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It’s Official: Tito Ortiz Put a Baby in Jenna Jameson


(‘Ain’t love beautiful and totally freaking bizarre, baby?’)

Okay, so that headline might be slightly misleading. All we know for sure is that there is a baby inside Jenna Jameson. How it happened and who’s to blame, that’s all speculation until they go on the Maury Povich show to get the DNA test done. The real question is, when the results are announced, will Tito be the type of guy who launches into a awesomely inappropriate celebration dance? Oh, these timeless questions.

Our friends over at Holy Taco have more on Jenna’s official pregnancy announcement, as well as a hilarious take on what the fateful night of conception must have been like. Naturally, this is followed by a photoshop that will probably condemn you to hell for all eternity just for looking at it. As if you weren’t headed there, anyway.

We can’t help but wonder what kind of child will come out of this union of bodily fluids. Being the progeny of famous people already increases your chances of being a total screw-up in life, even more so than being the progeny of rich people, and this kid will be both.

But beyond that, it will also be the child of two people who are famous for, shall we say, unconventional reasons. Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound.

Could this be the perfect recipe for creating a future MMA star? Maybe. Or else he’ll grow up hating his parents and become an ultra-conservative evangelical preacher who leads aggressive campaigns to outlaw pornography, pro fighting, hastily-thrown-together memoirs, and hair dye. Either way, this child is going to be something special.

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hima- September 15, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Guys you are funny!! Tito's head is really scary
ninahkaye- September 5, 2008 at 10:26 pm
congratulations!!!! there are so many people that are laughing about this, i am glad that jenna and tito are able to be parents! everyone should be able to experience the joy of a child regardless of their occupation! whats sad are the children that grow up in foster care &have parents that are drug addicts! at least this child will be loved and want for nothing! congrats jenna and tito!
tito- August 26, 2008 at 12:09 am
jenna used to be pretty good at the old ground and pound too, perhaps a little too good... they really shouldn't have bred. for the sanity of that child I really hope it's not a girl. no child should have to face ridicule (and graphic evidence) of that nature.
MMAStation- August 25, 2008 at 9:27 pm
"Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound. "

greatest line of all time. I spit my drink on my monitor at work right when the boss walked by.
Acrocerid- August 25, 2008 at 8:14 pm
$10 says it's just some co-star who crawled up there a few years back for tax purposes.

*You heard it here first.
izzy- August 25, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Titos Son Takes over the UFC
Evil Scotsman- August 25, 2008 at 5:49 pm
That unluky big headed baby is going to have to cling on to the sides if it hopes to stay in there for a full 9 months.
TEMPLE- August 25, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Think that genetically huge head the baby is doomed to have will give Jenna a problem at birth?
filtersweep- August 25, 2008 at 4:22 pm
This is a match made in heaven, folks.

There is no other vagina on earth capable of passing a baby that inherits Tito's gigantic melon. Years of training have prepared her for this struggle.
wow- August 25, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Tell me though that you wouldnt want to be this kids prom date later on in life.
Picture going to pick him or her up and Jenna and Tito are waiting for you at the door.
Now that would be unreal.

You: Hi I am hear for your daughter

Jenna: Thats nice, why dont you come in?

You: ......wait what?

Jenna: Um.... Come in?

You: ..... what?

Jenna: COME IN! Already!

You: ...... is Tito home?
JUSTIN- August 25, 2008 at 3:43 pm
....What if it's a girl? That poor little girl is going to have a huge head. It might make her chest look proportional when she gets older.
bfowlkes- August 25, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Thanks, but now I feel upstaged for missing the joke about being comfortable fighting from his back, as Jim pointed out. Now that's called working together on a joke.
JoseMonkey- August 25, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I was about to give you props for the "Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe ..." line, but I see I'm late to the party on that one!

LOL. Good stuff, Ben.
FilmDrunk- August 25, 2008 at 3:28 pm
"Perhaps no other child in the history of the universe will have as many opportunities to get in fights with kids at school who say things about his mother, while also having such great chances to win all those fights via ground-and-pound."
Two gold stars for you.
Jim- August 25, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Okay, I about died laughing at the description of the kid getting into fights but having a great genetic chance to win them. The only thing that's missing is something about how this kid has a good chance at being more comfortable on his back than Ortiz ever was due to his mother's genes.
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