(“Tap? That wasn’t a tap. It was Morse code for ‘You’re dead!’”)

Nevada State Athletic Commission executive director Keith Kizer is undecided about whether or not Michael Bisping or Chael Sonnen would be approved as coaching candidates for The Ultimate Fighter if either UFC middleweight applied for a coaching license.

Kizer revealed today MMAJunkie today that Sonnen met with NSAC and UFC officials three weeks ago to discuss remarks he made during his California State Athletic Commission hearing in December to appeal a suspension for high levels of testosterone found in his system in a urine test administered prior to his UFC 117 championship bout with Anderson Silva. During the CSAC hearing, Sonnen testified that he had asked for and received verbal approval for the his prescribed use of synthetic testosterone by Kizer — a claim Kizer flatly denies.

Well, it turns out the master of verbal warfare became a bit tongue-tied in the NSAC sit-down and instead of waxing poetically about how he mistook a Mexican imposter for Kizer, Sonnen instead spat out some cockamamy story about how he meant to say, “my spoke to Keith Kizer” instead of, “I spoke to Keith Kizer,” and went on to dig himself deeper by explaining that the “my” in the statement, had he have said it, would have meant “my manager.” Wait…What? They sure have a weird way of talking in the suburbs of Oregon. Who knew that you could communicate by using silent inferred nouns?

Needless to say, NSAC was not impressed by Sonnen’s posturing.

“I was very straight with him, saying, ‘That’s a ridiculous explanation.With his explanations, I don’t know how productive of a meeting it was. I really did expect a much more constructive meeting out of that,” Kizer said. “But it just wasn’t there. I think Zuffa tried; I know we tried. I put the blame completely on Mr. Sonnen.”

Anyway, Kizer says that if Sonnen were to be considered for a TUF coaching gig or fighters license in Nevada, he would have to have a formal NSAC hearing to, you know, actually explain his actions. Not only will he have to set the record straight about his accusations about NSAC rubber-stamping his T use, Kizer says he would likely have a few other questions to atone for, including his real estate money laundering charges and comments he made following his WEC 31 loss to Paulo Filho that referee Josh Rosenthal did a poor job officiating the bout and that contrary to video evidence from the show that demonstrates otherwise, he did not tap out to a second round armbar administered by the Brazilian.

“I usually just give that administratively to cornermen. But I will not do that for Mr. Sonnen. You want to criticize a referee and say, ‘I don’t think he did a very good job,’ that’s one thing,” Kizer said. “But to out and out lie about what happened in the match is a different thing. So I think that will get brought up as well because I’d bring it up.”

Kizer also mentioned that Bisping’s application would likely be looked at long and hard by the commission if he were to apply for a second’s license to coach on the show, given his unsportsmanlike conduct in his UFC 127 win over Jorge Rivera.

“They’re the coaches. I guess a little bit better term is a mentor of these young fighters on the show. Which, of course, begs a lot of questions, I think, when you’re talking about Mr. Sonnen, and maybe Mr. Bisping.”

UFC president Dana White was asked this week whether or not Sonnen was in contention for the role and was candid in his response.

“We have no clue who will coach,” White explained. “Chael has a ton of problems [right now].”