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It Could Always Be Worse Alert: Steven Seagal’s Energy Drink

With MMA fighters running off to dancing-based reality shows and movie remakes of old TV shows, it’s easy to become discouraged.  But don’t worry, because we found something much, much worse: Steven Seagal’s "Lightning Bolt" energy drink.  As you’ll see, it includes flavors like Cherry Charge and Asian Experience.  We’ll leave it up to your imaginations to decide what the latter tastes like, but just for fun let’s take a look at the ‘About Steven’ section of the website:

A master of several Japanese martial arts, Steven Seagal is a popular action movie hero whose films combine spiritual concepts and social/environmental consciousness with high-voltage violence.

By spiritual concept and social/environmental consciousness, we assume they’re referring to this.  At least MMA fighters aren’t so hard up that they’re resorting to energy drinks…oh, wait:

Skip to 4:25 for the real fun to begin.  And by fun we mean pain.  Oh well, at least it’s not as bad as a Steven Seagal/"Cops" hybrid reality show.  See?  It can always get just a little worse than you think is possible.


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Bovice- September 23, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Damn CP, thanks for deleting my comment regarding Rampage's retirement. My bad for showing the CP community the news anytime after 6pm. Pansies.
sheBeast- September 23, 2009 at 11:53 am
About a year ago I purchased one of these at Big Lots (it's where they send all the reject food that no one will buy at regular price) just because it had that *amazing* pic of steven on the can. Either that pic is srsly doctored or it's from his MUCH younger days....

Tasted like prune juice.

ReDx- September 23, 2009 at 10:00 am
You have to be careful with the Asian Experience flavor, immediately after you drink it you become very good at math but your dick shrinks.
Frank Mur- September 23, 2009 at 3:10 am
I don't know where I bought the shit, but I came accross two cans that now sit atop my fireplace mantle and they get awesome laughs whenever I have company. Thank ytou Steven Segal.
BTW, my wife threatened to toss them, but I told her they'd be worth something one day so she lets me keep them. She is now just as stupid as a Steven Segal energy drink.
whitey- September 23, 2009 at 12:21 am
most people don't know rampage also said he'd do an energy bar as long as they made it taste like maple syrup and white bread
Goog- September 22, 2009 at 11:10 pm
The best we can hope for is a break from having to watch this fucktard run his mouth. Randy left on bad terms, he's back. Tito left on bad terms, he's back. Kimbo was "never" gonna get in, he's in. And Dana will take this no-talent dick wrinkle back, too, when he flops after this movie. ut at least he'll be gone for a while.. But where does an uneducated, big-mouth criminal thug go? Not like he has options. He'll be back. Truth is, he sees he's in for a string of bad ass-kickings and knows his stock will go down as he loses. He's black chicken shit.
Daddy_jeffy- September 22, 2009 at 10:11 pm
@ UFC fan
I would gladly tell Steven Seagal he is a fatass. I assume it is nothing he doesn't already know as the mirror has been around for many many years.
You know who else had a black belt in Aikido, and the boots to match?? John Candy in "Who's Harry Crumb" (As long as we are discussing fictional characters why stop at Seagal).
Sheps- September 22, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Lmfao Rampage is pulling a Roger Huerta. So what, no Rashad fight now? WTF Rampage..... wtf.
Biffmiester- September 22, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Holy shit, I just read about Rampage... WTF!!!

Rampage seems to be disrespected that he didn't get the gig for Dancing With the Stars then, huh? I guess he now has his heart set out to play Jax in the new Mortal Kombat movie that's currently in development hell... All kidding aside, damn that blows!
Thatsozay- September 22, 2009 at 9:29 pm
@diazbros209 you mean like the insightful article about kimo leopold being dead?
ReDx- September 22, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Seagal only had 12 kills in that movie, thats weak. Arnold killed more than that while he was a kindergarten teacher.
Anhonestmoose- September 22, 2009 at 8:02 pm
In all honesty, Rampage has to realize that he does not have a future in acting. He may still have a few more years worth of fights in him, and while I understand that the UFC may not be the most agreeable employers it does not change the fact that Page is an awful actor.
UFC fan- September 22, 2009 at 7:55 pm
"Daddy_jeffy Says:
Tue, 09/22/2009 - 17:05

@ UFC fan
That fat bastard couldn't fight his way out of a crowded booth at Denny's."

I would love to see you tell him that some day, I would enjoy him kicking your fucking ass out the back of your stupid head.

As for that Rampage Jackson bullshit......I don't believe a word of it.
that is nothing but some made up shit.
DiazBros209- September 22, 2009 at 7:17 pm
The thing about cage potato is they don't post news right as they get the information. They like to construct well written and thought provoking articles rather than rushing stories out with a short blurb of information that everyone already knows. I get my news quickly from other sites, but I come back to Cage Potato for the writing.
Joedirt- September 22, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Dana White is a prick. I'm not even a huge rampage fan... I just hate Dana White.... and people say there is no corruption in MMA.... HA!
Nut Puncher 9000- September 22, 2009 at 6:41 pm
still investigating further...
Nut Puncher 9000- September 22, 2009 at 6:39 pm
I am glad someone else commented, but Rampage says he is done fighting.

his blog:
The UFC has done a lot for me but I think I have done more for them. The UFC bought WFA to get my contract & they saved my life, so I felt loyal to them. They pushed me into a fight with Chuck Liddel even when I clearly stated I wasn't ready to fight for the belt because the American fans didn't know me but I took the fight and didn't complain & after I won the American fans booed me for the first time which changed the way I saw them & it hurt me deeply.

Then before I can even get out of the cage they announced that I was fighting Dan Henderson without even asking me. After I beat Dan Henderson, I made history in becoming the first undisputed champion in MMA but was never even given the pride belt in the cage & I was never promoted as the undisputed champ. Later Anderson Silva was.

Then they had me coach TUF season 7 and fight Forrest and the fight was very controversial & normally when a fight is that close & controversial there is normally an instant replay. I can name a couple of instances. Instead they offered me the Vanderlei Silva fight which I gladly accepted even though I know it was a very risky fight for me to take because of all the drama that was happening to me at the time. I fought that fight with a jaw injury and then a couple weeks later Dana called me and asked me to fight Rashad. For the first time I said no, I didn't want to fight because it was such short notice & I wouldn't have had a long break between camp. Dana talked me into fighting Rashad anyway but Rashad refused the fight and so I had to fight Jardine as a favor to the UFC instead of getting my belt back (which wasn't even worth it to me financially).

Then I reinjured my jaw in the fight with Vanderlei & Jardine. Frank Mir gets hurt so they wanted to switch my fight from UFC 100 to the fight Frank couldn't make it to but I couldn't fight cause I needed jaw surgury. So they give Machida the fight against Rashad & they told me they want me to coach TUF season 10 against Rashad. That's why I wanted Rashad to win so bad but when Rashad got knocked out I told them I wanted to fight Machida for the belt but Dana told me if I coach TUF against Rashad that I could fight Machida afterwards cause this was a different type of ultimate fighter show they were doing. After I signed the contract Dana then changes his mind & says I have to fight Rashad & even told me what to say in the press & so my fans think I was scared to fight Machida. After all that I still never complained & I did it all.

Then this movie role came about that I have been trying to get for over a year & as soon as I found out I was close to getting it, I called Dana right away & asked to push the Memphis fight back just a month or so. I told him what this movie role meant to me. I told him that I used to bond with my father watching the tv show as a kid when my parents where still married & it represents the memories I had with my father when we lived together. My dad became an alcohalic & addicted to drugs & we grew apart. But after my dad got his life back together, I was so proud of my dad & I told him I would always take care of him in the future & make him proud of me. My dad & I are still very big fans of the show & I am basically doing this for the childhood memories I had spending time in front of the tv with my dad. Dana went on the internet & mocked me because of that & I still did nothing. Dana & I finally talked & we made up & then after that he went back on the internet & said some bullshit & he was talking bad about the movie when information is not even supposed to be released & talking about payments which is not even true could really hurt my future acting career, which could very well last longer than my fighting career. I'm not like Randy Couture. My body has been getting so many different injuries that I wont be able to fight until my forties & neither do I want to fight that long. So I feel like my second career could be in jeopardy.. so I'm done fighting. I've been getting negative reviews from the dumb ass fans that don't pay my bills or put my kids though college. So I'm hanging it up. I'm gonna miss all my loyal fans but hopefully they'll follow me to my new career & I will gain more loyal fans along the way. & all you hater fans out there can kiss my big black hairy ass! & anybody that don't like what I just said can come try to kick my ass!

I still feel the UFC is a great organization and I felt like I was very loyal to them but they didn't respect my loyalty but I wish the UFC the best. I did a lot of things for them. I wish no bad blood between us but I have kids & a family back in Memphis to provide for & thats all that matters to me!

-Posted by Rampage Jackson on September 22, 2009 at 4:43pm
RaginAsian- September 22, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I had one of these about a year ago. Appropriately enough, it makes you feel like he judo chopped your fucking kidneys. Twice.
Thatsozay- September 22, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Rampage announced he is done fighting and you guys are reporting about steven segal energy drinks? WTF.
Joedirt- September 22, 2009 at 5:20 pm
UFC fan... man you sure hate boxing.
Daddy_jeffy- September 22, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@ UFC fan
That fat bastard couldn't fight his way out of a crowded booth at Denny's.
UFC fan- September 22, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Steven Seagal is a tad strange, but I think he is for real. I believe he could kick anyone's ass who would dare attack him.
There is no one in the MMA world who could hurt him. He may be old and do bad movies but don't let that deter you from common sense, the things he does are not made for sport, they are defensive and deadly offensive, as Smitty would admit if asked. I'm sure.
...of course Smitty still likes outdated single disciplined crap like boxing so who knows.
nsiegel5- September 22, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Im sure you guys have been to the Vitamin Shoppe and have seen GSP on the spike energy drink, oh and the huge poster of Crotch Lester posing for protein. Also the Steven Seagal energy drink has been around for at least 2 years now. Im still waiting for my rampage energy drink to come out!! September 22, 2009 at 4:23 pm
The stuff may actually work cuz Seagal beat down Randy Couture in the box office hit "Today You Die"..?!
Sheps- September 22, 2009 at 3:51 pm
At least Rampage won't be wearing those ugly ass Ugz or whatever the fuck they are called. The ones you always see him and Lyoto showing off in MMA magz.

Rampage = the snoop dog of MMA.