Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Ken Shamrock Wants to Stab Us In The Eye With a Pen for Saying It’s Time to Stick a Fork In Him

(Video courtesy of YouTube/FightHype)

Okay, maybe he didn’t name us specifically, but the aging veteran who used to be known asĀ “The World’s Most Dangerous Man” told that any reporters who think he should walk away from the sport are idiots.

Using an odd analogy that reporters who had never stepped into the cage saying he should call it a career are like if when we’re old the doctors refuse us medicine because they’re saving it for some younger patients. So because doctors have never been old or had a disease like cancer, they aren’t qualified to treat someone who is or diagnose someone who has it? Makes perfect sense.

Instead of proving him right by responding in typical CP style, instead I’ve written an open letter to Ken Shamrock.

Check it out below.

Dear Ken,

No one is refusing you medication. We just don’t want to see you suffer any long-term brain damage that will require you to take large dosages of it to be able to go about your daily routine. You’re 47. You’ve had a long and pretty successful career, so why not get out while the getting is good. Maybe you could get into commentary, open a new UFC gym or start contributing a weekly “Ask Ken” column for us.

You’ve only won two fights since 2005. One was against a guy who at 29-44 and 1 no contest basically made a career of being a punching bag for fighters looking to pad their records — and he took you the distance. The other was against an obese 6-10 fighter who died seven months later of a heart attack at age 32.

Your next fight is against James Toney. He has the power in his hands to make you forget you hate Frank, and if he connects with your face, he’ll drop your once impressive record another notch to 28-16-2.

If it’s about the money, write a tell-all book about the sport and the rampant steroid use of everyone — yourself included as you’ve admitted recently. It will sell a million copies if you include embarrassing stories about Frank as a gawky teenager and about all of the fixed fights you know about.

Please don’t be mad or try to stab me in the eye for this honest and heartfelt plea from a pen-pusher and fan.


Mike Russell

Ben Fowlkes

Cagepotato Comments

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CauliflowerBeer- July 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm
one thing not mentioned is that fighters need to be approved to fight by the athletic commission; they have that responsibility to check out that someone's physically and at least somewhat mentally fit to do it
NotReadyStatus- July 12, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Maybe I am insane, but I want to see the Shamrock vs. Toney fight. Fighters are a different breed! If they want to stay in the ring until they die, more power to them. Sounds better than turning into a piss-and-shit factory who can't even stand up.
KarmaAteMyCat- July 12, 2011 at 9:35 am
CP for LIFE!
via. saku buttspank submission- July 12, 2011 at 7:31 am
Pen pushers kicked me off of Bloody Elbow for speaking truths.bastards! CP is way better though.
Clyde- July 12, 2011 at 5:53 am
Purely hypothetical here but...

If my grandad wants to go bungee jumping again, despite having had his hips dislocated in 4 of his last 5 tries. Or if my Dad decides that it's time for him to buy a sports bike despite having crashed his large diesel saloon twice in the past 3 years. Am I not supposed to at least say something to try and stop them from harming themselves? Yes they have the right, and yes they may enjoy what they do, but that doesn't make it a good idea. It's not that I want them to be in a home somewhere tucked away drooling and shitting themselves, it's kind of the opposite.

No one is saying you can't train, teach, enjoy and still contribute to this sport, but the writers do at least have a right to their own perspective and the general consensus is that as objective observers, you may be better off giving this up. Especially if you are more preoccupied with "putting on a show" and going out there "and swinging" rather than looking to fight smart and win.

Jus sayin.
Brunkfunk- July 12, 2011 at 4:58 am
holy fuck karmaatemycum that was magnificent lol thank you
fatbellyfrank- July 12, 2011 at 1:15 am
@ El Guapo, yep, and i'm going to get myself a bucket of em rite now, as you said, hurry while they last!!
Gay Maynard- July 11, 2011 at 11:53 pm
Wow, KAMC really put Shamrocks MMA career in perspective lol =) i wouldn't be surprised if that was really frank trying to release some aggression... don't hate your daddy, hate yourself... oh and ken, fight Tony, win or lose, i don't give a shit. You went bat shit crazy when all that crap with Tito started, at this point your already fucked. If you really wanna put on a good show, let Tony have the first three hits and let him make you brain dead, at least then the whole world will watch your last fight, wether it was live or a recap on some random site, and you will definitely end your career with a bang. You owe it to yourself and us...
El Guapo- July 11, 2011 at 10:39 pm
MediumRare spicy shit tacos are back? They're like McRibs; for a limited time only, gotta get 'em while you can. That's soem good eating, right there..
fatbellyfrank- July 11, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Can I do a guest chapter on how you share all your recipes?
MediumRare- July 11, 2011 at 6:59 pm
I'm thinking about writing a book touting the benefits.
fatbellyfrank- July 11, 2011 at 6:54 pm
@ medrare, spicy shit taco's are back on the menu, WOOOOHOOOOOOO
omunto- July 11, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Haha mruss, that signature is a great touch.
CauliflowerBeer- July 11, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Yeah Sham Rock put up some new fodder for an ink beating...but in his warbled sense he is okay...we can point out his mistakes but it is his decision...nobody really cares as much as your letter response to him implies we let him do it..relegated to freak attraction and minor shows if he really wants to fight and needs the money..he doesn't seem to care either so let it be
Buster Hyman- July 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm
i hope ken shamrock does stab you assholes in the eye for hawking this god damn mike's hard lemonade. if i fucking accidentally scroll over that piece of shit add and have to listen to that ginger turd shit out of my speakers again i am going to go pick up ken shamrock and we are making one stop at walmart to buy some pens before we pull into your drive way. seriously, mike's hard lemonade light? stop sucking ass.
RSparrow- July 11, 2011 at 5:51 pm
In Chuck's case, he was taking some serious comatose-inducing knockouts. Ken isn't taking that punishment. Let the mofo fight, he doesn't really have anything to fall back on. IF Toney knocks his head into the fourth row, so be it, that's how Ken wanted to go out anyway.

Sidenote: I swear I just got some chinese letters on my Captcha, this shit's pretty weak.
MediumRare- July 11, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Whiskey Tango Farley.

I haven't commented up in here for a while. I love me some CP. I visit every day. But for me commenting is like my addiction to Vicodin. It's not a healthy way for me to spend my time and is especially destructive when I mix it with Bourbon.

But I can't hold my tongue (mostly because it's slippery).

Can we stop with this weak, disingenuous bullshit about being concerned for fighters' health? We are fans of a sport where people try and fuck one another up. If you are trying to make ppl believe you're genuinely concerned for their shit, you're a fool. No one's buying it.

Admit that you just like to make fun of Shamrock and Mumbles and people like them and get on with it. We like to read articles where you make fun of them. We're OK with.

We're OK with Shamrock risking his health for our entertainment and we're OK with you making fun of him when you get the opportunity.

Shamrock's a big boy. He knows the risks and he loves the attention.

BTW, when are we going to start a campaign to legalize steroids? This never-ending pissing and moaning about 'roids is equally annoying.

Anyone for some spicy shit tacos?
FightZen- July 11, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Definitely blogger are the same as doctors. Better even!
RwilsonR- July 11, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Ken, just to clarify... would you use the same pen to stab reporters in the eye that you used to stab yourself in the eye just before the Kimbo fight?
Ballkick- July 11, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Ken , said it best buddeh,...your not important, nobody cares about you anymore.
RSparrow- July 11, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Holy shit that was fucking hilarious, give that dude 67 t-shirts now. I must know who you are. Real Karma, that wasn't me dude. Hahahahahahahaha!!
El Guapo- July 11, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Ken should be responding aaaaany second now...
mahoney00- July 11, 2011 at 4:13 pm
KarmaAteMyCum- July 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Somedays I think, 'why can't i fight as good as ken shamrock, or why can't i suck a dick as good as my dad?? I get really depressed to the point where i put a gun in my mouth and want to end it all. But once I feel that long slender barrel touching the back of my throat I just can't help from massaging it with my tongue and thrusting it in and out of my mouth. I picture the barrel as a shaft and the butt as a pair of hanging, hairless balls. Sometimes I do picture the butt of the gun being the butt of a random man I just met in a rest area, licking up and down his fully spread crack. And then it hits me that i have been sucking on a gun for about an hour in my bedroom at my parents house and my mom has walked in on me at some point and is now masturbating silently in the corner. I think about fucking her but I can't, shes just not my type... God I wish dad was here.
newaza01- July 11, 2011 at 3:54 pm
He is fighting for the money. As long as these organizations are willing to pay him more power to the kooky old bastard.