(James Toney: the worst-case scenario of Thomas Jefferson’s dream.)
…he’d like to put your mind at ease in this interview with FightHype.com:
“They talking about ground game? That don’t mean nothing to me dog. Number one, I ain’t going to allow none of them boys to lay on top of me like a lil’ fag, you know what I’m saying? I ain’t going to the ground; that ain’t happening, you know what I’m saying?
…I know a lot of them thinking they would fuck me up and they gonna shoot in on me and all of that, but I ain’t going to the ground; that ain’t happening. I got one of the best mixed martial arts trainers in the world, which is my daddy. You know what I’m saying? He is one of the original death fighters. They fought to the death like in them movies, but it’s a matter of time. I will be ready to go.”
You know how when you’re a kid and your parents tell you things that might be exaggerations of the truth, or even just outright lies, and they don’t see any harm in it as long as it makes for a good bedtime story and gets you to go to sleep so they can have ten peaceful minutes alone at night to sip brandy and stare out at the driveway? It’s possible that James Toney‘s dad took things a little too far with his yarns about fighting to the death, like in them movies.
Not that we expected Toney to have a realistic vision of what training for an MMA fight would entail, but damn, his plan is that he’s just not going to the ground? Really? That’s like joining the Coast Guard and saying you don’t need to learn how to swim because ain’t no way you’re ever ending up in the water, dog.
Elsewhere in the interview, Toney claims that he’d do big pay-per-view numbers in the UFC because people want to see him get beat up, and also reiterates that this would be his part-time job, like when he wanted to become a porn star named "Dark Gable." If we’re being honest, we have to admit that a) he probably would be a considerable pay-per-view draw for that exact reason, and b) that might be one of the best porn names we’ve ever heard.
Ball’s in your court, Dana.