(Pay no attention to the two dudes lurking in the background…)
Light-heavyweight wunderkind Jon Jones and grizzled old vet Vladimir Matyushenko face off next Sunday at UFC Live: Jones vs. Matyushenko, August 1st in San Diego. At first, we were quick to write off this matchup as a gift for Bones, but nothing is guaranteed in this crazy sport. Let’s dive into the stats and see who really holds the advantages…
AGE
Jones: 23
Matyushenko: 39
Advantage: Jones
NICKNAME
Jones: "Bones"
Matyushenko: "The Janitor"
Advantage: Jones. You already know how we feel about Vlad’s nickname.
TIME SPENT AS A PRO
Jones: Over two years
Matyushenko: Almost 13 years
Advantage: Matyushenko. The Janitor probably owns jock-straps that have logged more cage-time than Jones.
CAREER HIGHLIGHT
Jones: Headlining the UFC’s first card on Versus and breaking Brandon Vera‘s face in three places.
Matyushenko: Becoming the IFL’s first light-heavyweight champion, and successfully defending the belt before the organization folded.
Advantage: Even. Matyushenko can say he’s a former champion. But Jones can say he destroyed Brandon Vera’s face. It kind of depends on where your priorities lie.
UGLIEST DEFEAT
Jones: His DQ loss to Matt Hamill at the TUF 10 Finale. Still, it was a lot uglier for Hamill.
Matyushenko: Getting knocked out by Antonio Rogerio Nogueira at Affliction: Day of Reckoning while his groin muscle was completely torn off the bone.
Advantage: Jones, who still hasn’t been beaten by another man in the cage.
TRAINS AT…
Jones: Jackson’s MMA
Matyushenko: His own school, VMat Gym
Advantage: Jones, obviously.
WAS A NATIONAL JUNIOR COLLEGE WRESTLING CHAMPION AT…
Jones: Iowa Central Community College in Fort Dodge, Iowa.
Matyushenko: Lassen College in Susanville, California.
Advantage: Matyushenko. Everybody knows that the poetry department at Lassen is far superior to ICCC’s.
IS A PLAYABLE CHARACTER IN:
Jones: ‘UFC Undisputed 2010‘
Matyushenko: ‘EA MMA 2010‘
Advantage: Even. We haven’t played the EA game yet so we’ll reserve judgment. Though we will say that the EA game features Bas Rutten and Rickson Gracie.
REACH:
Jones: 84.5 inches
Matyushenko: 74 inches
Advantage: Jones by 10.5 inches. Damn, son.
CHILDREN:
Jones: Two daughters; a two-year-old and a seven-month old.
Matyushenko: At least one son, Roman, who trains with him.
Advantage: Matyushenko. Everybody knows that each son is worth 2.5 daughters. (Kidding! Or am I!)
HAS ATTENDED THE BET AWARDS
Jones: Not that we know of.
Matyushenko: WTF?
Advantage: Matyushenko somehow steals the category!
Final tally: Jones outpoints Matyushenko 5-4-2, which according to our calculations translates to a TKO victory in the second round. Sorry Janitor-fans, but you can’t argue with science.
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Comments
Thu, 07/22/10 - 12:45
Lassen Poetry Dept +7
Thu, 07/22/10 - 12:54
Bones will win via hodoken.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 12:59
Where's the category for being a fucking narc? Advantage--Bones -3pts In college -3pts for WEED? -20pts translation -- Bones gets knocked out on the steps of the octogon via 40 bottle from the crowd.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:08
You guys did little to no research for this article, Matyushenko was the date of Star Jones to the BET awards in 2001. There have been internet rumors for years of a sex tape. From what I have heard it is similar to 2 girls 1 cup meets Friday with a little bit of the Hunt for Red October.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:09
I hope that Bones loses... I love ridiculous upsets
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:10
You would think Vladdy would want to be called "the custodian" as opposed to janitor. Sounds more professional imo.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:11
Jones via being in his prime and Vlad being brought in to lose
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:16
Vera had tons of experience as well, but that didn't stop bones from smearing his face all over the mat. Hamill is no slouch either, but both those men have needed replacement faces after their date with Bonesy.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:18
Vladys gonna mop the floor with that punk kid. Put your money down, No way bones upsets him unless he's hurt.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:21
I like watching Jones fight...but I keep forgetting about his Narcing.....that shit is wack.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:22
@ 1.2 Though bones is a bitch ass for being a rat, what in all that's holy have you seen to think there will be any outcome other than bones fuckin your boy up?
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:24
Vlad by white-oplata. This is Utah after all. Just kidding Utah defender squad. (At least I didnt make fun of the beer this time)
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:25
Hold the fuck on. They make beer in Utah?
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:28
Yes and if you ask the Mormons very nicely they might let you have some. I hear its pretty good.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:29
BOOOOOO "THE JANITOR" IS P4P #1 UNDISPUTED NICKNAME
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:32
Dont you have to join some club or some shit to drink it in Utah. All the mormons i know only drink if there are no other mormons in a 2 mile radius and thats after thep popped like 12 xanxs. But the fact that they make beer in Utah flabbergasts me.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:34
Anyone have any names of beer native to Utah?
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:34
Do they make you wear funny underwear when you drink it?
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:42
Jones has jesus on his side. +1 Janitor.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:44
Stak40 Says: Do they make you wear funny underwear when you drink it? +1
Thu, 07/22/10 - 01:55
In dry dry dry month for MMA, you manage to crank out an interesting article. Kudos!
Thu, 07/22/10 - 02:03
North look what you started... the damn card is in San Diego kids. Now if you want good beer come on down to SoCal. "...face off next Sunday at UFC Live: Jones vs. Matyushenko, August 1st in San Diego."
Thu, 07/22/10 - 02:09
I'll put Canadian beer up against SoCal, Utah, Milwaukee beer any day. American beer tastes like recycled Canadian beer piss water. JMO....and no I've never drank piss water ask Lyota.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 02:13
@ Boss Nasty I'm just not buying or boarding the new Jon (weedsnitch) Jones Hype train, Vladys a vet with a shit load of fights and wins, he's a bad ass Wrestler, and all around just tougher, Jones ain't really done shit and everyone thinks he's the next messiah, fuck him. Vlady was hurt when nog kicked his ass, Arlovskis his only other real loss. hes gonna pound Bones face in.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 02:19
Oops.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 02:24
Ballkick...what american beer have you had? We have plenty of microbreweries in the states that produce amazing beers. I live in Wester New York....and we have Southern Tier...who puts out some ridiculous Ipa's. We also have Ithaca...we have Sierra Nevada out West. Flying Dog out West....seriously do your homework. Also please enlighten me on what is a good microbrewery in Canada. Cuz Labatt and Molson are basically just glorified Budweiser and Coors.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 03:48
Dogfish Head if you've never had it. I'd stab a man in front of his own mother for a frosty pint of the 90 minute IPA when it gets to 100 degrees here.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 03:58
The Janitor is a way cooler nickname than Bones.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 04:28
@ justscrappin' Molson Black Ice. That'll grow some hair on those baby nuts. And that's when I'm hungover and don't feel like buying any more Xtra Golds Coors is horrible. I can drink 15 of those before I can even crack my 7th or 8th Black Ice. Canadians are good at 3 things: 1) Making good strong beer 2) Growing amazing buds 3) Using 1,2 to get fucked riiiight up.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 04:29
Bones is such a horrible nickname. I like the Janitor.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 04:30
*cues up Canadian national anthem*
Thu, 07/22/10 - 04:34
JBJ all the way! Cool name or not Vladimir "the Custodial Artists" Matyushenko is going down.
Thu, 07/22/10 - 08:51
You forgot to quantify facial hair. VMat all the way, bitches!
Thu, 07/22/10 - 09:29
Fuck everybody, they make beer in utah... not the mormons that is, but polygamy porter is the shit
Thu, 07/22/10 - 11:07
I think "fuck everybody" is the point of polygamy, and by extension it's porter.
Fri, 07/23/10 - 06:48
Vladmiir is no slouch when it comes to fighting and anyone that thinks this will be a walk in the park for Jones with be surprised when he come out with a hard fought decision win come UFC On Versus 2. Matyushen is a two-time National Junior College champion at Lassen College and was the IFL LW Champion, he maybe 39 but I wouldn't sleep on him and Jones shouldn't either.
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