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Ken Shamrock & Kimbo Slice Both Fail Bellator 149 Drug Tests, Because MMA

(To maximize your experience here at CagePotato, we ask that you read this article with this song in the back of your mind.)

Well, if we weren’t being forced to reconsider the moral implications of this whole “freakshow fight” concept before, we sure as Hell are now.

You guys remember Bellator 149, right? The card with the one fight where the guy almost died and the other fight where one of the guys probably should have died, but instead one of them just got kneed in the nuts? It was truly one of the peak moments in our sport’s young history, but as they say, “nothing stays gold forever.”

According to a report by MMAFighting that broke Friday evening  – and would have been covered by us had we not been face deep in a hot wing eating competition at Dave & Buster’s at the time (we took 3rd out of 12, not that you care) — both the guy who didn’t almost die (Kimbo Slice) and the guy who suffered his first career loss via test-nical knockout (Ken Shamrock) failed their pre-fight drug tests.

Slice and Shamrock had banned substances in their system per the results of pre-fight drug tests, multiple sources said.

Both men have been administratively suspended by the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation (TDLR) pending an adjudication process, sources said. The official test result documents, showing the exact substances Slice and Shamrock tested positive for, have been withheld by the TDLR due to potential pending litigation. Athletes on the card had urine samples taken before their bouts.

You said it, bird character from The Muppets whose name escapes me.

Honestly, we probably should have seen this coming in the case of Shamrock, who aside from having previously tested positive for banned substances following a 2009 win over a guy who actually *did* die shortly thereafter (the connections are everywhere!), turned 52 just 8 days prior to his bout with Royce Gracie. At that age and with that much wear-and-tear from both his fighting and professional wrestling days, I’d imagine old Shammy would need a Pulp Fiction-esque shot of adrenaline straight to the heart just to get out of bed every morning, let alone fight.

No word yet on how this result will affect Shamrock’s plans to appeal the loss, but I’m guessing…it certainly won’t help.

As for Kimbo, well, let’s just hope that that “banned substance” in question is a little harmless Mary Jane that entered his system while he was working security for one of those club-centric porn shoots, or we are going to be sorely disappointed in him. Say what you want about Mr. Kevin Ferguson, but the guy has always come across as an honest sportsman in our eyes. I mean, sure, who knows what say he had in EliteXC’s decision to bribe Seth Petruzelli, but we’re going to guess “nada,” which is EXACTLY the amount of steroids he would need to beat “Dada” on even his worst day, which conveniently happened to be the night he actually fought Mr. 5000. I mean, did you see his opponent hit pads? KFerg could have walked into that fight drunk and on shrooms (and very well might have) and still emerged victorious without *barely* needing an oxygen tank after.

In conclusion, Kimbo Slice is a hero who name is clearly being dragged through the mud by the Dada 5000 team, and Ken Shamrock needs to quietly go away forever.

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