(Props: UFC.com)
In about 12 hours (give or take, depending on where you are in the country), Kimbo Slice and Roy Nelson will go toe-to-toe in the most highly anticipated exhibition bout in Ultimate Fighter history. Will the former street brawler prove himself to be "a real fighter," or will big-bellied Roy Nelson stick to the script and chew out a win? (Or both, maybe?) I’m sure you’re all sitting on your hands in unbearable anticipation, but feel free to read this stuff to pass the time until the moment of truth:
— Kimbo Slice may be fighting at UFC 107, not the TUF 10 finale: A possible slip-up during a media conference call suggests that Slice will make his post-TUF debut on the December pay-per-view card in Memphis. Implication: Kimbo loses at some point during the season, but doesn’t embarrass himself, and his television popularity is enough to warrant an appearance on a big show.
— Rashad Evans thinks Roy Nelson has all the tools a heavyweight needs, except for killer instinct. Meanwhile, Evans believes Kimbo has tremendous potential as long as he’s with the right trainers, but lacks the explosive power in his legs to go along with his impressive upper-body. Implication: Roy wins tonight by decision.
— Kimbo has no regrets about his TUF experience: “If I have to lose a fight, I’d rather lose to a guy like that, someone with a big name like that. It just makes sense to have two big names go at it. One’s got to win, and one’s got to lose, and that’s just the nature of the beast…I was impressed with my performance. I was impressed with everything—I’m not crying about nothing.” Implication: Another vote for "Roy wins tonight."
— Black Israelites believe that whitey will lose the upcoming race riots, regardless of gogoplatas and redneck’ed chokes. Kimbo will beat up all those overweight ex-football players. Implication: Kimbo wins, by the power of Afro Jesus.
— Slice credits his mother for inspiring him to stay out of a life of crime and turn his efforts towards something more positive. Implication: Kimbo is a bitch-ass momma’s boy. (Kidding, Ferg!)
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commentsDo you think Big Country can get that kind of air?
Go buy yerself a beer...'cause I'm too cheap to buy you one.
IMO, this season of TUF is pretty much Roy's unless he beats himself. He's been with explosive strikers before, and I don't think anyone can hang with him on the ground. As long as he takes it seriously and trains his cardio, he's my pick. Roy by armbar over Kimbo.
Dana White: All right. Who is the winner? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when the fight airs and we both watch, and find out who wins... and who loses.
Fans: But it's so simple. All we have to do is divine from what we know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the winner on the press junkets or the loser? Now, a clever man would put the loser into the press junket, because he would know that only a great fool would believe what he was given. We are not great fools, so we can clearly not choose the fighter in the press junkets. But you must have known we were not great fools, you would have counted on it, so we can clearly not choose the fighter in the press.
Dana White: You've made your decision then?
Fans: Not remotely. Because the media is coming from Vegas, as everyone knows, and Vegas is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the fighter out of the spotlight.
Dana White: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Fans: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Dana White: Vegas.
Fans: Yes, Vegas. And you must have suspected I would have known the media's origin, so I can clearly not choose the fighter in the press junket.
Dana White: You're just stalling now.
Fans: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten EliteXC, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the loser in the press junket, trusting on your ratings to save you, so I can clearly not choose the fighter in the press. But, you've also bested Affliction, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that ratings are fleeting, so you would have put the loser as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the fighter in the press junket.
Dana White: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Fans: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! WE KNOW WHO THE WINNER IS!
Dana White: Then make your choice.
Fans: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?
Nelson has never LOOKED like a top contender; unless you mean in a baby eating contest.
Anybody want a peanut!
I said when we heard page pulled out of the Memphis card that the logical replacement, from a draw standpoint, was Kimbo. I have this wild, completely speculative conspiracy theory - Kimbo loses to Nelson, Dana is overjoyed and doesn't even want kimbo to have a spot on the TUF finale card, but was planning on reluctantly giving him one just for the draw. 'Page really believes in Kimbo and was impressed with him on the show, so he drops out of 107 and "retires" from fighting to do the A-Team, knowing the best replacement, draw wise in Memphis, is Kimbo Slice. Kimbo gets in the UFC, despite losing his first fight on TUF (and with a much better contract than one of those shitty TUF contracts), then Rampage unretires after the movie and DW has to take him back, he's a huge draw.
.....or last weeks episode. Uhg!
Kimbo doesn't have to win. All Kimbo has to do is look competitive.
They don't actually leave the show like they used to. They stay to help train the other guys.
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