MMA Fighter Challenges People to Punch Him in the Face, Everyone Fails

Josh Barnett Is Following The Post-Positive Steroid Test Playbook to the Letter

Josh Barnett French Vogue
(Forget about Barnett, get me some of whatever that chick is on.)

MMA pariah Josh Barnett emerged from hiding just long enough to release a statement about the positive steroid test that derailed Affliction: Trilogy and lead to the UFC and Strikeforce both gorging themselves on suddenly available fighter contracts.  As you can probably guess, the statement did not include the words, ‘my bad.’  Instead it followed the trajectory we’ve all come to expect with these stories, almost impressively so.  For all you possibly juiced-up aspiring fighters out there, take it from a cagey veteran of the sport.  Here’s what you do when you get busted:

Step 1: Hedge your bets

If you can’t say with absolute certainty that there were no banned substances in your system when you peed in a cup for the athletic commission, you’re going to want to begin your defense by setting up a back-up defense just in case they nail you cold.  That’s what Barnett is doing with this sentence from his official statement:


“Mr. Barnett vehemently denies intentionally ingesting any banned substances in preparation for the August 1st fight and he is looking forward to presenting his case to the California State Athletic Commission.”

Key word there is “intentionally.”  This sets you up for the old it-was-in-my-creatine-and-I-had-no-idea defense.  Not that this defense is total bullshit, mind you, but as any pro athlete knows by now, you’re responsible for whatever ends up in your body, whether you intentionally put it there or not.

Step 2: Maintain innocence until guilt is undeniable

Barnett accomplishes this by shifting focus to the as-of-yet unannounced results of his B sample:

“In the meantime, Mr. Barnett has yet to learn of the results of the B sample testing and he has not received any of the documentation that provides further details of the alleged positive sample despite numerous requests.”

The upside here is, it’s an argument that makes good sense.  Where is the B sample, and why hasn’t the CSAC told us what the results of testing on it were?  In the steroid playbook, this is sort of like trying to bunt your way on base.  A technically sound team ought to be able to get you out 95% of the time, but at least putting something in play forces them to not screw up.  And Barnett likely knows that the odds of the CSAC screwing up are good enough to take a chance on.  Which leads us to this…

Step 3: Turn the accusing finger on your accusers

“In fact, the documentation that Mr. Barnett has received raises serious questions about the integrity of the sample and the validity of the results themselves.”

What kinds of questions did this documentation raise, and what documentation are we even talking about?  We have no idea, because it isn’t specified.  In fact, this sentence immediately follows the one about not receiving “any of the documentation.”  So what did they receive from the CSAC?  A notice of a failed steroid test that was written in crayon?  Regardless, they’ve now cast the shadow of suspicion on the CSAC.

And finally…

Step 4: Suggest that it’s only a matter of time until you “clear your name”

“At this time Mr. Barnett would like to thank his fans and colleagues for their ongoing support and faith in him. He intends to vigorously defend himself against these allegations and hopes for a swift resolution to this matter so he can get back to what he does best — fighting!”

Stop and think for a second about the history of steroid testing in pro fighting.  Now name me some people who have proven their innocence after testing positive.  Go on, I’ll wait.

Barnett’s best hope here is that the B sample comes back with conflicting results, or at the very least that the CSAC mishandles the situation enough to damage their own credibility even further.  Neither of those options is impossible, and the second one is damn near likely. 

But for Barnett, the damage is done.  Affliction is canceled, and unless he can prove that the CSAC is entirely to blame for fabricating a positive test result out of thin air, he’ll be remembered as the guy who brought the whole show down.  Swift resolution, indeed.

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sxjohnson- July 30, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Oh Bens... you and your humor makes the day better.

Josh-O Slicenett- July 30, 2009 at 11:33 am
Any guesses on who will be the Kimbo/Barnett to take out M-1 Global? Ha! That's just too easy.
Jugger- July 30, 2009 at 11:27 am
Phil Baroni
Jugger- July 30, 2009 at 11:27 am
Nate Marquart
FranklinMintyFresh- July 30, 2009 at 10:52 am
Let's hope the CSAC responds to this statement swiftly and gets to the bottom of this tragic situation so Josh can get back to what he does best -- Juicing!
Old_Bald_and_Irish- July 30, 2009 at 10:42 am
@ "danomite"

"Babyfat Assassin"?

LOL!

That's how EVERYONE should reference Josh from now on!
Old_Bald_and_Irish- July 30, 2009 at 10:37 am
@ "LoneWolf" (sans Cub?) and "caffn8d"

Yeah, I knew there had to be some other ol' school anime geeks around here. I think I watched that flick 40 times. The new 3 part straight-to-dvd was great but too short. Worth a sequel.
danomite- July 30, 2009 at 10:36 am
After reading this statement i have come to the following conclusion:

Josh Barnett's turning a blind eye to his lack of professionalism is deplorable. Never once was an apology uttered. Never once did I see one act of accountability. I don't know how to say it in Portuguese but, the Babyfat Assassin is deserving of no respect and no praise. If you were ever a fan, I'd find someone of better character and better heart.
CarneyUGVC- July 30, 2009 at 10:31 am
Down with steroids, enough cheating already people, I'm so sick and tired of reading this sh*Te in the news, its a disgrace to everyone in sports and our nation.
El Famous Burrito- July 30, 2009 at 10:16 am
"No, you're a towel."
LoneWolf- July 30, 2009 at 10:13 am
@Old_Bald_and_Irish

Great Fist of the North Star Reference! Its truly an underrated anime movie.
Dubbayoo- July 30, 2009 at 10:09 am
I know we all knew this was the case already, but it's worth just saying.. MMA sure has some fuckin assholes. That is all.
Seoul Brother- July 30, 2009 at 10:09 am
Would someone please flush this lying-ass corn-studded dinabol loaf? Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, I'd rather hear about how The-Fighter-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named is going to fight the leftovers at his gf's next gang bang.
Fight Fan- July 30, 2009 at 10:03 am
"about the positive steroid test that derailed Affliction: Trilogy and lead to the UFC and Strikeforce both gorging themselves..." The past tense of "lead" is "led".

Barnett is over and done.
caffn8d- July 30, 2009 at 10:02 am
OBI: Great comment. And serious props for the Fist of the North Star reference. I lol'd.
Cage Rage- July 30, 2009 at 10:00 am
All these "State Athletic Commissions". Where ran by the Mob at one time so I'm sure it is possible.
Cage Rage- July 30, 2009 at 9:57 am
Doesn't Barrnet have a really bad case of Bacne.I remember one of his fights dude had a zit on his back the size of BJ Penn's Ego.
MirJitsu1- July 30, 2009 at 9:57 am
I say Dana White and the Ufc paid off csac and now they get what they want... like always lol
Old_Bald_and_Irish- July 30, 2009 at 9:49 am
By the way, I love that pic of the chick smackin' down Barnett!
Koeikan- July 30, 2009 at 9:49 am
I decided not to be lazy and actually look it up:

Ingest:

1.To take into the body by the mouth for digestion or absorption. See Synonyms at eat.
2.To take in and absorb as food: "Marine ciliates ... can be observed ... ingesting other single-celled creatures and harvesting their chloroplasts" (Carol Kaesuk Yoon).

So, technically, Barnett could have been injecting steroids like a muh-f'er and it would still be true that he "didn't knowingly ingest any steroids"... Because he didn't eat or drink any. I'm guessing that a lawyer of some sort help prep this statement...

He should be more like Andy Petite and less like Barry Bonds.
Old_Bald_and_Irish- July 30, 2009 at 9:47 am
"Stop and think for a second about the history of steroid testing in pro fighting. Now name me some people who have proven their innocence after testing positive. Go on, I’ll wait."

Playing "Devil's Advocate' here, but Sherk did present some pretty good evidence that at least raised a good shadow of doubt over the CSAC. Actually, it may have been the Nevada Athletic Commision. Regardless, the trace amounts of steroids in Sherk and the questionable handling of the samples would point to the chance that, at the least, Sherk did not 'knowingly' ingest a steroid. But as we all (except Josh Barnett) now know: you're responsible for whatever is in your body.

Also, I'm still not convinced that Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva was juicing (again, playing "Devil's Advocate'). Just look at him. He's a mishapen freak of a human that probably does have some serious hormone problems; as he claimed. He probably got dosed with all kinds of drugs to stop his head from growing and exploding ala "Fist of the Northstar".

So outside of those two?....that's all I got.
portland mma- July 30, 2009 at 9:45 am
Barnett is a little bitch, he never wanted a piece of Fedor, he's always been scared to fight him and everyone should have known this was never going to happen. How many times has this fight not gone down now? Fuck Barnett. This sucks ass for the people who trained there asses off to get the card cancelled.
shitbag- July 30, 2009 at 9:45 am
I think the answer is obvious!

CSAC vs. Barnett

The whole commission, at one time, fights Barnett in the ring!

It can be on the same card as NSAC vs. BJ Penn!
Koeikan- July 30, 2009 at 9:42 am
I thought it was odd they used the word ingesting...Isn't that typically just associated with eating or drinking something via your mouth?

IE: Is an injection considered ingesting? Either way, fuck that fuckface.
Osama- July 30, 2009 at 9:37 am
if only you were as funny on camera...
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