(Give it your best shot, but please, no thai-style leg kicks.)
Just when you thought the Kimbo Slice hysteria had died down, more people have figured out how to make money off his likeness. PrimeTime Amusements has unveiled their brand new “Team Kimbo Boxing Machine.”
It’s one of those arcade games often found in cheap bars where the object is to hit a speed bag as hard as you can in order to prove your manliness to drunk chicks nearby. After you hit the bag, a number appears, devoid of any unit of measurement, telling you whether you’ll get laid or not. Ideally, you will find the number insufficient, and continue pumping quarters into the machine as you become drunker and angrier. Meanwhile the girls go home with some guys who claim to work on Wall Street.
The fact that Kimbo is not a boxer doesn’t seem to bother the people at PrimeTime Amusements. Nor are they troubled by the fact that these days “Team Kimbo” probably exists in name only.
I guess you have to strike the merchandising iron while it’s hot. Though I hear these machines aren’t a great seller because all it takes is a weak jab to put them out of order. Hi-yo! Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.
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Comments
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:18
first we get money. then we get the khakis. then we get the chicks.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:20
Well they may as well rename this machine to "Team Homeless". The poor guy is probably eating a left over Big Mac in some alley in St. Louis right now. Lets all take a moment of silence for Kimbo's career and laugh at his 15 minutes of fame. The big scary black guy with a beard image only gets you so far... especially if a small gay looking fairy knocks you out.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:21
Kimbo Slice has heavy hands!
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:45
The machines should come with a can of pink-coloured temporary hair dye to truly recreate the "boxing with Kimbo" experience.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:47
Still waiting for Kimbo to show up at an XARM show...
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:49
Ha ha...the last paragraph is priceless.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:49
Finally something to hinder my Golden Tee addiction. So when should I expect "Buck Hunter: Kimbo Country"?
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:53
HILARIOUS, This is why i love cage potato....ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE LAST PARAGRAPH....
Wed, 01/07/09 - 10:57
I heard it resets every 14 seconds
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:04
ZING!
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:38
I just bought a Kimbo TapouT shirt for $6 at TJ Max. Should clue people into his net worth right now. CITY OF JAPAN!
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:38
lol at mayhem 420 XARM is the only orginization Kimbo shouldve ever been a part of
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:40
I assume he makes money off of these somehow... Hey a niggaz gotta eat.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:42
Scar Tissue- Why would you even buy that shirt. If you were trying to make a joke, perhaps you should have simply stated you saw the shirt, rather than purchased it. I would actually buy it for $1.50, simply for the fact I may need to keep it in my car in case I need to take an emergency shit on the side of the freeway, I will have something to wipe my ass with.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:51
I would knock out the first guy I see punching that thing. LIKE for real.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:54
Next up the Josh Neer driving game!
Wed, 01/07/09 - 12:12
Next game coming soon: Lyoto Machida's Super Dodgeball Object of this game: Dip, Dodge, Dive, Duck...Dodge
Wed, 01/07/09 - 12:14
You can expect "Buck Hunter: Kimbo Country" as soon as we find a way to make walking through Miami looking for the target to jab at in Kimbo's beard.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 12:14
Seems like they could have fit Kimbo's name on there a few more times. It's almost like they're not even trying........
Wed, 01/07/09 - 12:16
hey did I mention....fuck you KG, go get butt-raped by Tuf gay! piss off you piece of garbage.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 01:02
I meant Sam Hoger, not Rory Singer. And don't forget about him finishing Sokoudjou?
Wed, 01/07/09 - 01:04
I doubt Kimbo could even progress very far in that game. And in response to "passoutortapout44" you forgot to add "leg-kick" "head-kick" "almost knock out David Heath and Rory Singer and actually KO'd Rich Franklin (who's only other losses were to Anderson Silva)". You're stupid, my friend.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 02:10
I heard the cheat code to beat the game is "Seth Petruzelli".
Wed, 01/07/09 - 03:23
UFC Fan, chill out or I will knock your Dads cock out of your mouth with a left hook ya internet shit talking bitch
Wed, 01/07/09 - 04:33
'KneeToTheFace' What the fuck are you talking about? Are you completely Crazy?
Wed, 01/07/09 - 06:15
i dont get it, what are you sposed to do? hit it with a tiger uppercut?
Wed, 01/07/09 - 06:18
I don't "claim" to work on Wall Street, I really do. Those potholes don't fill themselves, y'know.
Wed, 01/07/09 - 11:00
@Surfin Dave Oh I get it! Its funny because Wall Street could be a real street, and you fill potholes on it! Good one! Stop masturbating.
Thu, 01/08/09 - 08:05
Kneetotheface, I see I touched a nerve there. I'm sorry. I won't do anything anymore that would force you to remove Machida's balls from your mouth so you can speak. Carry on now.....
Thu, 01/08/09 - 10:11
"Next up the Josh Neer driving game!"-Great Jesus mother of Moses that was absolutley fucking funny. I think you've made my day already lol. The same creators that game are also releasing the new CSI game, " CSI Canyon County: The Justin Eilers Step Problem" in Spring 2009.
Thu, 01/08/09 - 12:56
Hey KG ,left hook Tuf Gays dick in your ear, queer :) You stop being a trashy atheistic caveman and I will chill till then you and your troll friends from HELL can expect more. Have a BLESSED day asshole!
Thu, 01/08/09 - 02:26
Now, Now, everybody....stop fighting.....go to your nearest bar and take your anger out on "The Kimbo Slice Boxing Machine".....just make sure to wear pink hair to assure a win. :)
Fri, 01/16/09 - 06:44
I was told I could not take down the machine that I had to stand and bang with it. I was scared, and as I backpedaled away from it a threw a looping girlish punch that barely clipped the machine, and to my shock the whole thing fell down! I totally destroyed it. Sadly I found out later that my mouth and my soft punch had also done in the company that created this machine. I send my apology's to the bar.
Sun, 01/18/09 - 07:33
Kimbo Slice has heavy hands.
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