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Jay Larkin: What an Asshole

IFL MMA
(Quit it, you homos!)

IFL CEO Jay Larkin is no stranger to making crybaby speeches when things aren’t going so well. But with the IFL canceling events until further notice, and with its publicly traded stock currently hovering at two fucking pennies (down from $17 per share in January 2007), it’s not going to get much worse than this, business-wise. Larkin knows it, which gives him the freedom to say whatever pops into his head, no matter how gross it makes him look.

Business magazine Portfolio just published a profile on IFL’s current tailspin, in which it revealed that the company is now on the auction block for a cool million. Here’s the third paragraph, which follows a description of a recent IFL fight, written in wildly purple prose:

Jay Larkin surveys the inaction with a weary, seen-it-all expression. “This isn’t my idea of fighting,” he says of the world’s fastest-growing spectator sport. “To me, two guys rolling around on the floor is tedious, like watching gay foreplay.”

Wow. And this guy runs an MMA league? He sounds like your average message-board troll. Later, presumably after a few more whisky-sodas, Larkin drops another gem:

“Our so-called friends in the M.M.A. [mixed martial arts] world are telling people that the I.F.L. is going out of business,” says Larkin. “I like to tell people you can’t spell fuck without U.F.C.”

Glug, glug. Luckily, it’s over for this man. Maybe he could go back to boxing, where things are simpler, and less similar to gay foreplay. I guess the demise of the IFL should be lamentable, but it’s hard to work up even a shred of sympathy for such a deluded dickhead. Anyway, read the article, which also contains the following highlights:

— Even IFL co-founder Gareb Shamus calls MMA “Ultimate Fighting.”

— By the end of October 2007, the IFL’s MyNetwork TV broadcasts were pulling in about 362,000 viewers (barely registering on the Nielsen scale), and their average age (49) was almost twice that of the typical UFC fan.

— Despite spending far more money than they’re taking in, Larkin still says the IFL is “debt-free.”

(Props to Steve at WallStreetFighter for the heads-up.)

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wow- June 15, 2008 at 9:31 pm
you have to admit that's pretty damn funny.. "gay foreplay"
lolwut- June 13, 2008 at 7:50 pm
rear naked anal is the most commonly used maneuver in gay foreplay fyi.
SirOcelot- June 13, 2008 at 8:09 am
Dude I am SO going to buy 51% of their stock and kick all the management out, and hire new people. Hmm I bet you anything I can put on a better show than that nasty Gary Shaw.
Ronny M- June 13, 2008 at 5:18 am
Wow! I have no clue Jay Larkin has such a negative view of mixed martial arts. With an attitude like that, it's no surprise his league is going out of business. In addition, the decision to move your event to a network that a majority of Americans don't have, and create gimmicks that fail as quickly as they start shows folks you don't have an idea of how to make an MMA promotion works. Let us hope the good fighter in the IFL find work elsewhere.
KTFO- June 13, 2008 at 2:42 am
What about the Hex? Does this mean we won't get to see the Hex? Why god, WHY?!
SiDeBuRnZ- June 13, 2008 at 12:13 am
well played, sir.
Shane- June 12, 2008 at 9:58 pm
You can't spell FAIL without I.F.L.
Kim Couture is a cunt- June 12, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Chris Horedecki looks like he is in gay porn as the twinkie man boy on the bottom. GROSS.
NealTaflinger- June 12, 2008 at 8:34 pm
"Larkin also outed himself as a selfish lover." lulz

What a dickbag. He must be into leather daddies if he thinks that being choked into submission is a precursor to intercourse. Your promotion sucks, your TV production sucks, cry us all a river and blow that bad larry up so that your good fighters can start their "Welcome to the WEC" orientation.
Dex- June 12, 2008 at 8:10 pm
When you hear Dana making those NASCAR compairsons saying "Hey let's start out own racing league" douches like the ppl that run the IFL is who he's talking about. These guys just jumped off the couch or something and said, "Hey, the UFC makes money let's start an MMA league."
bpd- June 12, 2008 at 7:52 pm
"Tedious like gay foreplay"?

People. Gay, straight, bi, whatver you got...

If foreplay is tedious, you're doing it wrong. Larkin also outed himself as a selfish lover. I'm sure he blames it on his company's fanbase.
sonny smith- June 12, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Ha! Ha! I have had gay foreplay with Larkin and rolling around together is exactly what we did!! That is funny. Seriously, that guy is great in the sack!
tully- June 12, 2008 at 7:50 pm
thats actually what girls always say when i watch mma with them. "this is so gay, they're just just like humping eachother ohemgee lol idk my bff jill" or something to that effect. but yah the tone of those comments strikes me as drunk and defeated. i just get a picture of this scraggly hobo swigging from a paper bag telling strangers "you know i was once the owner of the ifl" to which they reply "ya right old man, get a job" or even better "whats the ifl?". i mean of course he wouldnt be homeless, thats just kind of the mood of his comments.

but i sorta liked the team aspect of ifl i think it would be fun to watch elite fighters do that. if the ufc took their 2 best of every weight class like once a year or something and made teams and had like a sort of all-star game that might be pretty badass. but it would be really difficult to schedule.

and for something completely unrelated celtics went up 3-1 over the lakers last night. booyah.
DonnyG- June 12, 2008 at 7:13 pm
"you can’t spell fuck without U.F.C.”

Oh yeah, well you can't spell "poorly executed attempt at a fight organization" without I.F.L.
Myles Kilometers- June 12, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Also...if they advertised it as "gay foreplay" they'd probably get more viewers since there isn't much available in that genre on TV.

On a completely unrelated note...the picture for this article is giving me a rod.
RED- June 12, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I'm sure Larkin knows all about gay foreplay.
Myles Kilometers- June 12, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Poorly run businesses tend to not survive...regardless of the business they're in. Another promotion will come along (like Affliction) that will avoid some of the mistakes that the IFL made and the sport as a whole will be better for it.

As for Larkin...what a mo.
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