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Keyboard Warriors #4: How Do You Solve a Problem Like A. Silva?

Panic reigns supreme at UFC headquarters in the aftermath of Anderson Silva‘s destruction of the strongest middleweight in the world. Dana White has been asking the same question for hours: NOW who do we put in front of Silva?

In a late-night spitballing session, Dana puts his question to his closest friends and confidants, hoping to devise a title defense that would actually be competitive. But while brainstorming can lead to bizarre, innovative ideas, Dana is unprepared for what sleep deprivation and caipirinhas have done to Joe Silva…

Ok, this is totally fake and i made it all up. There, you’ve been warned.

Come on in past the jump (if you dare), and check out the return of Keyboard Warriors. Props to Brandon Stroud over at WithLeather for coming up with a fun concept, but he doesn’t help write any of the jokes — blame those on me.




Cagepotato Comments

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Todd M- August 31, 2011 at 10:41 pm
Always love to hear waht Timmi's been up to, good stuff Rex
noizy- August 31, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Joe, there's this guy I know. He's the one. Computer hacker by night, fights for humanity by day. You need to sign Keanu.
KarmaAteMyCat- August 31, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Also Anderson already beat Lee Murray! :P
KarmaAteMyCat- August 31, 2011 at 4:07 pm
You mean Undisputed?
towelie- August 31, 2011 at 3:55 pm
anyone remember that movie with Ving Rhames and Willy Mays Haze? One is the current boxing champ(Rhames)and he gets sent to prison,the other is a humble ex boxer stuck in prison. Everyone wants to see them fight so the warden sets up a ppv or something, but it falls thru and they fight anyways. I won't spoil the ending, but I'm talking 5 stars here. Anyways, how bout the UFC sets up an exhibition bout where they send Anderson to jail in Morocco to fight Lee fucking Murray.
towelie- August 31, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Diggstown style where he fights 10 dudes in 24 hours maybe.
towelie- August 31, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Anderson versus 10 midgets.
RSparrow- August 31, 2011 at 3:32 pm
The winner of Chael and Stann will give Silva his best fight ever. Guaran-fucking-teed. Everyone just chill,.. it's coming.
MediumRare- August 31, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Anderson Silva vs Jon Jones dammit!
MediumRare- August 31, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Best thing about Keyboard Warriors: the picture of Tito. With that goofy grin - it looks like he was planning his story for when he posted it on Twitter when he was taking the damn picture.
Keyboard Warriors makes me lol. Keep it coming.
GistoftheFist- August 31, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I say we do a handicap match, two lightweights fight Silva at the same time. >:I
2DaDeath- August 31, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Was that conversation for real? Cuz it was awesome!

Here's what I suggest. The only thing left is a one night endurance run a la Golden Axe 2. How it works is is that we start off with an easy fight for Anderson, then a harder fight and so on. Here's what I came up with so far:
Fight 1: James Irvin ($1,000)
Fight 2: Chris Leben ($2,000)
Fight 3: Rich Franklin ($5,000)
Fight 4: Damien Maia ($10,000)
Fight 5: Brock Lesnar ($25,000)
Fight 6: Vitor Belfort ($35,000)
Fight 7: Yushin Okami ($50,000)
Fight 8: Chael Sonnen ($75,000)
Fight 9: Dan Henderson ($100,000)
Fight 10 (Final Round!): Alistair Overeem ($250,000)
XENOPHON- August 31, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Exactly what is it that we are really all talking about when the name Anderson Silva comes up?
At this juncture it's all about ..... what?
Motivated Penn- August 31, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I'd totally watch Anderson Silva fight a bear.
KarmaAteMyCat- August 31, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Seriously? Having him fight at the weight he walks around at? It's not going to happen. I just can't see that coming to fruition sorry. No Jon Jones vs Anderson Silva they don't want to risk either of those guys for the sake of our entertainment. They'll feed GSP to Anderson before they ask him to move up in weight and even then he might just retire...
XENOPHON- August 31, 2011 at 12:01 pm
No shit, talk about fake=ass. I don't know what's worse these fucks on "Keyboard Warriors" or thinking there is any option but forcing Anderson to move up in weight and fight some real competition.
Cheeseburger Eddie- August 31, 2011 at 11:48 am
Keyboard Warriors is my favorite thing in the world, if you look close enough you can see some stains on Sylvia's belt...
KarmaAteMyCat- August 31, 2011 at 11:43 am
First off I'm not the one being a bitch I simply said if people generally always comment on Rex's contributions in a negative fashion Obviously don't like his Style of writing or humor then they shouldn't read it or even post. It's fairly simple logic and it wasn't even directed at you CupChieck so I apologize for that confusion because you are generally a fairly informative, and tactful. Yah dig?
Viva Hate- August 31, 2011 at 11:41 am
This was complete garbage, come on we all know there is no way Tim Sylvia could fit his lard ass in any movie theatre seat on this planet, dammit Rex!
Cup Cheick- August 31, 2011 at 11:10 am
My bad. When we don't like something we should be more appreciative and keep it to ourselves. While I understand that there is a right and wrong form of constructive criticism and that Rex hits more than misses... Don't be such a bitch.
Crap Factory- August 31, 2011 at 10:59 am
Best one so far. You guys are starting to get funny with these things.
SethF- August 31, 2011 at 10:58 am
Okay, are you sure that ALL of these are fake conversations? Specifically, Tim Sylvia. Every time you throw up one of these posts, my first thought is "Wow...that's way to good of a Tim Sylvia impression for a non-idiot to come up with".
KarmaAteMyCat- August 31, 2011 at 10:54 am
I think Rex is Hilarious and you shouldn't click the link if you don't like his stuff. It makes the comments less stale when I comb through them tool. Seriously though Rex puts a lot of hard work into this shit and I appreciate it as do a lot of the other people who post on Cagepotato. It's nothing personal to you guys who don't like it honestly it's just insensitive bullshit and I understand thats going to happen when you throw a bunch of trolls like us into one website so I normally let it just slide off my back. Specifically if it's just relating to me but come on seriously fuck off...
ReX13- August 31, 2011 at 10:50 am
flyingogo>> +1 ... Yep, i did. And it's not the first time i've used a musical in a title, either.
flyingogoplata- August 31, 2011 at 10:48 am
Okay, I'm just going to throw this out there, but I think an excellent match-up for Silva would be a BJ Penn non-title fight. BJ's losses have been to Edgar, GSP and Fitch, all of whom have great wrestling. Silva...not so much. Sure, BJ may be a bit undersized (okay...a lot undersized) and there's no good reason for the fight to take place, but I still think that makes one exciting match-up.