Steroids in MMA
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Karo Parisyan to Return From Suspension Against Hazelett @ UFC 106


("Forget about these worthless idiots," the lion told Karo. "Soon we’ll bathe in their blood, and their children’s blood." And in the room was an echoing silence. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

With his nine-month suspension for painkiller use winding down, Karo Parisyan is ready to get his career back on track. The welterweight veteran will be returning to the Octagon at UFC 106 (November 21st, Las Vegas) against 23-year-old submission artist Dustin "McLovin" Hazelett. Parisyan’s last appearance was in January at UFC 94, where he scratched out a split-decision win against Dong Hyun Kim; the result was changed to a no contest following Parisyan’s positive test for Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone, and Oxymorphone. Before that, the Heat suffered a TKO loss against Thiago Alves in April 2008, meaning that he hasn’t scored a legitimate win since his unanimous decision over Ryo Chonan at UFC 78. Hazelett is coming off back-to-back victories (and back-to-back Submission of the Night bonuses) thanks to his acrobatic armbars against Josh Burkman and Tamdan McCrory, but he hasn’t competed since last November due to injury. So whose grappling will be stronger? And whose ring rust will be rustier?

Besides the main events of Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin and Tito Ortiz vs. Mark Coleman, UFC 106 is also expected to feature a welterweight bout between Jon Fitch and Ricardo Almeida, which will be Almeida’s 170-pound debut. Not exactly easing him into the division, are they?

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imakeutap- August 25, 2009 at 9:37 am
I want to know what the purple wombat is!!! Driving me fuckin crazy.
MidwestFightFan- August 25, 2009 at 9:03 am
Does anyone know where you can find out when these tickets go on sale??
dbiggles- August 25, 2009 at 8:03 am
I love karos judo glad to see him back
jimbonics- August 25, 2009 at 8:00 am
Karo "The Excuse" Parisyan is a bum. GTFO.

+1 Da Spied Her
Mike Milbury- August 25, 2009 at 7:33 am
Bro.
Machida-Brand-Urine-Drink- August 25, 2009 at 7:33 am
Weirdbeard sub. rd. 1.............please let Karo be gone after Hazelett rips his arm off.
Da Spied Her- August 25, 2009 at 7:31 am
But after filing a complaint, Billy was able to get the result changed to a No Decision, so he still has no drowning on his record.
clutchy hopkins- August 25, 2009 at 6:58 am
fitch's only loss in the UFC is to GSP and they still give him fights like this. i dont really mind, im happy just to see a good fighter on the card, but still. i guess its better to build him up, i suppose hes not quite ready for a GSP rematch.
google- August 25, 2009 at 6:45 am
@Terminator

I hope you copy and pasted.

@Bens, could a brother get a little Dan Severns update? Don't just leave us hanging.
Terminator- August 25, 2009 at 6:35 am
There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary littleboy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing,destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down tothe bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friendshuddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them,"What's the Purple Wombat?""You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimeddisgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy,always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy,confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children."Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the chldren shouted. "Billy doesn't knowwhat the Purple Wombat is!"The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the PurpleWombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in thevery back of the bus, all by himself.Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went toclass. Class proceeded normally; the students did the pledge of allegianceand worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then theteacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really payingattention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the PurpleWombat.Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked,"Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?""You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm,"Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man. No, no buts --march!"So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to theprincipal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, andtimidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, satthe principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thinmustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough tofrighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost totears."Well, Billy," he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?""Mr. Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's beenacting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher justsent me to you and stuff.""Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-Pal, after all.Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?""It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is.""What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am callingyour mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended."The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home.Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother wasstanding in the doorway waiting for him."Billy!" she called, sobbing, "I was so worried about you! What happened?""Mom," Billy cried, "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in theback of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal'soffice and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what thePurple Wombat is!""What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked."Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!"So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed,crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doorsshutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talkingdownstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footstepscoming up the stairs, and his door opened."Billy," his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother saysyou've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?""Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!""You...don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you canjust stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!"Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on hisbed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way -- lyingthere, crying, wishing he would wake up.Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said:"Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy."Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find thesource of the voice, but he could not."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy."It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on,opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat."Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He gotto the edge of a wood."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy."The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and veryfrightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the PurpleWombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy."Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he keptfalling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going,driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy."Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the townlake."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy."It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboatsfrom the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, itwas very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was."Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy."The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, andthe boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way acrossthe lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy."It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood upto look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn'tknow how to swim, so he drowned.Moral: Don't stand up in a boat.
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