(‘Look dog, I spent five hours baking this loaf of bread. Now you eatin’ it one way or another.’)

Spike TV and the UFC are still trying to play it close to the vest when it comes to who Kimbo Slice will be facing in his official Octagon debut at next weekend’s “Ultimate Fighter” finale. Too bad they’re the only ones concerned with keeping it under wraps. Slice already removed the element of surprise somewhat with a recent Twitter posting, but in an appearance on the “Todd N Tyler” radio show (via Bloody Elbow), Houston Alexander said several times that he’ll be taking on someone named Kevin Ferguson at the event. The hosts of the show naturally follow this statement up with a bunch of lame puns about Kimbo’s name, because they’re radio hosts and a certain number of lame puns per hour is required by their contracts.

In addition to telling us that he is the undisclosed first UFC opponent for Ferg, Alexander also insists that he’s “practicing boxing, takedown defense, it’s just crazy.” Man, that is crazy. It’s almost like he’s preparing for a fight with both stand-up and ground aspects. Though, Mr. Alexander, allow us to make a suggestion: kick him in the leg. Over and over again. The TUF editors have basically begged you to.