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Josh Barnett Draws One Scary Looking Sumbitch for His Final Strikeforce Appearance


(DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO THE GIRL, JUST DON’T HURT ME.) 

Meet Nandor “The Hun” Guelmino, a.k.a the man Josh Barnett will face in his final Strikeforce appearance at the hilariously mistitled Strikeforce: Champions event on January 12th. As you might have noticed, he is a terrifying individual who looks something like the freakish offspring of The Tall Man, The Silver Surfer, Imhotep, and an eighty pound bag of cement. With a record of 11-3, Guelmino has collected 7 straight victories not by consuming the souls of his opponents before pulling their spinal chords through their assholes as one would imagine, but rather by two earthly TKO’s, three submissions, and a pair of decisions. At 6’3” and just over 230 pounds, perhaps the most freakish thing about Guelmino is that he will actually be giving away some size to Barnett, who usually weighs in at just under 250lbs.

Having collected 6 victories by way of submission, it will be interesting to see how Guelmino will deals with the aggressive grappling attack of a guy like Barnett. My prediction: By lifting Barnett above his head, putting him in The Torture Rack, and spiking him through the canvas like a football. He will then grab the microphone from Gus Johnson and proclaim himself to be Ashta, Devourer of Worlds before unleashing a hellish sand monster in his likeness that descends upon the audience and wipes them out in one final flurry. Despite the massive loss of life, the moment will ultimately be declared a bit of redemption for Strikeforce.

Although Guelmino may not hold any victories over any notable opponents — and in fact, was defeated by his only notable opponent in Semmy Schilt back in 2008 — he hasn’t exactly been fighting a bunch of cans. I mean sure, there’s a few in there, but Guelmino is fresh off a victory over the 19-5 Emil Zahariev and fought to a draw with a dude named Atilla “The Machine” Ucar. Huh. Seems like a real missed opportunity there.

Anyway, check out a few of Guelmino’s more recent fights below and let us know how good of a chance you think he stands on a scale of The Diaz brothers vs. MMA judges to Anderson Silva vs. Stephan Bonnar, with Guelmino being Silva in the latter.

Guelmino vs. Sasa Lazic 

Guelmino vs. Ivo Cuk

Guelmino vs. Ajlin Ahmic 

-J. Jones

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Mr_Misanthropy- November 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Callin me a dog, well leave a dog alone
Cause nuthin can stop me from buryin' my bone
In the back yard of someone else's house
Ol' Dirt Dog, but I'm not dogged out
Here comes Rover, sniffin' at your ass
But pardon me bitch, as I shit on your grass
That means ho, you been shitted on
I'm not the first dog that shitted on your lawn!


Mr_Misanthropy- November 30, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Barnett will put this clown in his pipe and smoke him.
dipsetkilla316- November 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm
@amsterdamheavy on the cock sucking I have no clue wat u said. Do you ya, clueless? I already shited on u do u have anything smart, or funny to say no na, clueless?
amsterdamheavy- November 30, 2012 at 11:29 am
@dipshitshit: do you ya, clueless?
crappiefloper- November 30, 2012 at 10:09 am
"snuggle submit" is now added to my list of go to phrases.
Oh,wtf is "jumped the shark"
And suck a dick cause your moms a slut!
Naw....just doest seem to fit. I'll keep at it
dipsetkilla316- November 30, 2012 at 9:32 am
BURNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dipsetkilla316- November 30, 2012 at 9:30 am
Hahahaha jk dont kill urself
dipsetkilla316- November 30, 2012 at 9:29 am
Amsterdamnheavy on the cock sucking, yes i do i lift ur mom up, and while she rides my cock. Btw that a very gay qestion to ask, u must be one of those muscle headed assholes, that stares in the mirror all day, couse u have self-conscious issues. Awwwwwwww were u a fatty mcfat ass as a kid.
amsterdamheavy- November 30, 2012 at 7:42 am
@dipshitcocksucker: Do you even lift, bro?
algiersheadkick504- November 30, 2012 at 6:53 am
Damn looks like the rock and bruce willis's offspring
dipsetkilla316- November 30, 2012 at 6:15 am
Amsterdamnheavy on the cock sucking shut ur cock gobbling mouth up, fag fifteen nothing u say matters. stop trying to look like you're in charge, or something. your life means nothing, everything you say, everything you do doesn't matter, your life is a failure. Dont worry bro ur mom jokes will never be funny try this. I will cut your mom, and fuck her in the wound. Can we find i dick for cman to suck on already? fagfifteen lend cmen a hand. I dropped so cmen on ur moms face lololololololololololololololol
amsterdamheavy- November 30, 2012 at 6:06 am
I do think Barnett will eat this guy alive barring any broken bones. Sub by triangle choke anyone?
cman- November 30, 2012 at 2:54 am
Yeah the ongoing ghetto v not much better is boring me. Can we find a literate troll already?
And yeah, hw at 230 is barely a bouncer these days. Barnett will snuggle submit him, and no hype train will convince me otherwise. The humor and UFC hate has got to evolve beyond not impressed and glorious sweater jokes already.
Nostalgia literally means remembrance of pain. I'd think of this as you report.
Pen Fifteen- November 30, 2012 at 12:41 am
Cool story, bro. The fact is, you've clearly jumped the shark as a character on CP. Your schtick is no longer seen as disruptive or even annoying, its become internalized into the rhetoric of the site. As such, your work as a troll is done. So, please excuse me while I get back to the gangbang with your mom, it's my turn. Stay gay, you shit-licking cum-guzzler.
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 11:45 pm
U no i meant mother, ur so cool. The fact that you people take everything seriously is pathetic. Jesus I'm so tired of arguing with you simpletons. Trying to use big words that you don't even know what they mean, just to look somewhat intelligent, who are you trying to impress. At this point you're not even intelligent enough to amuse me. I Find myself getting dumber, and dumber after every single one of the comments that I read write by u people
amsterdamheavy- November 30, 2012 at 6:02 am
Since you were pretty fucking dumb before you got here, you must be well on your way to "incoherent internet shit talker" by now. Keep up the good work Jr.
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 11:31 pm
Fag fifteen you use the word astonishing too much, try to make yourself seem smart. Congratulations bro you read a dictionary before you write any sentence.
crappiefloper- November 29, 2012 at 9:20 pm
It's the dream, the hope that it IS that's important
Pen Fifteen- November 29, 2012 at 8:56 pm
@crappieflopper
Indeed, dipset's penchant for (unintentional?) alliteration is astonishing. I'm still not convinced he isn't the most brilliant troll this site has ever seen. Like I said a few days ago, his doltishness is downright Faulknerian. There's no way this is genuine idiocy we're dealing with here.
amsterdamheavy- November 30, 2012 at 6:01 am
Oh, but dear sir, *I* think it is pure unadulterated idiocy combined with a complete lack of self awareness. The only way to pull this kind of thing off is to be completely ignorant of what youre doing...he's just "being himself" as it were - as for Poes, well, the thing about them is youll never know if its real or not...
crappiefloper- November 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm
"your motgers vs. my cock"!
Seriously, it's the fucking mutants who read this site that make me love it so. Where do I sign up to get my own personal Internet shit talker? was that some sort of giveaway I missed? put that shit on a t shirt.
I'm still giggling about"fried faggot" and "fag fifteen"
macreadysshack- November 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm
I can't even pretend like I didn't read those comments. The bar is at an all time low. I'm going to go wash my beains out with battery acid.
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 6:57 pm
That and her mouth is the only intresting parts about her, her cunts to loose
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm
U r gay and now that you mention it i did have sex with yr moms asshole last night
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 6:54 pm
*lives
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Ur luve are epic fails u come on some mma web sites just to talk shit. Wow ur lives must be so intresting. Btw wow fried faggot do u suck fag fifteens dick with that mouth
dipsetkilla316- November 29, 2012 at 6:50 pm
* mothers
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