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Just In Case You Were Worried That James Toney Might Be Seriously Preparing For An MMA Bout…


(James Toney: the worst-case scenario of Thomas Jefferson’s dream.)

…he’d like to put your mind at ease in this interview with FightHype.com:

“They talking about ground game? That don’t mean nothing to me dog. Number one, I ain’t going to allow none of them boys to lay on top of me like a lil’ fag, you know what I’m saying? I ain’t going to the ground; that ain’t happening, you know what I’m saying?
…I know a lot of them thinking they would fuck me up and they gonna shoot in on me and all of that, but I ain’t going to the ground; that ain’t happening. I got one of the best mixed martial arts trainers in the world, which is my daddy. You know what I’m saying? He is one of the original death fighters. They fought to the death like in them movies, but it’s a matter of time. I will be ready to go.”

You know how when you’re a kid and your parents tell you things that might be exaggerations of the truth, or even just outright lies, and they don’t see any harm in it as long as it makes for a good bedtime story and gets you to go to sleep so they can have ten peaceful minutes alone at night to sip brandy and stare out at the driveway?  It’s possible that James Toney‘s dad took things a little too far with his yarns about fighting to the death, like in them movies.


Not that we expected Toney to have a realistic vision of what training for an MMA fight would entail, but damn, his plan is that he’s just not going to the ground?  Really?  That’s like joining the Coast Guard and saying you don’t need to learn how to swim because ain’t no way you’re ever ending up in the water, dog. 

Elsewhere in the interview, Toney claims that he’d do big pay-per-view numbers in the UFC because people want to see him get beat up, and also reiterates that this would be his part-time job, like when he wanted to become a porn star named "Dark Gable."  If we’re being honest, we have to admit that a) he probably would be a considerable pay-per-view draw for that exact reason, and b) that might be one of the best porn names we’ve ever heard.

Ball’s in your court, Dana.

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punchy puncherson- March 8, 2010 at 9:52 am
just like being punched by a boxer and a MMArtist are two entirely different things...
Seoul Brother- January 5, 2010 at 12:21 pm
You know Toney is a nasty ghetto thug when he's proud to show his ashy nipples.
LET IT RAIN- January 5, 2010 at 12:17 pm
damn, what's with all the to cool for school N bomb droppery. i'm tempted to let it rain golden showers in your face.
meanfinger- January 5, 2010 at 9:04 am
whoa... at least this guy isnt really talkin down on mma like floyd gay-weather..

he's just tryin to hype himself up. he prob needs the pay check real bad.. i heard hometown buffet just raised their rates.. so this nigg is just lookin toward the future.
Lateral Drop- January 4, 2010 at 10:53 pm
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how hated Tito Ortiz is. Even threads not related to him inspire rants.
Seoul Brother- January 4, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Oh Sweet Jesus Felching Christ, I hope Dana signs this shtugotz. If not for any other reason but to make him as a contestant in TUF. I'd love to see him get his ass handed to him by a house full of socially recidivist chromosomal oddities.

While I'd love to see someone like Igor Vovchanchyn (in his prime) beat the fuck out if this turd, how much sweeter would it be if some ratfuck Arkham Asylum escapee like Junie Browning mounted him and choked him out?

Pound for pound I think this jailhouse bitch talks more smack than Floyd Mayweather, jr.
pinkyslayer- January 4, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Hulk Smash, it would not be good for anyone except the humongous group of Tito Haters that just enjoy seeing him get beat up if toney actually wins a ufc fight. This guy is enough of a loudmouth cocksucker as it is, we already know with a good amount of certainty that hed get taken down and beat the fuck up, but if he actually won even just one mma fight we'd have a black Brock Lesnar without the cock tattoos. And modicum of talent.
Hulk Smash- January 4, 2010 at 6:05 pm
i wanna see him fight tito. douchebag that he is, it would be a great victory for all involved if toney knocked tito right the fuck out.
then, at the post-fight press conference we could listen to tito manufacture a few more injuries right there on the spot to absolve himself of any responsibility for the loss.
the only way to make that little scenario more perfect would be for Slice to pop up from behind the backstage curtain to pop a cap into toney's skull, thereby saving the rest of us from further james toney exposure, dog.
adamking- January 4, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Butters wants to know if you know what James Toney "is saying."
Poutine Guillotine- January 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm
cro cop vs toney...BEST DEATH FIGHT EVER!!!!
vengful1- January 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm
R.I.P. James Toney's dad.
mybongsnameisgreenmeenie- January 4, 2010 at 4:51 pm
dana signs him, he loses to kimbo by omoplata and moves to japan, only to lose 3 straight to a random 155er by knockout, bob sapp by submission, and jose canseco by majority decision, then retires as the largest ridicule in the fight world.

or dana may not sign him, who knows?
El Guapo- January 4, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Yeeeaahhhh, I don't wanna see Mirko get beat by Toney either... Prime Cro Cop would leg kick Lights Out to near death and then throw a head kick to put him out of his misery. Present day Cro Cop would most likely gas out get KO'd.

Which leaves Kimbo Fergie Ferg Slice! Makes perfect sense, actually. Which, of course, is why it'll probably never happen.
mthomas- January 4, 2010 at 3:49 pm
@RJeezy: I agree! Toney's probably the only one not expecting at this point and we would all love to see Cro Cop go out with a bang!
skeletor- January 4, 2010 at 3:43 pm
@RJeezy
The chance of Cro cop getting knocked out is far to great. The man is a legend and I for one don't want him to see him go the way of Pee Pee Tim.
mthomas- January 4, 2010 at 3:42 pm
"and they don't see any harm in it as long as it makes for a good bedtime story and gets you to go to sleep so they can have ten peaceful minutes alone at night to sip brandy and stare out at the driveway?"

Methinks one of the Bens is having a flashback to the lonely evenings of his youth!

RJeezy- January 4, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Perfect chance for one last Cro Cop LHK
SILENTKILL- January 4, 2010 at 3:34 pm
Somone should tell him that getting hit with a boxing glove and then a UFC glove are entirely two different things.
skeletor- January 4, 2010 at 3:33 pm
His father is Chow Yun Fat.... so he's kind of right.
Merlin- January 4, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Man I hope Dana lets him fight, & he gets caught with a Triangle Choke in the last round so that the last thing he remembers is the smell of REAL MMA JUNK in his flat fucking face before tapping out like a chubby little bitch!

1st
Smitty- January 4, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I wonder if he'd still be interested if the payday isn't as big as his boxing paychecks or, is he gonna try to milk Dana for way too much money. Dana doesn't do too well with people asking too much money to fight (does he Dan Henderson).
Stash- January 4, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Toney vs Slice
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