(Pay no attention to the two dudes lurking in the background…)

Light-heavyweight wunderkind Jon Jones and grizzled old vet Vladimir Matyushenko face off next Sunday at UFC Live: Jones vs. Matyushenko, August 1st in San Diego. At first, we were quick to write off this matchup as a gift for Bones, but nothing is guaranteed in this crazy sport. Let’s dive into the stats and see who really holds the advantages…

AGE
Jones: 23
Matyushenko: 39
Advantage: Jones

NICKNAME
Jones: "Bones"
Matyushenko: "The Janitor"
Advantage: Jones. You already know how we feel about Vlad’s nickname.

TIME SPENT AS A PRO
Jones: Over two years
Matyushenko: Almost 13 years
Advantage: Matyushenko. The Janitor probably owns jock-straps that have logged more cage-time than Jones.

CAREER HIGHLIGHT
Jones: Headlining the UFC’s first card on Versus and breaking Brandon Vera‘s face in three places.
Matyushenko: Becoming the IFL’s first light-heavyweight champion, and successfully defending the belt before the organization folded.
Advantage: Even. Matyushenko can say he’s a former champion. But Jones can say he destroyed Brandon Vera’s face. It kind of depends on where your priorities lie.


UGLIEST DEFEAT
Jones: His DQ loss to Matt Hamill at the TUF 10 Finale. Still, it was a lot uglier for Hamill.
Matyushenko: Getting knocked out by Antonio Rogerio Nogueira at Affliction: Day of Reckoning while his groin muscle was completely torn off the bone.
Advantage: Jones, who still hasn’t been beaten by another man in the cage.

TRAINS AT…
Jones: Jackson’s MMA
Matyushenko: His own school, VMat Gym
Advantage: Jones, obviously.

WAS A NATIONAL JUNIOR COLLEGE WRESTLING CHAMPION AT…
Jones: Iowa Central Community College in Fort Dodge, Iowa.
Matyushenko: Lassen College in Susanville, California.
Advantage: Matyushenko. Everybody knows that the poetry department at Lassen is far superior to ICCC’s.

IS A PLAYABLE CHARACTER IN:
Jones: ‘UFC Undisputed 2010‘
Matyushenko: ‘EA MMA 2010‘
Advantage: Even. We haven’t played the EA game yet so we’ll reserve judgment. Though we will say that the EA game features Bas Rutten and Rickson Gracie.

REACH:
Jones: 84.5 inches
Matyushenko: 74 inches
Advantage: Jones by 10.5 inches. Damn, son.

CHILDREN:
Jones: Two daughters; a two-year-old and a seven-month old.
Matyushenko: At least one son, Roman, who trains with him.
Advantage: Matyushenko. Everybody knows that each son is worth 2.5 daughters. (Kidding! Or am I!)

HAS ATTENDED THE BET AWARDS
Jones: Not that we know of.
Matyushenko: WTF?
Advantage: Matyushenko somehow steals the category!

Final tally: Jones outpoints Matyushenko 5-4-2, which according to our calculations translates to a TKO victory in the second round. Sorry Janitor-fans, but you can’t argue with science.