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Jon Jones vs. Vladimir Matyushenko: Head to Head

(Pay no attention to the two dudes lurking in the background…)

Light-heavyweight wunderkind Jon Jones and grizzled old vet Vladimir Matyushenko face off next Sunday at UFC Live: Jones vs. Matyushenko, August 1st in San Diego. At first, we were quick to write off this matchup as a gift for Bones, but nothing is guaranteed in this crazy sport. Let’s dive into the stats and see who really holds the advantages…

Jones: 23
Matyushenko: 39
Advantage: Jones

Jones: "Bones"
Matyushenko: "The Janitor"
Advantage: Jones. You already know how we feel about Vlad’s nickname.

Jones: Over two years
Matyushenko: Almost 13 years
Advantage: Matyushenko. The Janitor probably owns jock-straps that have logged more cage-time than Jones.

Jones: Headlining the UFC’s first card on Versus and breaking Brandon Vera‘s face in three places.
Matyushenko: Becoming the IFL’s first light-heavyweight champion, and successfully defending the belt before the organization folded.
Advantage: Even. Matyushenko can say he’s a former champion. But Jones can say he destroyed Brandon Vera’s face. It kind of depends on where your priorities lie.

Jones: His DQ loss to Matt Hamill at the TUF 10 Finale. Still, it was a lot uglier for Hamill.
Matyushenko: Getting knocked out by Antonio Rogerio Nogueira at Affliction: Day of Reckoning while his groin muscle was completely torn off the bone.
Advantage: Jones, who still hasn’t been beaten by another man in the cage.

Jones: Jackson’s MMA
Matyushenko: His own school, VMat Gym
Advantage: Jones, obviously.

Jones: Iowa Central Community College in Fort Dodge, Iowa.
Matyushenko: Lassen College in Susanville, California.
Advantage: Matyushenko. Everybody knows that the poetry department at Lassen is far superior to ICCC’s.

Jones: ‘UFC Undisputed 2010
Matyushenko: ‘EA MMA 2010
Advantage: Even. We haven’t played the EA game yet so we’ll reserve judgment. Though we will say that the EA game features Bas Rutten and Rickson Gracie.

Jones: 84.5 inches
Matyushenko: 74 inches
Advantage: Jones by 10.5 inches. Damn, son.

Jones: Two daughters; a two-year-old and a seven-month old.
Matyushenko: At least one son, Roman, who trains with him.
Advantage: Matyushenko. Everybody knows that each son is worth 2.5 daughters. (Kidding! Or am I!)

Jones: Not that we know of.
Matyushenko: WTF?
Advantage: Matyushenko somehow steals the category!

Final tally: Jones outpoints Matyushenko 5-4-2, which according to our calculations translates to a TKO victory in the second round. Sorry Janitor-fans, but you can’t argue with science.

Cagepotato Comments

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ramie78- July 23, 2010 at 6:48 am
Vladmiir is no slouch when it comes to fighting and anyone that thinks this will be a walk in the park for Jones with be surprised when he come out with a hard fought decision win come UFC On Versus 2. Matyushen is a two-time National Junior College champion at Lassen College and was the IFL LW Champion, he maybe 39 but I wouldn't sleep on him and Jones shouldn't either.
Almost North- July 22, 2010 at 11:07 pm
I think "fuck everybody" is the point of polygamy, and by extension it's porter.
luisterrijk- July 22, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Fuck everybody, they make beer in utah... not the mormons that is, but polygamy porter is the shit
just some dong- July 22, 2010 at 8:51 pm
You forgot to quantify facial hair. VMat all the way, bitches!
Merlin- July 22, 2010 at 4:34 pm
JBJ all the way!
Cool name or not Vladimir "the Custodial Artists" Matyushenko is going down.
Almost North- July 22, 2010 at 4:30 pm
*cues up Canadian national anthem*
DazedNConfused- July 22, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Bones is such a horrible nickname. I like the Janitor.
DazedNConfused- July 22, 2010 at 4:28 pm
@ justscrappin'

Molson Black Ice. That'll grow some hair on those baby nuts.
And that's when I'm hungover and don't feel like buying any more Xtra Golds
Coors is horrible. I can drink 15 of those before I can even crack my 7th or 8th Black Ice.

Canadians are good at 3 things:

1) Making good strong beer
2) Growing amazing buds
3) Using 1,2 to get fucked riiiight up.
Patrick- July 22, 2010 at 3:58 pm
The Janitor is a way cooler nickname than Bones.
Almost North- July 22, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Dogfish Head if you've never had it. I'd stab a man in front of his own mother for a frosty pint of the 90 minute IPA when it gets to 100 degrees here.
justscrappin- July 22, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Ballkick...what american beer have you had? We have plenty of microbreweries in the states that produce amazing beers. I live in Wester New York....and we have Southern Tier...who puts out some ridiculous Ipa's. We also have Ithaca...we have Sierra Nevada out West. Flying Dog out West....seriously do your homework. Also please enlighten me on what is a good microbrewery in Canada. Cuz Labatt and Molson are basically just glorified Budweiser and Coors.
Almost North- July 22, 2010 at 2:19 pm
One Two- July 22, 2010 at 2:13 pm
@ Boss Nasty

I'm just not buying or boarding the new Jon (weedsnitch) Jones Hype train, Vladys a vet with a shit load of fights and wins, he's a bad ass Wrestler, and all around just tougher, Jones ain't really done shit and everyone thinks he's the next messiah, fuck him. Vlady was hurt when nog kicked his ass, Arlovskis his only other real loss. hes gonna pound Bones face in.
Ballkick- July 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm
I'll put Canadian beer up against SoCal, Utah, Milwaukee beer any day. American beer tastes like recycled Canadian beer piss water. JMO....and no I've never drank piss water ask Lyota.
MoonBelly- July 22, 2010 at 2:03 pm
North look what you started... the damn card is in San Diego kids. Now if you want good beer come on down to SoCal.

"...face off next Sunday at UFC Live: Jones vs. Matyushenko, August 1st in San Diego."
nooger- July 22, 2010 at 1:55 pm
In dry dry dry month for MMA, you manage to crank out an interesting article. Kudos!
ReX13- July 22, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Stak40 Says:

Do they make you wear funny underwear when you drink it?

Kid Clam Curtains- July 22, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Jones has jesus on his side. +1 Janitor.
BossNasty- July 22, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Anyone have any names of beer native to Utah?
Stak40- July 22, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Do they make you wear funny underwear when you drink it?
Stak40- July 22, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Dont you have to join some club or some shit to drink it in Utah. All the mormons i know only drink if there are no other mormons in a 2 mile radius and thats after thep popped like 12 xanxs. But the fact that they make beer in Utah flabbergasts me.
fiveforfive- July 22, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Almost North- July 22, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Yes and if you ask the Mormons very nicely they might let you have some. I hear its pretty good.
Stak40- July 22, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Hold the fuck on. They make beer in Utah?
Almost North- July 22, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Vlad by white-oplata. This is Utah after all.

Just kidding Utah defender squad. (At least I didnt make fun of the beer this time)