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James Toney Still Hanging Around Like a Bad Smell, Wants Another UFC Shot in Detroit

("Yeah, yeah, the number is the number, now where the f*ck the buffet at?" Photo courtesy of Heavy.)

After James Toney performed about as well as we thought James Toney would at UFC 118 last month, Dana White stated that we’d seen the last of Lights Out in the Octagon. And that may be the case, but it’s not going to stop James from trying. (After all, he got his UFC gig in the first place by being an insufferable pest.) In a new story posted on Fighthype, Toney angles for a spot on the upcoming UFC 123: Rampage vs. Machida card, which will be held near his Detroit hometown. "If they want to sell any tickets in Detroit, they should put me on there," Toney said. "Bitch ass Rampage can’t sell no tickets in my hometown." 

Well that’s not very kind. Keep in mind that James Toney didn’t exactly prove to be a strong live draw himself, as UFC 118 was short a couple thousand seats of a sellout, even with Toney’s presence. And that was in Boston, a fantastic and well-populated city that MMA fans would actually want to travel to. Detroit, on the other hand, is a bombed-out wasteland that you would only pass through as a last resort. According to our own research, the only way to guarantee sales in Detroit is to book either Brock Lesnar or GSP against Violent J or Shaggy 2 Dope.

Here’s my booking idea for James Toney, if Zuffa decides to stay in business with him, God knows why: Put him up against smaller and smaller fighters to determine how much larger a washed-up boxer would need to be to in order to beat a mixed martial artist in a cage-fight. He lost his first UFC match to heavyweight/light-heavyweight legend Randy Couture, which means he should get a credible middleweight next — perhaps Vitor Belfort, who might even agree to keep it standing with him. Toney would work his way down the ladder with every loss until he drops a hard-fought decision to Joseph Benavidez in the WEC. And then he’d be released to Strikeforce, where he’d go on to fight (and lose to) Cris Cyborg, followed by Sarah Kaufman. He would be paid $5,000 for each appearance. Take it or leave it, James, because I don’t see any boxing promoters knocking down your door either.

Cagepotato Comments

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JoseMonkey- September 17, 2010 at 8:52 am
" According to our own research, the only way to guarantee sales in Detroit is to book either Brock Lesnar or GSP against Violent J or Shaggy 2 Dope."

That line really cracked me up.
Harry Nips- September 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm
lol @ Mr_Misanthropy- It's all part of Ted Nugent's master plan.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 16, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Detroit is going to be the first large urban center reclaimed by nature in our modern time.
Abidon- September 16, 2010 at 10:09 am
I'd be willing to get my ass kicked for 2 minutes if I make 500k off it...

Go mumble somewhere else
Harry Nips- September 16, 2010 at 9:39 am
"Detroit, on the other hand, is a bombed-out wasteland that you would only pass through as a last resort."

^^Funny shit. Detroit's population is shrinking faster than my dick in cold water, why would the UFC even be doing a show there? It's mind boggling that James "Mouthful of Mashed Potatoes" Toney hasn't been cut yet, what is the fuckin hold up? I can only assume Dana's waiting for the PPV #'s from UFC 118 to be official. If they did alot of buys then 'the slob' will be getting another fight.
SofaKingNyce- September 16, 2010 at 8:31 am
For money purposes - they need to stick him in there with a striker.
ReX13- September 16, 2010 at 7:35 am
whatever, guys, this shit was hilarious to me.
J-Dog- September 16, 2010 at 6:49 am
I'd like to see a muay thai or other kicking striker fight Toney and kick his head straight off his neck. That would be entertaining. Or someone with crazy unorthodox striking like Jon Jones throwing wild spinning back elbows and shit at him. Welcome back to MMA!
smiledriver- September 15, 2010 at 10:50 pm
I would actually like to see him one more time. See if Randy knocked something loose in Boston. Rampage and Machida is too early though. Put him in there with Matt Mitrione.
Seoul Brother- September 15, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I would love to see someone make James Toney's torso look worse than Tre Tilligman's from strikes.
Ballkick- September 15, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I agree with fbf,....a ban on King Shit of Turd Island.........and why hasn't he been cut?........Dana?
Loretta Cunt- September 15, 2010 at 4:28 pm
save toney for crocop. if i could see toney get coffin kicked i would die a happy man
Jim Harbaugh Scramble- September 15, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Pathetic post, I expect much better than Detroit -bashing from CP. War Detroit and James Toney!
Almost North- September 15, 2010 at 3:41 pm
I'm amazed anyone thinks a Nelson - Toney fight would go any differently than the Kimbo pillow-fist stoppage.
fatbellyfrank- September 15, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Can we get a CP ban on this fat worthless fuck
rpn452- September 15, 2010 at 3:37 pm
I like the idea of Toney vs. Benavidez, just for the humor of watching Toney lose to a bantamweight.

But that will never happen. What could happen is Toney vs. Barry. I'd love to watch Barry lay some shins on Toney.
mybongsnameisgreenmeenie- September 15, 2010 at 2:53 pm
ahhh...a link to violent gay and faggy 2 dope...

(not that there's anything wrong with being homosexual or anything)
El Guapo- September 15, 2010 at 2:35 pm
I want to see a UFC fighter actually stand with Mumbles, nawmsayn? Seeing as how playing into your opponent's ONLY strength isn't very smart considering there are much better options... that probably ain't happening*. So just cut him and be done with it already.

*Even if a Big Country or Vitor was down to go toes with Toney, I gotta think Dana would make damn sure they take his fat ass down and make an example out of him. Again, I mean.
Viva Hate- September 15, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Has Bob Arum commented yet? Crusty old bastard.
Sakuraba3900- September 15, 2010 at 2:22 pm

It would be fun to see that
BassAssasin- September 15, 2010 at 2:20 pm
why hasnt the ufc offcally cut this guy yet?
O Chan- September 15, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Toney vs. Nelson vs. Arianny in a hot-dog eating contest. While Toney and Big Country will be neck and neck for 1st, my bet will be that all eyes will be on Arianny. Now that's something I would touch with a 20 centimeter pole... Now let's get back to the fight.
Loretta Cunt- September 15, 2010 at 2:07 pm
lmao toney vs violent j would sell out in seconds
RwilsonR- September 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I acually would like to see Toney against Mark Hunt, although I wish it were against the granite chinned Mark Hunt of a few years ago, who had about 80 extra pounds on him, and a much thicker skull. I like this, because it would show boxing against kickboxing, and how pathetic Toney would look stumbling around with his legs chopped out from underneath him. Not that I need an answer to boxing vs. kickboxing, but we already knew the answer to boxing vs. MMA, and we still watched that fight.
rearnakedchickenchoke- September 15, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Exactly - Roy Nelson is the next/last fight I'd like to see Toney in. While I'm happy he got dominated in his debut, it would be interesting to see what his hands could actually do with those small gloves and if he could put away someone with a chin like Nelson before getting taken down.