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This Just In: Bob Sapp Sucks!

Sometimes I think that Bob Sapp was sent to earth by the gods to teach us all that being scary-looking and talking tough means very little in a real fight against a real opponent.  And since the gods also have a sense of humor they forced him to appear in “Frankenhood.”  Judging from the betting lines, it seems like we all know by now that Sapp has nothing with which to threaten any decent heavyweight, particularly after the first two minutes of a fight.  So why even bother pretending that Sapp vs. Bobby Lashley is anything but a circus match?

Talking to Five Ounces of Pain, Lashley had this to say about his expectations regarding Sapp:

“I’m prepared for the best Bob Sapp that makes it out here. We trained for a Bob Sapp that is like Anderson Silva at 350 pounds.”

Well, that would be hilarious if only the thought of a 350-pound Anderson Silva weren’t so terrifying.  But really, Bobby?  You’re going to act like even "the best Bob Sapp" would be a credible fighter?  Is it in your contract that you have to at least pretend he has some fighting skill?

Lashley has also recently claimed that he’s fighting Sapp to show that he hasn’t just been winning fights based on his size and strength, and what proves that more effectively than beating a bigger, stronger fighter?  The only trouble with that logic is that Sapp really isn’t a fighter at all.  He’s a real-life cartoon character.  He dabbles in fighting the way he dabbles in acting, and not as convincingly.  As hard a time as we give the city of Japan for their MMA freak show fights, we owe it to them and to ourselves to admit that we’re not so different.  

This isn’t a test to see how Lashley is progressing as an MMA fighter.  It’s a squash match against a guy who’s only real talent is in cutting promos and spouting off one-liners at the press conference.  It’s also a complete joke, and I can’t shake the feeling that Sapp is the one getting the biggest laugh out of it in the end.

Cagepotato Comments

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MMA-Deviant- June 26, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Call it what you want but the Beast is 10-4-1 and that is a winning record.

And I hope he beats Lashley just for the lulz.

UFC fan- June 26, 2009 at 4:54 pm
could not watch that shit as soon as the gay fucking music came on It had to go off.
just some dong- June 26, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Of course it's a circus match. Now please continue complaining about the "harshness" of the UFC's business practices.

fuckanosama- June 26, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Until Crocop smashed Sapp had actually looked dangerous on occasion (if only due to brute size). He did knock Hoost out, and he came pretty close to killing Big Nog in their match. But post-Crocop fight he's done nothing but turltle and cry as soon as he takes a shot.
meanfinger- June 26, 2009 at 11:30 am
cro cop broke his orbital socket with that left.. im pretty sure.. i seen sapp get beat by jahne norte in tacoma's strikeforce at the dome. sapp is a puss, he lost in 55 seconds from a nice flurry of punches. it almost looks like hes sellin enough tickets and gettin enough to show money to take a few hits and love losing.. i would like to see him learn how to punch tho.
bleve- June 26, 2009 at 11:22 am
He beat Hoost... anything can happen.
AntonG420- June 26, 2009 at 11:11 am
I actually watched the Sapp vs. Ernesto Hoost fight and I gotta say Sapp showed some balls in that one. I mean he outweighed Hoost by at least 100+ pounds but he took at least 30 leg kicks to the lead leg and almost started crying but then kinda manned up and won the fight. Still no skill at all, just pushing and punching, but in comparison to that one fight where he tapped from gettin hit once...thats pretty good lol. I watched Hoost's videos and those leg kicks cripple dudes. Plus Sapp is trimming down and probably running a little at least, this should be more interesting than you guys think. I still think Bobby is gonna rock the shit out of him tho, early.
shitbag- June 26, 2009 at 11:07 am
Wait....wait, just a second here...

Now hold on.....

Michael Jackson's DEAD????!?!?!?!!??11?!?!?!!

NateGetsIrate- June 26, 2009 at 10:20 am
LOL @ the caption and Akilleez. I was just thinking that too.
Just A Wrestler- June 26, 2009 at 9:51 am
I really hope Bob Sapp wins against that roided up hamster-face. Why does any MMA promotion allow professional "wrestlers" to fight? The WWE has a strict drug policy my ass. They give out steroids like party favors at a bar mitzvah. just look at lashley's shoulders. they rule out any evidence that he ever had a neck. Bob Sapp by TKO in the first.
Akilleez- June 26, 2009 at 9:34 am
Will you teach me to football?
DaltonSwayze- June 26, 2009 at 9:26 am
But Lashley HAS won based on size and strength alone. Guida would've guillotined him if it wasn't for those damn muscles, and his most recent match was all power power power. That first one was some weird fluky cut that doesn't mean a whole lot if you ask me.

How would everyone react if Sapp beats him?