Dude. We almost don’t know what to say. Former “TUF 10” contestant and UFC washout Justin Wren apparently went on a “hunting trip” of sorts recently wherein he ripped out the heart of a wild pig with his bare hands (and a smallish knife) and feasted on it, then took a bunch of pictures of himself covered in the pig’s blood, *then* wrote a post on The Underground Forum basically calling Brock Lesnar a pussy and a “yuppy viking” for growing a shitty beard and killing deer with (of all things) a rifle. I mean, good God, what the fuck?
A 30-second look at Wren’s personal internet photo stream and/or his new website tells us he’s not kidding around about this Viking shit. There’s a picture of him on there in a helmet and animal pelts, carrying a warhammer and a battle axe and (possibly) wearing white jeans. White jeans, dude. Anyway, after the jump you can read Wren’s first-person account of slaying the pig. We have to warn you that it includes phrases like “waterfall of steaming hot blood” and “seeing it’s beating heart (and) stabbing it” so, you know, do so at your own risk.
“I had a blast going hunting for the first time ever!” Wren writes. “It was nuts taking down boars from the hind legs, flipping em over, going to knee on belly (for u jitz guys), then grabbing its front leg and ripping it open under its right leg, having a waterfall of steaming hot blood pour over your hand and arm… seeing it’s beating heart… stabbing it, blood spewing on your face… and then ripping out the heart as it continues to beat in your hand for around a minute or so! I can now say I stepped into Viking Manhood fully!”
Now see, that is just not necessary. Even Matt Hughes has the common decency to kill his pigs with a laser-sited crossbow. But we digress, Wren – who lost his one-and-only official UFC fight to DeathClutch gym member Jon Madsen back in December of 2009 – may still have been riding high on the bloodlust when he logged onto the UG to post the following sweeping indictment of Lesnar’s status as a Norseman:
“One had a beard for a month …,” Wren writes. “The other was the only student with his own razor at middle school. One was clean shaven for over 30 years … The other hasn’t shaved once since high school (5 1/2 years). One shoots a deer from HUNDREDS of yards away… and carries it out. The others FIRST hunt he used only a 3 inch knife, chased down hog, flipped it to it’s back, ripped out it’s heart, and carried out the "Brock" sized hog over a 1,000 yards out through heavy brush, creek beds, cactus, 2 & 1/2 weeks after back surgery.”
Don’t worry though, since Wren is also certain to point out that, you know, he respects Brock and everything …
“Just a little comparison of Viking-ness!” he writes. “I do have the utmost respect for Brock and his accomplishments, talent, and God given ability.”
Sure buddy, whatever. To tell you the truth, we’re not sure if Wren’s hog-slaughtering, fur-modeling condemnation of Lesnar is, like, the awesomest thing we’ve ever seen or just totally lame. Either way, seems like kind of a roundabout, but pretty effective way for a dude who last fought at a show called “Fight Force International: Blood & Sand 8” to advertise his new website.