keep on scrappin’ non-stop so promoters EVERYWHERE need to throw fights at me non-stop! Fuck fighting a few times/year – I’m gonna do a Jeremy Horn and fight all the time.

Anyway, sick of all the idiots in here. I sit back and observe and it all makes me sick. Gangs are a joke. They act all righteous and family-like face to face and then they burn one another constantly as soon as they turn around. Bunch of fakers, liars, and cheaters man. I feel bad for the young kids that get sucked into that life, as they look for a sense of family and for male role models. Kids that grow up around that garbage never even had a chance man. I can see that all of these dudes are just human and have goodness in them but the years of the life they’ve lived has conditioned and programmed them into what they are now. Oh well, what can you do? Fuck it, just ready to be back to my life. Really look forward to showing the world that I’m serious and have a new outlook on life! I’m over the dumb shit, just want to do positive and be successful from now on.

So there’s a new skinhead in our module and apparently, he doesn’t approve of me being in “the hole” for the reason which I’m here for. If you haven’t been following my Tweets/blogs, I’m here because 1) I was sick of having cellies and 2) To make sure I don’t get in any fights my last few months. I WANT TO GO HOME, NOT GET NEW CHARGES. He says if I want to remain “active” I need to go back to the “main-line.” LOL. I told him this jail bullshit ain’t my world and that I can care less about being “active.” He then asked why I don’t go to the “PC” module. I said “What for?” He said, “That’s where you go for protective custody.” As if I’m protecting myself from others? I’m protecting myself from myself! Then he kept mentioning how things would be different if there weren’t a door between us. I said, “Why? What difference would it make if it weren’t? I’d beat you up and then what?” LOL. Anyway, if I want to be part of the “white man” I need to go back to “mainline” or go “PC.” Why the fuck would I want to live with child molesters and rats!? Just cuz I don’t want to take part in this world of phony respect and politics I should live with rats and child molesters? Yeah right! Anyway, now the “active” white men are not allowed to talk to me, and in the future if I went to prison again or whatever, I’d get fucked up… blah blah blah. Don’t care and don’t plan on coming back. Jail politics can suck my dick!
Jon Koppenhaver 10754342

Cagepotato Comments

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Me likey- June 23, 2011 at 5:18 pm
@barnaby jones
i work in a federal prison. i have previously worked in state and county prisons. prison officials have to treat inmates equally. they can not give inmates special treatment or every inmate will expect it. if you didnt treat them equally they would have grounds for a lawsuit or you would have a riot on your hands.
FaH Q NL15- June 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Ya im sold on the book. Motherfuckers crazy, but i like his viewpoints. Hopefully he kills it in September
Fedor Penn- June 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I will definitely be purchasing his book. War War!
intercept440- June 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm
War Machine has about the same chances of staying out of jail as does lindsay lohan
Barnaby Jones- June 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm
That's pretty presumptuous of you. All wardens are different. In jail people are treated on a case by case basis. They have to be or it would be way too chaotic.
Me likey- June 23, 2011 at 12:13 pm
you can't just request to go to the "hole" or special housing unit. you have to do something to go. you can request protective custody but you have to submit a reason for it. such as give names of people that want to hurt you and why. also known as snitching. so him saying that he is in the hole because he wants to stay out of trouble and didn't want to cell with someone is shit.
haterade- June 23, 2011 at 11:56 am
Love paragraph 2 of the second blog...I always wanted to know War Machine's take on the nature vs. nurture debate
macreadysshack- June 23, 2011 at 11:52 am
I hate to say it but I agree with Lopes. This kid's head is just on too crooked to stay out of the clink. He's likely going to get out, surround himself with douchy friends and, after a few drinks one night, somebody will step on his dick and he'll get all alpha male and punch the dude's girlfriend in the face. The only question is which will end first, War Machine's freedom or the Mayan Calendar.
Fried Taco- June 23, 2011 at 11:38 am
I'll only buy the book if it has lots of pictures.
Crap Factory- June 23, 2011 at 11:31 am
$100 says he kills some clown just before his release and winds up there for a LONG time.
Pen Fifteen- June 23, 2011 at 11:25 am
I can't wait until amazon offers this for pre-order.
Lopes- June 23, 2011 at 11:20 am
He'll be back in cuffs by July 2012.
Kaibo- June 23, 2011 at 11:13 am
I love these blogs and will buy that book in support.
ExpectJesusBro- June 23, 2011 at 11:10 am
I bet "Bubba" changed 'machine's tune from that little boy voice to a high pitched girly shriek.
El Guapo- June 23, 2011 at 10:51 am
Don't piss off the Whites, 'Machine. Ask Cain, he'll tell ya..
mmacanada- June 23, 2011 at 10:51 am
Gotta love the machine! He would ruin those guys in there. I hope he stays clean in his last month. I wanna see if hes a fighter still!
chokeu2- June 23, 2011 at 10:42 am
This guy was a joke, who couldn't control himself before. But, it seems as though he may have truly turned over a new leaf. If he has, I'll buy the book to support that.