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James Toney Still Has No Idea What He’s Gotten Himself Into

(Striking fear in the hearts of buffet owners everywhere.)

Now that James Toney has signed with the UFC and hired a trainer known primarily for his boxing expertise, you might think he’d be hard at work trying to get a feel for this MMA stuff. If this were a movie, this is the point where some inspiring, upbeat music would accompany a training montage that shows Toney’s rapid improvement in the span of just a few minutes. But this isn’t a movie; this is real life. And in real life, “Lights Out” isn’t really that worried about anyone taking him down and laying on top of him.

As Toney told, he still has yet to do any actual MMA sparring, but has been shown some “basics” by Juanito Ibarra. He’s also “tried a little kickboxing and wrestling,” but isn’t too concerned since it’s “all hand-to-hand combat.” In other words, don’t even trip. Toney has got this under control, playa.

His dismissive attitude toward the ground game and total lack of a sense of urgency about learning MMA in general might be a little more disconcerting if Toney were expected to face an experienced fighter in his UFC debut. But as the rumor mill continues to churn, more and more reports have Kimbo Slice as a potential first opponent.

On Friday Matt Mitrione, who’s currently scheduled to take on Slice at UFC 113 in Montreal, told the Las Vegas Sun that he had “no clue” if his bout with ‘Ferg was still on, saying:

"To be truly honest, I haven’t heard a thing from the UFC, and it’s frustrating me. It’s my understanding that it took awhile to get his paperwork signed, but I’m sure it’s signed. …I texted Joe Silva (Thursday) night and asked what was happening, if there was any danger of this being cancelled. His response was basically that nothing was official and that I should keep preparing — that I’m still fighting in Montreal."

It seems as though the rumors that Kimbo might be pulled out of the fight to take on Toney had Mitrione spooked, as he concluded: "Where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire."

Toney doesn’t seem too excited about the prospect of fighting Kimbo, saying that he didn’t sign with the UFC “to be in a sideshow.” But if he’s expecting someone a little closer to the Randy Couture end of the MMA spectrum, he might want to get more serious about learning the ground game, and fast.  If he’s planning to make his debut on a pay-per-view event this summer, as he claims, there’s precious little time to become an expert at sprawl-and-brawl.

Cagepotato Comments

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flash237- March 9, 2010 at 10:31 am
your mom called me baby
bigskymma- March 9, 2010 at 10:10 am
Can we just match this jackass up against JDS/Carwin/Other large wrestler. Let's put this joker away.
robthom- March 9, 2010 at 2:01 am
Durden is correct:

"Kimbo vs. Mitrione at UFC 113 official
by Thomas Gerbasi

"The Kimbo Slive vs Matt Mitrione bout which was rumored to be at UFC 113, and then falsely rumored to be pulled from leading to speculation that James Toney was replacing Mitrione, is now official."

This is good news.
1. No Toney/Kimbo
2. Mitrione is gonna spank him.

3. The Toney mystery narrows down, yet becomes even more intriguing.
robthom- March 9, 2010 at 1:47 am
"Kimbo is famous because a shitload of youtube-using Americans enjoyed watching a living, breathing, black masculine stereotype beat up people who had no chance against him."

The ole "black beast".
Its a murikan institution.
Dr.- March 9, 2010 at 12:09 am
Toney versus Kimbo is fucking retarded. Talk about a letdown.

If the UFC puts that together much respect will be lost.

Kimbo has mediocre boxing and limited takedown and ground game. I'll be surprised if he gets Toney down before a bomb puts him away - not that Toney needs to put much behind a strike to KO Mr. Glassjaw.

Who the fuck is the genius asking for this? Even Toney knows it's a joke.
T_Durden- March 8, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Ok, we can all shut up about Ferg and Toney getting on for now. The Kimbo/Meathead fight was just officially added on to the UFC 113 line up.

No word yet, on who will be the first one to experience the unveiling of the side check kick.
4th and Schlong- March 8, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Everyone who is talking Cro Cop must be stuck in 2006 because his UFC stint has been laughable, for god sakes he just retired 2 fights ago, and admitted he didn't want to hurt his last opponent. Not to say he couldnt beat a James Toney but I think WE Potato Nation! as back seat match makers, should take no chances. Thats right, Im talkin' Brock Lesnar Vs. James Toney for the Heavy weight Strap, Summer or 2010. Leap frog Frank Mir, Shane Carwin, Cane, and the whole lot of em. Shit James Toney has earned this opportunity, don't beleive me? Just ask him....

On a side note, no one gives Melvin Manhoef this musch shit... just sayin. Toney has a martial art, a very effective one, let him test it. He doesnt deserve to be in the UFC, but neither did Brock Lesnar, you know...The champ.
Randy Pan- March 8, 2010 at 6:30 pm
There are a lot of funny comments on this thread. This topic has generated a lot of interest.

James Toney is not even a tenth of the freakshow that Kimbo is. Kimbo is only famous because of Youtube, not because he's good at fighting. In all of the his street fights, he mercilessly beat the hell out of two types of opponents: (1) big fat dudes, (2) significantly smaller dudes. Kimbo is famous because a shitload of youtube-using Americans enjoyed watching a living, breathing, black masculine stereotype beat up people who had no chance against him. Then he used his fame to leap-frog into MMA, fought a few freak-show fights before getting KTFO by a fighter from a smaller weight-class, and Dana White scooped him up for TV ratings and raw freakshow appeal. He got embarrassed by Big Country on TUF, showed slightly more versatility in his awful stupid fight against Houston Alexander, and is probably going to be embarrassed again by a Mitrione.

In short, for the absurd amount of attention he receives, Kimbo sucks as a fighter, and James Toney would/will wreck him. Kimbo is only popular, in my opinion, because of the mythology in American culture surrounding masculinity and urban minorities.
A Body Like Chucks- March 8, 2010 at 6:25 pm
JT cant even get his weight under control let alone the "mma basics".
Babs- March 8, 2010 at 4:15 pm
It doesn't matter who he fights, it's going to end very badly and Dana White is going to be ringside attempting to pull out his hair; he'll get into his danacopter and mosey on over to the office and burn Toney's contract and cry in the corner until he falls asleep. Even if he was 100% focused on his preparation, at his age it just won't happen for him. After Randy Couture throttled Mark Coleman it became somehow more obvious that Randy is NOT your typical old man river and it does not really give other over the hill fighters any hope. Even if Kimbo is his opponent, he'll attempt a telegraphed take down from the outside miles away, and you'll watch Toney in awe as he somehow is forced into that homo grapplin' shit. It will be a sad sight to watch.
Carl Sagan- March 8, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Something tells me Tony is using tactics. That's not to say that he'll be good at MMA, but Juanito trained a former champion. Tony will know how to sprawl, but he won't be able to show it because he'll be too busy trying to punch. His 3-4 months of training won't be enough to prepare him for the MMA big leagues.
budsellers- March 8, 2010 at 3:18 pm
macwiener would be a good matchup too. i do not mind seeing mumbles win a fight against a real d-bag like that!
RPS13- March 8, 2010 at 3:03 pm
blame this whole james tony shit on ray mercer/tim sylvia
DazedNConfused- March 8, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I believe they stated Toney will eventually fight at 205. That's what his plans are. He walks around at about 220 or something.
El Guapo- March 8, 2010 at 2:45 pm
You know, we're making this way too complicated! What with the commisions, weight classes, hypothetical matchups and such. Kimbo-Mumbles it is.

Over/under time, folks. How long till they both gas badly, we say "Fuuuuuck this" and change it to Strikeforce? Not trying to be a Debbie Downer or anything, but let's be honest here. Mumbles looks pregnant with twins and Ferg's arthritic knees prevent him from conditioning properly. I'll say midway through the 2nd..
T_Durden- March 8, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Todd Duffee...? Too much potential value to the UFC to put him up against this fat ass?
Yeti Stomp- March 8, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Let Wes Sims fight him. Sims' head will be punched clean off of his body, and if he survives that, he'll relaize it's all over for him, where he'll retire to his cardboard box under the bridge where he lives and kill himself. Finally. And that, in an indirect way, will be the first octagon fatality. We just need the old Chinese guy to be standing over him when he dies to say, "F A T A L I T Y."
findynasty- March 8, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Maybe the reason Dana signed Toney was because he is paying James in gum.
Superstar Khan- March 8, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Guys lets be serious..

if he's going to fight its going to be at 205 or heavy weight.. (i doubt the 205 but whatever) So we have to look at fighters in those weight classes anything else is wack.

at 205 - Forrest.. ( he'll kick the shit out of toney)
at heavy - Crocop ( for all reasons listed above)

for this whole athletic commisions talk

at 205 - jon jones ( if he loses) or ryan bader-> that would just be mean to lights out
at heavy - james McWEENIE.. im sure that could go thru.. and if mcweenie loses.. who cares that guys a deuchbag..
jimbonics- March 8, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Yeti, it wasn't really beating cro cop that made him think he was bad ass, it was more the way he beat cro cop that gave him his captain insane-o adrenaline rush.
Yeti Stomp- March 8, 2010 at 1:45 pm
That's it! Gonzaga. Can't stand the guy myself - I think he's a fucking gorilla who thinks he's allathat + a bag of chips, just because he's huge and brazilian. Put him against someone who has any skill and is not on the downslope of his career and he's finished.

But Mumbles, or Fat Fuck as I call him, is perfect. Perfect because Gonzaga will take him down and pull his intestines out of his belly button. Then he's gonna do that Captain Insane-O face he does when he wins, and he's gonna think he's all badass like he did after he beat Cro Cop.

Then, just for fun Silva's gonna give him a shot against a real heavyweight, he'll get crushed again and we won't see him for two years. I don't like Gonzaga at all, but he makes a good case for the mutant factor.

When the fight's over, and Mumbles is on his back staring at the ceiling wondering what the fuck just happened, the coup de grace would be for Gonzaga to take a Big Mac and stuff it in Toney's mouth, as he lays there reflecting on how much of a douche he is.
robthom- March 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Budsellers has a good point about the athletic commissions. I hadn't even considered that.

Crocop would be an interesting fight, but he's got a gang of MMA experience. Maybe for the 2nd or third fight if Toney looks good and shows something in the first one. But it sounds smacking of irresponsible to throw a first time MMA novice in a fight with CroCop.

My jackson idea probably wouldn't work right out of the gate either for the same reason.

As sleazy as it sounds it might end up having to be Kimbo.
youngblood- March 8, 2010 at 1:10 pm
How much money would we all have to pitch in for Buffer to bring back the 360 and announce him as "James Mumbles TOOOOONNNNEEEYYYYYY."
whitey- March 8, 2010 at 1:03 pm
crocop is barely motivated to fight anyone. he already said that he finds himself thinking about fishing in croatia while he is in the cage. i say give him penn. bj will FUCK HIM UP! i dont care about weight class either. it would be even more of an embarrasment if fat toney got beat by a smaller fighter. i really don't care who he fights i just want him embarrased.
mt59801- March 8, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Start slow, give him Irvin, Gonzaga, then Cro-Cop, and throw in a little Mir so he can understand this whole submission thing